airing of grievances 2010

Strangely this year's grievances are sort of church-themed. Not sure exactly why. Maybe because going to church is practically my only social activity.

Short-sleeved white shirts-
Your mission's over dude. Where do you even get a short-sleeved white shirt?

Rolling up your dress shirt sleeves-
Unless you're fixing a kitchen drain, don't roll your sleeves up. Tacky. Church isn't a very physically taxing activity. If you roll your shirt sleeves up, you may as well roll your pant legs up.

Slamming hymn books shut-
"I finished the hymn first! Did you hear me close the book loudly?"

Closing hymn books before the song is over-
Sometimes we share hymn books and sometimes I attempt to sing parts. Just because you know all the words, it doesn't mean I'm not done looking at them -- or the notes I'm attempting (and failing) to sing.

Two people holding one hymn book-
It's actually harder for two people to hold one hymn book than it is for one person to hold it. If I don't help you hold it, it's because I'm giving you a break. Don't expect me to be miserable with you.

Fascist youth march-
Um, maybe you should ask me about this one. It's actually totally different than it sounds.

Sitting at the edge of the bench-
Be nice. Sit in the middle. Don't make people crawl over you just because you like to stick your leg out into the aisle.

Standing in doorways while talking-
People enjoy talking in doorways for some reason. Yeah, it's peace of mind in case an earthquake suddenly hits, but people need to get through that dang door.

Toilets that flush automatically-
This applies to many public toilets. I especially hate the ones that flush automatically and don't give the option to flush manually. I stand in front of the toilet or urinal doing all sorts of dances in order to get the movement detection sensor or whatever to work on the thing. Sure, toilet handles are gross, but maybe public toilets should have a flushing mechanism similar to one I used in Candada one time. It was a foot pedal. That's perfect. Unless you're barefoot. That's gross for so many reasons.

Saying "Merry Christmas" spitefully-
I say "Merry Christmas" instead of "Happy Holidays" usually, but I do hate it when people get mad when people don't say "Merry Christmas." "Happy Holidays" works just fine. No need to make it a spiteful issue.

Not putting DVD back in its case-
So you wanna watch one of your DVDs. You open the player and there's already a DVD in there! Omigosh! Where does it go? Look at the top of the DVD. Now look at the DVD shelf. The title on the DVD and the title on a DVD case SHOULD match. I'll bet you A MILLION DOLLARS that's where the DVD belongs. Does it belong face down on top of the DVD player? No, actually. Weird. One movement miscalculation and the DVD is scratched and unplayable.

Stupid DVDs that get scratched too easily and don't play anymore-
This is stupid.

Weird American values-
I've been watching lots of documentaries lately and I've noticed a strange common theme in them. Strangely as Americans we say we value honesty and integrity, but in private we overwhelmingly value corruption and dishonesty. Maybe it's a weird documentary agenda. Watch Food Inc, Capitalism: A Love Story, No End in Sight and especially Bigger, Stronger, Faster.

My looks-
I'm handsomer now than I was when I was 22. My face is anyway. Unfortunately I'm also way balder. Why can't there be one period of my life where I REALLY look good?

My softness-
I think my metabolism is giving out. I'm noticing my body isn't that much bigger, but it is softer. Sorta buttery. This grieves me.

No free parking at the JSMB-
I always need to call Jaime, totally make her stop working, have her take the elevator downstairs and finally meet me at the JSMB to give me a parking validation for $2. Do you have any idea how inconvenient this is for me (and her)?

Saying "Ha ha do it again!"-
If someone does something funny and spontaneous, it's a total buzzkill to ask them to do it again.

You're not nearly as smart as you think you are-
Not nearly.

Couples-
They have no right to exist. Any of them. I agree I'm a horrible person and I can be a total jerk oftentimes and I'm phsically atrocious and I'm not loaded or anything. I don't know why any girl anywhere would be foolish enough to find me intersting. It boggles my mind that such a thing could ever happen -- BUT I'm way better than every other guy on the planet. True story.

This has been this year's airing of grievances. Happy Festivus everyone!

christmas. it's on.

Alright everybody. It's on. Starting anytime on Wednesday, December 22 you can come over to my house and collect your Christmas gift. Remember supplies are limited! You'll only have the choice of 23 items IF YOU'RE EARLY. Of course you don't know what you're getting because they're all wrapped. Shortly after Christmas I will post what everyone received and then you can work out your trades if you wish. If you'd like to text, email, Twitter or Facebook me a reservation, I'm open to doing that. I'll even deliver if you need me to -- just hurry!

Anyways, let's celebrate the holiday a little bit with some of my favorite Christmas songs (fun idea: play all these embedded songs at the same time).

Recently at dinner I informed several of my friends that Erasure has a Christmas song. That's surprising to most people, since it's not as well known as that Mariah Carey Christmas song. Someone's finally made a cheap YouTube photo montage using that song. It's called "She Won't Be Home." Check it out:


Lately I've been a bigger Paul fan than John fan, but Lennon really nails the Christmas song better than McCartney did. Paul's "Wonderful Christmas Time" is almost dispassionate enough to have been written by robots. Of course Lennon wasn't really channeling Christmas spirit with "Happy Xmas (War is Over)." He was mostly channeling his hatred of the Vietnam War or something. Whatever though.


"Last Christmas" by Wham!


Wow, all these songs so far have been British. The Brits are way better than we are at making Christmas songs. I will now make a goal to spend one Christmas in England sometime in the future. Let's put all the Brits together for one big Brit carol. There are two huge things about Band-Aid's "Do They Know It's Christmas?" that are worth noting. First, is that it shows people playing guitars, but as many times as I've heard the song I can't hear where any guitars are. The second thing is that Bono SOMEHOW out-Bonos himself and every other Bono impersonator at about 1:30.


The Waitresses are actually from Akron, Ohio but their Christmas song is super popular in The U.K. Couldn't find the official video, but here's a seemingly nice chick who made a video to the song. Good for her. Oh, the song's called "Christmas Wrapping" I think.

the plan for christmas gifts this year

As I sit at the computer and stare directly above me, my eyes catch this object:
It may be hard to tell from the picture but it's mistletoe -- a sign of the season. Yes, it shouldn't actually remind me of Christmas, since it's a perennial feature above my desk (and VERY ineffective btw), but somehow it does a little.

Probably a more obvious feature is the fake Christmas tree I managed to grab from my parents' house. Usually I only keep it up for six months at a time so it is a little more Christmasy. Here it is decked in festive lampshade and ornaments.

Look carefully at the picture of the tree. Notice that there are presents under there. Those are YOUR presents. An explanation follows.

I used to love getting gifts for people because I'd get tons of gifts for everybody I knew. The funnest part of the season for me used to be when I'd give someone a gift and then make them feel bad for not getting me anything. It really gave me a good superior feeling. Unfortunately that sort of practice is simply impractical now. I have too many friends and family.

Now a line must be drawn between those people who get gifts from me and those who don't. It's the worst thing about Christmas. I hate drawing that line. This year I'm not. This year I'm letting YOU draw the line for me.

Recently I placed a large order on Overstock.com for 23 items. I am giving each of these items away as an individual Christmas present. Each item was not purchased for any particular individual. When all the items arrive at my house I will say "Ready, Go!" (probably in the form of another blog post) and the first 23 people will get gifts. After that, nobody gets anything. Now I may sound sort of cold about this, but trust me, I'm doing this because I want you to get something from me. If I went about doing this the traditional way, I probably wouldn't get as many as 23 gifts for individuals. Of course I have way more than 23 friends so there's a good chance that you are my friend, but you wouldn't get anything from me (even though you may have been expecting it).

Anyway, this may seem selfish, but at least I don't have to reveal who my favorite 23 people are. If you participate in this, you will pretty much be inducted into my top 23.

I am planning on a gift for my parents and a group present for the house I live in. Other than that -- THIS IS ALL THE SHOPPING I'M DOING.

What are these gifts you may ask? Well, let me just say that all the gifts I ordered are items I WOULDN'T MIND GETTING MYSELF. So they're not NECESSARILY things you'd throw away on the 26th.

Here are some items I considered ordering for this project, but decided not to (so pretty much the items I ordered are better and/or more cost effective):

I've never read Inferno but it's a classic combining Christian theology with ancient myth in a perfect moral allegory. It's also the title of an X-men comic crossover from the 80s that borrowed several demonic elements from Dante's book. This particular edition was translated by Henry Wordsworth Longfellow (born February 27th!).

Say what you will of the series as a whole, but Goldmember was the best one. It contains one of my favorite lines in cinema: "There's only two things I hate in this world. People who are intolerant of other people's cultures and the Dutch."

I think we've evolved to a point in culture where the lines between camp, irony and legitimacy are quite blurred. Five years ago we would have made fun of Sonny and Cher, now we'll gladly put them on as the perfect background music for a summer mocktail party.

How many people out there are nurses or medical assistants? Probably 70% of you. Wouldn't it be nice to have a spare scrubs top? Also works as a pajama top as if you didn't know that. Scrubs may have been pajamas first. Eventually doctors decided they'd rather do surgery right after they rolled out of bed. Anyway, scrubs tops are comfy.

Keep tuned in to the blog. When I say go -- come running over here to claim your gift.

Oh, and I nearly forgot. I'll keep track of who gets what, so if you'd like to exchange your gift with someone else, that will be possible. Sort of a white elephant type thing where you don't need to bring a white elephant yourself.

1923–2010

Who's scruffy-lookin'? You never got enough credit Irvin. Search your feelings. You know it to be true. And sorry I was three days late on this.

Also: AT-ATs are awesome.

1926-2010

"Love hurts. Sure, not as much as jumping on a bicycle with the seat missing, but it hurts."


I'm sad, but laughing.

Why did you disrupt that rendition of Shakespeare in the Park?

"Yes, well when I see five weirdos dressed in togas stabbing a guy in the middle of the park in full view of a hundred people, I shoot the bastards, that's my policy"

halloween compost mortem

I had a wonderful Halloween, but it was far from ideal. I simply can't cram the entire holiday into a mere month. For those of you who were wondering, my costume this year was General Zod from Superman II.


If you're reading this now, it probably means you're my friend. It also means that there's a good chance you weren't born by 1982 which explains why I had to explain my costume to so many people. I needed a costume that would make use of the beard I'm presently sporting (which is getting really itchy and obnoxious, but I already told someone I'd grow a beard for Christmas). Also, my hair (as little as I have) tends to stick up more than slick back. Oh well.

I just finished watching The Simpsons Halloween special this year. It sucks that they don't show it before Halloween, but I'm sort of grateful that they extend the season slightly since I ran out of time to do everything else.

Actually, I managed all the essentials.

Those of you who came over to my house last week, thanks. We made a great movie this year and I'll probably post it soon. I was toying with the idea of entering it somewhere, but I don't even know where and I'd rather just keep it fun and public where everyone can see it. I will be tweaking it this week though, so it won't be up for a little while. My friends are really awesome to deal with me while we put the thing together.

I watched about a dozen scary movies. Thanks to Zo, we had some serious organization on that front. Unfortunately I wasn't able to finish watching all of the Friday the 13th movies, but I got 3 1/2 done. Also, I make a point of watching Donnie Darko every year, but time escaped me.

Once again, I wasn't able to go out trick-or-treating (still not opposed to doing it in my old age), but it was cool to receive trick-or-treaters -- even though most of them don't even say "trick or treat." What's up with that? I have to prod them most of the time.

I hit two haunted houses. They're getting less fun. I love them, but unfortunately they're so popular that the businesses are forced to make them the most efficient continuous line of people.

J.R. and I finished the Halloween cd, but we so ran out of time that we didn't get our cover art, movie quotes or lyrics finished. Here's the list. I'll burn you a copy if you want one.

1. "Keepin' Halloween Alive" by Alice Cooper
2. "The Ghost Who Walks" by Karen Elson
3. "Goo Goo Muck" by The Cramps
4. "Only After Dark" by The Human League
5. "Mr. Splitfoot" by Paris Motel
6. "Walk Like a Zombie" by HorrorPops
7. "Dead Girl Superstar" by Rob Zombie
8. "Jack You're Dead" by Joe Jackson
9. "Skullcrusher Mountain" by Jonathan Coulton
10. "A Night On Bald Mountain" by Eugene Ormandy
11. "Wake the Dead" by Family Force 5
12. "Werewolf Bar Mitzvah" by Tracy Jordan
13. "She Wolf" by Shakira
14. "Wolf Like Me" by TV On the Radio
15. "Bed Intruder Mix" by Bruce Lee Roy
16. "This Gigantic Robot Kills" by MC Lars
17. "Mack the Knife" by Bobby Darin
18. "I Put a Spell on You " by Screamin' Jay Hawkins
19. "All Your Hate Lays On Me" by JonDis
20. "Good Man In a Bad Time" by Ian Hunter
21. "Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me" by Roger Daltrey

"Bed Intruder Mix" is J.R.'s "original composition" this year. He took the famous joke song that's been auto-tuned and "scarified" it. My original is called "All Your Hate Lays On Me" and it's pretty much a portion of the ABBA song "Lay All Your Love On Me" played backward.

"Mr. Splitfoot" is the song in the trailer for the new AMC series Walking Dead. Have you seen that? I may start watching it. I watched half of the first episode and it's pretty good.

Here are a couple of great finds this year from the album --

"Wolf Like Me" by TV On the Radio


"The Ghost Who Walks" by Karen Elson


I may tone it all down next year.

halloween movie ahoy!

Holy cow, has it nearly been a month since I've posted? I'm getting super lame.

Really busy this month though. I've been stressing out a lot about this year's Halloween movie. I think I'll finish it in time for the premiere at my house this Sunday at 6 p.m. What, you didn't hear? Well, check out the facebook invitation.

Facebook invitation

My house. Sunday. 6 P.M. Come over and then we'll go trick-or-treating.

Wanna see my super-rushed, crappily edited (in the wrong aspect ratio) trailer? Too bad. Watch it anyway.

here we go again

So I think I may be getting grosser and grosser every week. If you think I'm sort of a good person, don't watch. The crowd was wicked tough too. Oh well.

Thanks to Alex for getting this down. She snorted one time! That was funny.

sort of a weekly occurance

Alright. Quick announcement. ONCE AGAIN, I'll be doing open-mic night TOMORROW. Keep in mind that you're probably reading this tomorrow, which is WEDNESDAY. 8:00 at the Trolley Square Wiseguys is the important information. It's only five bucks, but FREE if you get up there too. It's not that scary. I only got injured once while doing it. I'm probably out of material, so MAYBE this is the last time I do it in a while. We'll see. I will tell ya though, I am a fan of the material I have this time around. More than usual.

standy 3

So... apologies. I know these may just be getting grosser and grosser. At least it's very very short this time. I also feel compelled to apologize because I forgot a couple of good jokes in the middle and also a very crucial set up that made the final joke much funnier (but also grosser). I said this on Twitter and Facebook already, but the keywords are garbage disposal, jellyfish, asparagus and then garbage disposal again. Here's a fun game! See if you can figure out what the jokes would have been based on the keywords I just gave! Okay fine, if you're that curious about the jokes, just come up and ask me.

the stand-up strikes back

So the stand-up went really really well I think. And thanks for everybody who came to check it out (all THREE of you). I'm not sure how I was able to pack the house last time. Hmm. Maybe I was so unfunny last time that nobody wanted to come back. Oh well. This time It may have been better because it was far shorter and tighter. Here it is. It's kind of hard to hear it, so I printed a rough transcript of it below the embed. probably the best way to view it is to play the video in an outside window and then glance at the blog if you miss something.



Woo! Yeah! Halloween is here! Halloween is here! It's my favorite season. Anybody like Halloween? Anybody like scary stories? It's my very favorite. I love love really really scary stories.

The most scary story in my opinion is the guy in the back seat of the car with the axe. Anybody ever been freaked out by that story? It's the scariest because you don't... it's it's like a suspenseful thing. You don't know how long he's been back there. Like for me and my car, I'll be like driving around. I'll be like (singing) "keep on pushin' my love over the border line! border line!" And then I hear this (stifled laughter). (pause) How long have you... been... back there? "For the past 11 songs ha ha!" But I thought I was alone! Oh no! You're not supposed to hear me singing in the car! And then he's like "Why do you only sing to the girl songs?" The girl songs make me feel prettyyy! Please stop laughing at me and please don't kill meeee!!! Hey! Salt n' Pepa! You wanna do a duet? "Yeah!" Kill me later. Kill me later.

So I recently started a new job -- and lost it -- but for the purposes of the next few jokes let's just say I'm still at the job. But like my favorite part of the new job is the orientation, you know. It's kind of like a free day. And y'know it doesn't really serve any purpose as far as I know it's just to help me integrate more with like some of the like Koreans and Japanese and Chinese and other Asians. That's what orientation's for, I dunno. So like, the best part of the orientation is all those sexual harassment videos that they show. Those are just like gold. I'm like taking so many notes. I'm like oh yeah. This is brilliant. This is perfect. This is great. But you know the human resources guy -- he sets me straight, he's like "No. No. You're not supposed to be taking notes during the sexual harassment videos. They're not to help you pick up girls.... If you have too much sexual harassment at work then that's grounds for termination." And I've been out of the workforce for so long that I don't even know the vernacular. I'm like termination? I'm thinkin' like The Terminator and like a terminal disease and then a crappy Tom Hanks movie. It's like really really foreboding stuff. But like what's termination again? What does that entail? He's like "Sir, when there is a termination that means some of your actions are so severe that you know there will be a firing--" A FIRING SQUAD?! What? All I did was pat your butt! I don't think it's really necessary for that I mean c'mon! Give me a break.

But human resources is great. I'm so happy that we have human resources to go to at our various jobs. I feel sorry for all the robots and chimps that I work with. They don't really have that aspect to go to. Which is why when I continue my sexual harassment at work, usually I exclu --

Um, actually sorry, are there any robots in here? Good, 'cuz I'm about to get really really racist right now.

I like to exclusively harass some of the robots at work because I'm like Hey! Hey Bolty! Drop another 50 pounds and you'll really be in my thoughts. What do you say we go to the maintenance closet anyway you dirty...

And then they're like "No. Please. Stop. Hostile. Work. Environment. Please. Stop."

I'm like who are you going to go to? Human Resources? You don't have a robot resources. There's no robot resources! What are you gonna do? Sorry. Hey chimp. Nice tail. Nice. Love it. Love it.

(I think right there I meant to say "Hey work monkey. Nice tail.")

It's great to be human. It's really good to be human. I love these times.

So um, dating's cool. It's not cool. I like dating and I love it when girls say -- this is like a common thing -- girls will always say this, like "Look, look, don't try to like sugar coat yourself or try too hard. Just be yourself! Be yourself!" Ladies, I think you should lay off the whole -- well not you know -- just take it easy, you know. Take it back because a lot of you don't know that like if we were to be ourselves like deep down, inside -- we're really horrible people. You should probably say "Hey, you know what? Um, pretend to be a good guy." The world would be a better place. Like when Eva Braun first started dating Hitler, she probably said, "You know what? Be yourself! Loosen up Adolf!" And he's like "What I really want to do is kill 6 million Jews." And she's like "Well okay! Wait. What? Okay well, just buy me stuff then." If she was a better person maybe she could have cut him down to like 3 million, I dunno.

the dumbest thing i've ever done (again)

I'm once again planning on doing open-mic stand-up -- TONIGHT. Please come and try to laugh.

Once again it's at Wiseguys at Trolley Square at 8:00 PM I believe. No idea when I'd actually go on. What they usually do is get everybody who signs up and then randomly draw the order. It's five bucks to get in, BUT it's free if you perform. You should do it too!

I think I'll talk about scary stories, workplace HR and Hitler. No doubt they'll only give me three minutes this time. Last time I took ten minutes but it was okay because I was last and I didn't actually realize that they were trying to wave me off the stage for seven minutes.

I'm hoping to get into a habit of doing this -- or at least doing it enough that I can do it without going into convulsive shakes before I go on (which is what happened last time).

it's scary movie time!

Alright! Yes we're doing this. Yes.

This year, the scary movie is a period piece from 1991. There will be blood. There will be special effects. There will be romance.

The plan is to start shooting SATURDAY (you know, 9/11). Hopefully we'll get the hard stuff first. We're not FULLY casted, but we will be soon. If you're into helping please join the facebook group and/or tell me/text me. Helping doesn't necessarily mean acting, but it does mean you're awesome.

JOIN THIS GROUP!

further geek cred

Okay, so it may be an understatement to say that I'm really into podcasting. Just don't sigh when I tell you this.

I recently joined another podcast and it's a hoot (that's right, I joined it instead of started it (although I did help start it)). Anyway, it's called Geeking Off.

It was actually Zo's idea. If you know Zo, you know what a fiend he is (and that the likelihood of us earning an explicit tag on iTunes is pretty high). Also Chad and Scott are in on it too. We talk a lot of comic books (Zo and Chad's interest especially) and whatever movie we saw last (the works of Bigelow and Lynch lately). The floodgates are open though, and we may talk about all sorts of stuff. In the future we'll be covering the whole genre of sci-fi as well as tackling the AFI top 100 movie list plus the works of Thomas Jane.

We have an awesome time. If listening to it is half as fun as recording it (which it most certainly is), then it's a rollicking way to hear something while at work or driving. Rollicking. Give a listen.

Go to the site here.

Subscribe in iTunes here.

the ghost in you she don't mind

Okay, so like remember when I said I was planning this year's Halloween movie? Well I'm still planning it. I'm thinking of starting shooting in a couple of weeks. Maybe just after Friday the 13th. Right now, I'm working on an outline and some pre-production details. The scope may be slightly higher than last year. I'm hoping to not just cram in zombies, but also a ghost story, a love story and a ghost love story (most likely the zombies will be eliminated entirely). Also it will probably take place in Yugoslavia 20 years ago. Start getting into character everybody!

Here is the ghost effect I'm messing with right now.

shiver and say the words of every lie you've heard

Ran out of podcasts to listen to earlier today, so i switched over to some music in the ol' shuffle. Skipped the first bunch of songs but finally settled into "The Only Thing That Shines" by Shriekback. Shriekback is a slightly obscure 80s gloom-dance side project. I don't know anybody else in Salt Lake who's a fan (although I'm sure they exist). This song is actually a ballad (and I think a pretty obsessive imbalanced one).

The next song was "Borderline" by Madonna. Today that song sounded SO good. Better than usual even. I pondered a little on the song's end fade out where she's just doing a sort of "la da da da la da da da." I wondered how it was recorded. Is there an actual end to the song that they cut out through fade? Perhaps I just wanted to hear some more even if she wasn't even singing words.

The next song was "Bring on the Dancing Horses" by Echo and the Bunnymen. It was absolute perfect timing, because I found the experience euphoric. Astute readers of this blog (just me I think) may recognize that this was the song that played during the fireworks climax at Sugarhouse as I drove by on I-80 (simply savvy people would recognize the tune from the Pretty in Pink Soundtrack (the 23rd greatest movie of all time)). Today this song sounded even better. I heard things in the song that I never really took specific notice of. Is that a harp? Is that an electric accordion? Most of all, the song sounded so earnest and sincere. I completely believed Ian McCulloch when he sang "First I'm gonna make it then I'm gonna break it 'til it falls apart." I also was willing to actually bring on the dancing horses he was speaking of. The fact that I don't have any idea what "it" is that will fall apart or where these horses are (or even if they're literal or figurative) had nothing to do with the absolute believability of what I was hearing.

I wonder if a song could be written today with the unironic harp, wheezy reverb and earnest (but easily make-fun-able) lyrics that I hear in "Bring on the Dancing Horses" and still be a song that I don't brush off immediately.

I'm the biggest 80s music fan I know. I'm very fond of saying that I've been a fan of 80s music since 1980. 90% of my friends cannot say this because they were born after December 31, 1980. I have a huge fear that my fandom is mostly a result of life chronology. Obviously it's a huge part of it. For the most part the music of today is no worse than any other era. The only reason you think it was better when you were a teen-ager is because that's the music that was released when YOU were a teen-ager.

I like to think it's not JUST that though. I like to think that there was a different sense of sincerity back then (that I think only I can see).

My biggest reason for wanting to take part in time travel is to just go back in time to a time I remember. Would it feel different? Would it feel now? It probably would, but I really really hope it would feel like it did back then -- which is simply a lot different than it feels now in ways too complex to describe and do justice.

Coincidentally while doing my traditional YouTube music video "research" for this post I discovered that "Bring on Your Dancing Horses" actually appears in Hot Tub Time Machine, a movie I meant to see, but didn't get around to. I have a bad feeling that everybody who has seen it now knows the song quite well and they know it as a joke. I'm afraid the song has now been reset. The time machine I'm hoping for is now much farther away.

july 14th: a review and critique

Another successful year!

Strangely I worked on Independence Day and I will work on the 24th, but I actually called in sick to work on the 14th. That's how important it is to me. Ironic since part of the appeal of the 14th is its unimportance.

This year Scott mentioned that we should actually call the holiday "Dependence Day." I like that, but I also like "Mid True Summer." I think we may change the name every year.

Quick review: Craig Blake won this year. He earned points for being the first to arrive, hitting the slip 'n slide over 50 times, counting how many times he went on the slip 'n slide, going on the slip 'n slide in style (sometimes literally jumping the shark at the end), drinking a bit of freedom water and sticking around the longest. His spirit and youth were impossible to beat.

Regan and Dre destroyed in the float competition which they actually entered as a diorama. Laura won the photo-taking competition (see below). I won the ding dong stacking competition. Plenty of others went the extra mile in their enthusiasm (Rhett, Scott, Pete, Steph, yadda yadda yadda).

As usual, people balked at the drink selection. It's a necessary evil to have only the competitive drinks out -- freedom water (Perrier), chocolate milk and whole milk. Next year it'll be a lot tougher, I tell you. Next year we're baggin' the chocolate milk and instead of Perrier we're only having Shasta tonic water. I tried the "bonus beverage" of Perrier and milk. Pretty nasty, but I probably prefer it to straight Perrier.

I told a couple of people that I actually had some "good" palate cleansing drinks in the house for the winding down of the celebration. As I type this I realize I forgot to get those drinks out. Sorry if anybody literally left with a bad taste in their mouths.

Check out awesome photos of the event right here:
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=130933720280646#!/album.php?aid=188467&id=589867674&ref=mf

abide by abide by the fourteenth of july

Hey gang. This week marks fourteenth of July week. Remember to come to the celebration at my house this Wednesday (the fourteenth).

Check out the facebook.
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=130933720280646&index=1

Lemme know if you need anything regarding what's just been said.

anti-dependent drugs

Every year during Independence Day weekend I sort of feel compelled and obligated to watch the fireworks. Pretty much every year I forget to plan to. I still watch them, but very often I do it alone, which is far more depressing than going to movies and music concerts alone (which I tend to do constantly).

I don't hate watching fireworks, but I certainly find nothing incredibly pleasurable about them, so I should feel fine NOT watching, right? Nope. Unfortunately for every annual event such as fireworks watching, I tend to overly realize that there is a finite number of actual incidents of said events in my lifetime. If I'm lucky, I'll probably be around to experience about 60 Independence Day fireworks shows. I've already seen about 25 of them. At the 60th one I don't want to be with my kids enjoying the sights and saying to them "Wow, this is the first time I've actually enjoyed this."

Since I didn't make any plans with friends (and couldn't really since I was "in the office" until 9:30), I decided to just drive around town observing the various shows as I witnessed them happen. My timing was off though. I witnessed the Midvale show in the mirror.

As the incredibly sad symbolism sinks in I'll go ahead and talk about something else for a moment.

This morning I loaded up the old Shuffle with this year's independent mix. I specifically decided not to go specifically "American" bands, but rather my own kind of "summer night sensation of freedom" (which, when compiling music is obviously different for me than everybody else). Some highlighted artists from the playlist include Erasure, Eurythmics, Zeppelin, Lily Allen, Muse, Queen, OMD, Radiohead, The Smiths, The Ting Tings, Underworld, Yaz and a HUGE chunk of New Order ("Ceremony" is my favorite song in the world right now).

Early on I thought, wow... lots of British acts in this one... on the holiday celebrating our independence from them. Huh.

Why the British? An obvious answer would be that they make better music than we do (or at least that Jon Madsen has that opinion). Perhaps an eager psychoanalyst would say that on the day of independence I'm looking to associate myself with what I've severed myself from. Despite being more independent now than I've ever been in my life, I'm yearning for dependence and it's manifested in my desire to be subjected to King George III once again on this day of all days.

The evening's fireworks show ended quite spectacularly (especially for being alone and not as impressed with fireworks as I was when I was 5). I managed to time the Sugerhouse fireshow as I passed under them on I-80 between 700 and 2300 E. When you've lived in the city for as long as I have you tend to find some really unique gems of activities. The particular process of traveling under the fireworks to this particular show on this particular stretch of road has several unique advancements over the sitting in the park with a blanket method. First of all, you actually travel into the fireworks as they happen. There's a wonderful sense of moving depth. The smokey residue wafts onto the freeway and makes the inside of the car smell like the holiday. Also, of course you're listening to your music -- perhaps even your own independent mix (alternated with Showtunes Saturday Night of course). "Bring on the Dancing Horses" by Echo and the Bunnymen played during the big fireworks climax. VERY effective. So effective it was that I just HAD to share it.

Anyway, here's to independence, but also here's to British pop music. How about a little of both? Watch/listen to "Freedom '90" by George Michael. It's a good one. It's worthy of Independence (dependence) Day.



P.S. Don't get this song mixed up with "Freedom" by WHAM! Same singer, same title (sorta); but not the same song. Both are actually pretty good though.

Jon Demand XVIII

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