Rhe-ett, it's your birthday. God bless you this day. You gave me the gift of a little sister, and I'm proud of you today. Rhe-ett, it's your birthday. Happy birthday, Rhe-ett. Rhe-ett, it's your birthday. Happy birthday, Rhe-ett. I wish you love and good will. I wish you peace and joy. I wish you better than your heart desires, and your first kiss from a boy. Rhe-ett, it's your birthday. Happy birthday, Rhe-ett. Rhe-ett, it's your birthday. Happy birthday, Rhe-ett. Yeah!So, not all of that made sense... especially since Rhett has already kissed a boy.
Rhett and I aren't really that similar on the surface, but after you get to know us it's actually scary how much we're the same. It's one of those things where something will happen and one of us will respond to a question the other had without him actually asking it and then the other one answering the train of thought the other had a half hour later.
It's one of those things where ten years from now I'll be on a secret mission to save the world and I'm running through the streets of London or Istanbul or something with this totally hot girl who gets mixed up in everything and then the evil mastermind finally corners us and he steps out of the shadows to monologue a little and... and... IT'S HIM! IT'S RHETT!
(kind of like Goldeneye or Sneakers)
He'll say something like, "So it's come to this. It could have been so different, Jon. You could have joined me. You could have had the world serve you instead of you serving the world. We were never that different, you and I. I always figured you'd be at my side in my moment of triumph."
After that he'll motion to his henchman to get into position so that we don't escape, and I'll know I'll have to think fast. He goes on, "Tis a pity. Now you'll be no better off than all the other poor fools who've tried to stop me."
At that moment he will turn to his henchman and cross his thumb twice over his throat making a "shk shk" sound as he does so. Instantly, I'll push the barrel containing a homeless kerosene fire toward him while at the same time flipping the lit piece of wood sticking off the edge of it behind me, making sure to duck and push the hot girl's body beneath my own, so as not to be hit by the fiery piece of timber. As the kerosene fire engulfs part of Rhett, the torch will hit the henchman in the face as he lets out a Wilhelm scream. I'll grab the beautiful girl by the wrist and Rhett will douse himself quickly and re-compose himself brandishing his sleek pearl-handled pistol. We'll be halfway down the other end of the alley weaving between boxes by the time he fires his fourth shot.
"You may have gotten away, but it's too late for everyone else," he'll say as he cackles.
As we round the corner and duck into an opium den, the beautiful girl will grab my face with both hands yell, "There's no time! Who is he?! What are we up against?!"
We'll be huddled together out to hide and out of fear and while our bodies are heaving in unison from shortness of breath caused by running and adrenaline I'd loudly whisper, "It can't be... It... can't... be... It's HIM! He knows me too well! Whatever we do, HE'LL ALWAYS BE ONE STEP AHEAD!"
Yeah, that's pretty much where I see us ten years from now. Of course since he's the one who loves Independence Day and also gravitates toward hundreds of beautiful women... the roles will probably be reversed.
Anyway, we're having cake and stuff at our new house in Salt Lake. Come by. Wish Rhett happy birthday.
14 comments:
If you're going to save the world, you need a hot girl by your side. That's why I married Julie.
Remind me again why you don't have a book published?! Those were great descriptions.
I imagine, in 10 years, you will have written a best selling novel that is being turned into a movie that you are discussing on the next Abel Hour...which by the way, will be on satellite radio due to popularity.
...or you could be Homer and get mixed up with Scorpio and end up killing James Bond.
- Deepdish Dashmansushi
Sorry about your Grandmother passing. My condolences (what does that really mean anyway?).
Anyway, you are strong. Thanks for being there for me when I've needed you. Hopefully I can be there for you...someday...
- Jake
Woah.... that was quite the B-day tribute. I want to hear you sing that song tonight.
That was very exciting. In fact, it was so intense that I was out of breath by the time I finished reading.
Oh...and I second Maria's request.
That was a good one Jon.
You and Rhett do know each other all too well. Which comes in handy if I want to know what you think or what you'd say about something and you're not there...I ask Rhett. And vice versa.
If there is one reason to keep a blog I think Aug 8th would be it. I really must say that laughter is Spewing (?) out of me uncontrollably.
This story great, and also very true. However would there be a naked cat in the arms of the villan?
Jon and Rhett, I heart you both Hard! and robert redford/ben kingsly
You know whats funny... the whole time I was reading this I was thinking "why am I the bad guy? These roles should be reversed."
Weird... and we are straight bytheway.
I had to clarify that yesterday for the girl cutting my hair.
...."not that there's anything wrong with that..."
- Jerry S.
Dang...I missed the big birthday! Sadness!
~~
I just thought I'd add another comment so Jon could marvel that he has a total of 12 comments on this post. :-)
So are halfway there to experiencing this? It's been 5 years...
Well...
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