80s explained (lightly)

Some of you may remember the greatest thing ever written on this blog.

I'm going to attempt it again, hopefully successfully.

If you're reading this you're likely too young to remember, but Eddie Murphy recorded an incredible song in the mid-80s. I don't say it's incredible as in vintage Eddie Murphy hilariousness. It's incredible as in absolute Eddie Murphy earnestness. See, things weren't like today where the Lonely Island crew does hilarious stuff on Saturday Night Live and does hilarious music videos. Back then Eddie Murphy was being so freaking hilarious, that he just had to get his emotions out through serious pop music and studio sing-dancing.

I've embedded the video below, but I would actually recommend opening the video in a completely new window so you can follow along with my commentary: http://youtu.be/bDbpzjbXUZI




Alright! Let's watch this together shall we?

0:00 -- This is a studio video supposedly showing the actual recording of the song. Notice that the studio engineers frantically attempting to get the studio ready BECAUSE THE MUSIC HAS ALREADY STARTED!

0:04 -- Yes, the song has started and Eddie hasn't even shown up yet. Here is Eddie, descending a staircase. Will he make it into the studio by the time the vocals are needed? And if he doesn't make it will he need to leave the studio and descend the staircase again for the next take?

0:04 -- I notice that the little words in the corner reveal this song is on an album called How Could It Be. A quick trip to Wikipedia reveals that an entire 80s music album from Eddie Murphy exists and apparently this was the best song.

0:06 -- Cigarette smoke. Always weird to see on video because it's like, illegal now or something.

0:08 -- The music is playing and they're STILL PLUGGING IN THE EQUIPMENT.

0:09 -- Did you catch that editing trick? They cut to two separate shots right on a quick double beat. I think editing to the beat is something missing from music videos today which are far better shot, but don't incorporate a musical rhythm to the editing. The two shots were of a digital display and a volume meter, but still...

0:18 -- Eddie! You made it! And there's small talk! The small talk is important to music videos to show that this is real and we're not just playing the audio to the song. Well, we are just playing audio to the song, but we're offsetting that by stiff, insincere dialogue getting in the way of the song.

0:20 -- See the back of crazy curly blond guy? Know who that is? It's Rick James! Yes, THAT Rick James. I've been reading that book about the history of MTV and a few people said that Rick James complained that his videos weren't shown in the early days. He's got a huge point. MTV was infamously lousy at showing videos by black artists back then. The book interviews a few people who said that the reason they didn't play "Super Freak" wasn't because of race, but because it was trashy. See for yourself. I kind of like that video. Anyway, it looks like Rick's hair got pretty peroxided after he washed the goop out from the "Super Freak" video.

0:25 -- Introductions! The audio is a bit muffled, but Rick James definitely explained to someone (either Eddie or one of the sound engineers) that the title of the song is apparently "Party All the Time."

0:35 -- Notice Eddie's pause as he went out the studio door. He's timing this thing perfectly. No way he's going to stand silent behind the microphone for one freaking second longer than necessary. Also notice the people trapped in the glass box to the right. I was going to make fun of them, but if I recall this video correctly they become very important later on.

0:39 -- Eddie is an extraordinary comedian. He's no musician though. This point is evidenced by his needing instruction from Rick James about what to do with the headphones sitting in front of him.

0:43 -- Eddie gives a glance to his fellow musician that seems to say "Wow. Have you tried these headphones out? There's music going directly to my brain from both sides!"

0:45 -- If you're watching this for the first time you surely recognize Eddie Murphy, so there's no trick there. Up to this point you're probably questioning the seriousness of it all. But right now is when he starts singing and that's when you realize that this is the most serious thing ever recorded on audio or video. There is just enough hesitation in Eddie's voice to make him vulnerable. This is not tongue-in-cheek. This is absolutely the real deal.

0:50 -- The studio is absolutely buzzing. Surely they've heard the computer-generated backing beat and synth over and over again, but somehow the Aziz Anzari-sounding voice of Eddie Murphy is putting a whole new spin on this machine-made generic sound.

0:59 -- The Eddie Murphy double-clap, you'll learn, is his "Party All the Time" signature move.

1:00 -- The keyboardist is singing too. Notice that he's not mic'ed. That means he doesn't have an obligation to do backing vocals, but he just can't help it.

1:05 -- This is my favorite shot so far. We get to see Rick James' very awesome pants with those stringy things on there that Davy Crockett and Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders have. Also notice the guy at the end of the mixing board. He's in the studio and can't contain himself. He's singing directly to the camera as if the infectious performances of this song can't be contained behind glass.

1:06 -- Double clap by Rick James. Nice. Somehow that got recorded into the audio. Well, we established earlier that the audio was recorded before the video was made, but this is a video of the recording of the song, so it's sort of a chicken and the egg thing. Also, for some reason the control booth seems to be mic'ed right where Rick James' hands are.

1:10 -- Eddie's mouth slowly curves into a smile. It looks like he may have gotten a little bit of a confidence build from some kind of antics off-camera. Just in time too, because here comes the chorus.

1:15 -- The people behind the glass box are unleashed! The man on the left seems to be the choir director. "Okay everyone, it goes 'party all the time, party all the time, party all the time.' Got it?"

1:20 -- There are two white men in the room who are the only people not having a good time. It's like they're dean and associate dean of Whitey University. Les Garland (former MTV executive vice president of programming from 1982-1987) said in the MTV book I mentioned earlier that he couldn't play "Super Freak" because it was "a booty video in a swimming pool" (Les was correct about everything but the pool). Then Rick James called him a racist and Garland confronted him about it and they apologized to each other. According to Garland: "You remember the Eddie Murphy video 'Party All the Time'? Rick wrote that song. And I'm one of the two white guys in that video." My vote's on the bald guy.

1:21 -- When I see the guy in the control room with the hat having a good time, I realize I'm making way too much fun of this song.

1:26 -- The camera pans past a grand piano, teasing us with the idea that the bridge will involve some fanciful Gershwinesque key-plunking.

1:30 -- Hey! Is that Michael Bolton?

1:35 -- Rick James' air drumming shows that he is stifled behind that studio glass. The guy needs to be making the music!

1:54 -- Where is that background voice coming from? Is it the phantom of the studio?

2:00 -- Eddie snaps his fingers dangerously close to the microphone. They must've removed that in post.

2:24 -- Interesting choice to focus on the backup singer when there are no backup vocals present.

2:26 -- Okay, seriously watch the guy on the right. He's hilarious. I think he's sort of poking fun of the video but it happened to be caught on tape.

2:48 -- Didn't say anything during the last 20 seconds because I was caught up in the chorus. Again. But notice now that Rick James seems to be feeding on the mystical energy that has enveloped the studio. It's practically writhing within him. It's sort of like in that movie The Last Dragon when Sho'nuff achieved "the glow."

3:00 -- Eddie nods to the booth. Both are validated. This sucker's hot.

3:07 -- High fives abound, but there's still a minute left! Wait, Rick! Where are you going?

3:09 -- Oh wait. There's one more white guy. Maybe that's Garland.

3:18 -- What! YES! Rick James CANNOT contain himself! He's heading right into the middle of the take, possibly wrecking the whole recording, but HE CANNOT BE STOPPED! The music is calling! HARD.

3:28 -- Rick straps on a guitar. I can't quite hear the guitar in this song, but perhaps that's my problem. We also realize where that disembodied voice came from earlier. Rick James does the background vocals, and played his pre-records earlier, but he obviously realized that he still hadn't bothered to do the vocals for the END of the song.

3:55 -- Alright, as the song ends can we really blame them for recording this song? I had a good time.

3:58 -- Man hug. Hug it out bitches! You deserve it.

4:03 -- Whoops. They forgo the final vocals, but instead give the Buckwheat "o'tay" hand symbol to the camera.

4:04 -- And the devil horns while looking evil cool.

(NOTE: I sat on this blog post for nearly a year because I was planning on writing a serious companion serious 80s piece about a different subject entirely. That may still be in the works. Maybe.)

oscars 2013 happyfuntime

If you're reading this, you're invited to my house for the Oscar party this Sunday.

All I ask is that you make it a little interesting and fill out your Oscar picks. Hey, there's no need to be all snooty and say you're too good for it, or that you just don't have time for movies or whatever. If that's the case, spare your breath and just pick some random titles. The ones you get lucky on will be thrilling.

So like last year, we're gonna do "confidence rules." From what I understand, these rules were put together by the movie critic Jeff Bayer and are well summarized on his site here.

Here's the gist. You make your picks and then you rank each category from 1 to 24 with 24 being your most confident pick. The ranking corresponds with how many points you get if you get that category right. If you get every single category, you'll score a perfect 300 (like in bowling).

What's in it for you? Well, not much other than it's friendly competition and it's fun. Also, the winner gets a prize. Last year the winner received the movie Hanna on DVD (and it resides comfortably on my DVD shelf).

Obviously, you need to have your picks filled out before the ceremony starts. If you're still filling it out when the first award is given, you may only rank the remaining categories from 1 to 23.

For your convenience, I've uploaded a list of all the nominations in both PDF and JPG formats. This way, even if you're not at my house, you can play along and let me know what your score is, which would be awesome.

The files have been modified (shoddily) with the instructions and spaces to put in your rankings so you can tally everything up more easily.

2013 Academy Awards PDF
2013 Academy Awards JPG

Anyway, be sure to be over to my house at like 4 or so to chat and scope out the red carpet. Message me for directions if you need them. Bring somebody (if they're cool).

If you don't come though, please lemme know your score anyway. Maybe you'll win anyway.

2012 in twitter

These days, I live more on Twitter than I do in real life. If you've wondered how 2012 went with me, here it is in Twitter form. You should be able to piece together my hilarious and tragic life just fine from the following transcript of mostly sad highlights and weak philosophy. Actually, it's pretty much just about going to movies and eating hot dogs.

(follow me! ... @rexbasior.)

12 Jan: 

Salt Lake City is the gayest city in America? Wait until I tell my husbands!

20 Jan:

Hearty recommendations to both Sundance movies I've seen so far -- The Raid and Indie Game: The Movie. I cried in one and bled in the other.

26 Jan:

How did we kiss passionately before the French arrived on the scene?

26 Feb:

Won the Oscar pool. My house. My rules. My birthday. Thanks to my friends and thanks to cinema. Next year it's black tie.

9 Mar:

After Bridesmaids and now Friends With Kids there needs to be a sitcom where Jon Hamm is constantly cruel to Kristen Wiig.

17 Mar: 

Valley Fair Mall is officially considered another country, right?

23 Mar:

She had a whole wardrobe team, but Katniss looked her hottest in the opening minutes in designer boots and undersized Robin Hood outfit.

23 Mar: 

I'm incredibly surprised that the couples from Districts 1 and 2 spent that first night on rest rather than orgy.

29 Mar:

Ahhh, spring allergies -- God's way of telling us we don't deserve a perfect season.

29 Mar:

A nice young man at work asked me today, "Hey man, how old are you? 25?" Shucks. I'm officially gay now.

29 Mar:

Hey, remember that whole me being gay thing? That totally wore off.

11 Apr:

Tomorrow I start my new job as a copywritter. Excited!

12 Apr:

Was worried about being ready for my new job. Fortunately, that 10-year course on the difference between CTRL+C and CTRL+V totally paid off.

14 Apr:

Doing my taxes, although my income hardly warrants a pluralization of that. Doing my tax. There.

20 Apr

If I ever started a sushi place, I'd call it Su Su Sushio. Our famous roll will be called the "Phil Collins" (we'd also have a Rick roll).

1 May:

This churro is so covered in sugar that I take flight merely by happy thoughts.

3 May:

Seriously people, I really appreciate all of your prayers. I'm happy to report that they weren't in vain. I just had my first Doritos taco.

3 May:

The 2005 episode of Doctor Who I just watched took place west of Salt Lake City in 2012. Right place at right time for the first time ever.

4 May:

So the last half hour of Avengers. That was a direct homage to Team America right?

8 May:

This may make me sound really old, but I gotta say it. The music of Phil Collins gets more and more awesome the more I look like him.

19 May:

So the ol' X-box stopped working. 30 seconds from now will be a panic attack. 90 seconds from now will be a shooting spree. #advancewarning

2 Jun:

What made me happy today: Hot dog from Maverick. Sometimes you really gotta look.

2 Jun:

Nobody join me for Snow White and the Huntsman at 8:40 at Century 16. Haven't showered today and also I'm bald.

3 Jun:

The best part of Snow White and the Huntsman is how she thought to wear her JMR jeans underneath the gown she was imprisoned in.

22 Jun:

Also strange that Ferris and Sloane's brilliant plan to snap Cam out of a trance is to precariously prop him on a diving board.

23 Jun: 

A fun part of going to Broadway Theatre these days is seeing all the old people walking out of Best Exotic Marigold Hotel.

23 Jun:

Other fun thing about going to Broadway Theatre these days: watching all the young douches go into Moonrise Kingdom.

26 Jun:

A Maverick hot dog covered in onions followed immediately by 2 Arby-Qs. SHAME ALERT! SHAME ALERT! #crying

30 Jun:

My body is having an allergic reaction to all the deodorants I try. I may need to join a commune.

30 Jun:

Does anyone need anything from Home Depot? I'm making my septannual visit now.

4 Jul:

Befitting the holiday, I always seem to spend Independence Day alone.

4 Jul:

Used ID4 as excuse to buy my latest Maverick hot dog then immediately realized I'm statistically guaranteed to die from a Maverick hot dog.

11 Jul:

Rather than getting a good night's rest, i think something I dreamed about beat me up.

16 Jul:

I've earned more coins playing DrawSomething than I've earned at my actual job.

21 Jul:

The Dark Knight Rises was the best remake of Rocky III I've ever seen.

24 July:

Do I have to drive to the airport to get a Cinnabon?

24 July:

Okay new rule: The guy getting picked up from the airport is now required to buy the pick-up guy a Cinnabon. SPREAD IT! (pls RT)

26 Jul:

Siri, will the day I stop being angry be the day I die?

6 Aug:

It's taken like 30 years, but I just realized I'm totally gay for girls.

8 Aug:

Hey gang. I'll be attending my first Star Trek convention ever this weekend. Taking requests on which ST celebrities you'd like me to stab.

10 Aug:

Mind. Blown. I'm at a Star Trek convention and there's no wi-fi. #trekcon

15 Aug:

I'm totally getting skin failure. I may have a flesh-eating virus. Why couldn't I have gotten a fat-eating virus?

18 Aug:

Left the house today to get my oil changed. Came home with 106 vinyl records. Either have the awesomest or the miserablest life imaginable.

18 Aug:

Suddenly sneezing while urinating just now may have been my most stressful half second of this year.

21 Aug:

Do not give me the remedy. I prefer the itch.

24 Aug:

Maybe you've already seen BACK, maybe you haven't. But do you know what's hilarious? Watching it with YouTube captions. http://youtu.be/Ew298ytWJHo 

25 Aug:

Siri, why do midgets want us to call them dwarfs? They don't have magic armor and rarely grow long white beards.

25 Aug:

When I eat alone I often think well at least I'm not sharing this awkward silence with anybody.

1 Sep:

Leaving the theater after watching Hit and Run. Resisting the urge to peel out. Of course I drive a Corolla, so... default.

4 Sep:

Ugh. I ate like kings yesterday. Yeah that's right. Kings. Plural.

6 Sep:

The apology email from Netflix whenever they send a damaged disc is pretty much the kindest correspondence I receive these days.

9 Sep:

At Smith's: Nissin chow mein, Skittles Riddles, Ruffles BBQ chips, Softsoap body wash and a Wired magazine comes to EXACTLY $15.

14 Sep:

WOW. I'm never up THIS early! Thanks, dream in which I've been shot in the head!

17 Sep:

A beautiful song is already written and perfectly catered to YOU. You'd weep instantly if you heard it. Tragically, you'll never hear it.

19 Sep:

Considering contributing to public radio. My parents' disappointment in me is finally complete.

22 Sep:

I would totally drink a balsamic vinegar flavored soda.

28 Sep:

A half hour ago I will finishing watch Looper. Or will I saw it in 30 years? Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaggggggghhhhh!!!!! #timetravel

5 Oct:

First command on my new iPhone: "Siri, KILL FLANDERS."

9 Oct:

Couple i'm next to at concert are slow dancing. I forget. is it shank someone with a shiv or shiv someone with a shank?

12 Oct:

Our annual party assembly/talent show event is easily my most stressful three hours of work all year.

18 Oct:

My showers usually take 11 minutes, but I've missed a few lately. Today's shower lasted 66 minutes.

20 Oct:

Nothing set this evening, so I head to the office to put in a bit of OT. Network down. Forced to leave. This weekend even WORK rejected me.

22 Oct:

Siri, if human blood provides life-giving essence to vampires, why are they so unconcerned when it spills everywhere when they feed?

22 Oct:

Hey Siri! It's like they suck at sucking! Hahahaha!

22 Oct:

Siri! Please start talking to me again!

26 Oct:

I would likely buy the iPad mini if they just called it the iPhone maxi.

28 Oct:

Don't necessarily want to be young again, but at least when I was young there were a lot less young people. pic.twitter.com/ps0xVUs7

2 Nov:

About 90% sure that the employees at the Del Taco near work are sick of me coming over and are poisoning me.

5 Nov:

Siri, are people who back their cars into parking spaces just deluding themselves?

6 Nov:

Can I break with the enthusiasm? If you don't know who to vote for, do a favor and don't vote. Eeny meeny miny isn't progress or patriotism.

8 Nov:

While my head's shaved I'm thinking of starting a high-octane video web series entitled "WUSS STATHAM!"

12 Nov:

Siri, remind me to hire an intern to confiscate my razor blades in case I listen to The Cure Pandora station all day again.

16 Nov:

Slipping... out... of consciousness. If... I survive... the night... never... Carl's Jr.... again...

19 Nov:

Because of perfectly aligned windows, the Earth's sun and Indy's Staff of Ra; there's a 3 hour daily period I can't see my computer screen.

22 Nov:

I always get depressed on Thanksgiving because I kinda have TOO many things to be thankful for.

1 Dec:

If you're looking for a place to dine but you're also a cheap jerk, consider Maccaroni Grill. Absolutely the best water in town.

1 Dec:

Usually when I eat alone the hostess provides a dude waiter for me. Finally realized they do that because guys who eat alone are creeps.

4 Dec:

Don't let them torture the drone! MT @cnnbrk: Iran says captured U.S. military drone, U.S. says no drones are missing.http://on.cnn.com/SuKd8b 

5 Dec:

So sad. Stopped off at Maverick for a cheddarwurst and 2 Krispy Kremes and now have no room for my nightly ritual sleeve of Oreos. :(

7 Dec:

End of Watch must be the first movie completely made up of deleted scenes.

7 Dec:

Peed 3x at same theater. Before, during and after the movie. Do I not sweat enough?

9 Dec:

Speaking of, totally gave my number to a dude last night. Not gay but he was pretty good looking. Nice to know I still got it.

9 Dec:

Siri, is a panic attack just adrenalized meditation?

10 Dec:

I'm gonna see Django Unchained, then probably Les Miz, AND THEN I'm gonna open presents.

11 Dec:

I think at this point I actually need to hand-write a letter to Pandora explaining that Creedence Clearwater Revival just isn't my thing.

11 Dec:

Pandora just played the 21-minute version of "Dazed and Confused." Now naked on the floor rubbing lava lamp fluid on me and still at work.

12 Dec:

Oof. Ate so much Rio for lunch today that I think I cracked two ribs. I'd be proud if I wasn't still crying.

12 Dec:

Lack of jolliness. RT @RoyFillmore: @rexbasior Jon, how do you not weigh 300 pounds right now?

14 Dec:

Finally finished watching The Hobbit. It was pretty good! Definitely the second best film version of that book.

14 Dec:

Non-spoiler quick review of The Hobbit: It's kinda like watching 1/3 of Fellowship, but in slow motion.

18 Dec:

I don't get why after I've committed to give a stranger a few bucks, they still continue on with their story. Does it end with a punchline?

22 Dec:

iTunes wouldn't sync, the store didn't have the right size, the restaurant has the wrong special. The world really did end... subtly.

24 Dec:

My mustache cowlicks are going right up my nostrils. Happy holidays.

25 Dec:

When they say make the Yuletide gay, are they talking about Prancer? Cuz that's a pretty gay name, even for reindeer.

26 Dec:

I'm fairly certain that the "I Dreamed a Dream" sequence was a shot for shot remake of Sinead O'Conner's "Nothing Compares 2 U" video.

27 Dec:

Watching some Buffy tonight. She knows kung fu, which I have no problem with. What I don't understand is why the VAMPIRES know kung fu.

31 Dec:

If you have medication that says "take with food," do other pills count as food?

31 Dec:

Got a pretty nasty cold so I won't be kissing anyone tonight. Unless of course there are girls around.

jon's twitter feed from last year's downton abbey christmas special

FYI Downton Abbey starts again tomorrow. The following is what I tweeted during last year's Downton Abbey Christmas Special. 


Starting promptly at 8 I will be tweeting live during Downton Abbey.

Is Thomas still gay? Or did World War I knock the gay out of him?

Did they bring in a Chinese gong for Christmas?

Is Thomas going to seance William just to bug Daisy? What a suave bastard.

Wow. Mary's an ultrabitch even whilst playing charades.

Lady Edith deserves young love. Sort of. Well, give her what she can get.

Bates and Anna should be talking through prison glass and oldschool phones with the separate ear pieces.

Only fitting of course that hottest daughter according to the SNL parody is the first impregnated.

I miss Lavinia. And now her father too. Matthew and Lavinia 4 eva.

I sense a "hunting accident" shortly. Matthew take the gun to Mary's beau!

Lady Edith: striking out with old crippleds. Poor lass.

Wait! We skipped Boxing Day? What a perfect chance to showcase the different lives of the servants with the lords!

Mary Crawley: body of evidence: Turk killer: master sextress.

That was some awesome barristing. Even I think Bates killed his wife.

Guilty! Did they forget the defense?

Rich men have trophy wives all the time. What's wrong with Lady Rosamund giving in to a fortune hunter?

Thomas, you may be evil and a thief, but play the homophobe card to get bates' position!

"No touching!" But kissing apparently allowed on death row.

They really need a dog for the dog search.

The party I'm at collectively swooned at the mere image of the town blacksmith. I've found a new hobby and a use for the back shed

Yay Matthew! Defend Mary's honor! Just don't bruise your spine! Again!

Speaking of Matthew... he's based on Lisa Simpson's future British husband right?

I mean they look and speak exactly the same. Plus Lisa's guy also bruised his spine. It was on a compost heap, but still...

Overheard at the party: "Matthew needs that stiff drink to dance with O'Brien."

Aaaand it ends a half hour early for the making of documentary. See you in season 3 folks!

the top 53 movies of 2012!

Alrighty then. Let's get this over with!

A couple of notes about this list. It includes all the movies I saw in theaters in 2012. It also includes all non-2012 movies I saw in the theater. That means there's some spillover from 2011 (The Muppets, The Artist) and some old movies that were either re-released or one-time engagements (Raiders of the Lost Ark, The Royal Tennenbaums, etc). This skews the whole "movies of 2012" thing, so I hope you'll understand. Some of the ones I've mentioned aren't even movies, but Fathom Events of RiffTrax and British plays and stuff like that. Weird stuff like that didn't make my top ten so I can still have a top ten list of unadulterated 2012 movies.

Also, there were a few movies that came out in 2012 that I saw at home on DVD or streaming (Tim and Eric's Billion Dollar Movie, Beyond the Black Rainbow, etc.)

In short, there are lots of movies included. When I went over them yesterday I was amazed at how many I actually really liked. Either I'm getting better at knowing what will be good for me before I see it or I'm getting more open-minded to a lot of crap. Seriously, the top 50 (of 53 movies) were actually pretty enjoyable.

Talk to me a year from now, though. Every time I do this, I seriously regret several slots. That's part of the fun, I suppose. Obviously I didn't see every movie in the theaters, so stuff like Zero Dark Thirty, The Master and Beasts of the Southern Wild will have to make next year's list, even though they should be mentioned on the 2012. I do what I can.

Here we go.

53. John Dies at the End
This one may not be worth mentioning. It was just a silly sci-fi monster movie that played as a Sundance midnight movie. I'll just tell you right now there's a lot of crazy monster stuff that's supposed to be funny, but just gets really boring and tedious. Also, John doesn't actually die at the end. Spoiler, but whatever.

52. Taken 2
Sorta like Taken, but with all the fun and fire removed. It did have its moments, like when Qui-Gon Jinn found where he was by having Shannon from Lost just start hucking grenades all over Istanbul.

51. Savages
Very silly drug movie from Oliver Stone. The ending was cheap in a laughable way. People love Taylor Kitsch, but I haven't seen Friday Night Lights yet, so maybe it's my fault. Blake Lively seems like a corpse to me though.

50: The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey
I've been getting a kick out of making fun of this movie for the past few weeks, but now I feel sort of bad about it. It wasn't too bad and I'm amazed that I liked 49 movies more (that's a compliment to other movies and not a slam on The Hobbit). However, there were problems. Yes, it's 1/3 of a fairly short book and it definitely feels that way. The gang doesn't even leave Bilbo's house until like 40 minutes in.  From then on it feels like 1/3 of Fellowship played in slow motion. There is a very action-packed sequence involving goblins toward the end, that seems very Rube Goldberg-ish. I can see how that might be exciting for people, but it got pretty old for me pretty quick. There was no sense of danger in the slightest. Sort of like a Bugs Bunny cartoon.

49. End of Watch
Lots of folks really liked this one for its realism. I totally commend it for that. BUT, it also seemed like it was a movie nearly composed entirely of deleted scenes. Donnie Darko and that Pena guy were phenomenal together though.

48. Tim and Eric's Billion Dollar Movie
Would not advise anybody to see this movie. If you do though, make sure it's past midnight and the gigglefits have started to come on.

47. Beyond the Black Rainbow
This one's hilarious too, in a freaky serious earnest way. Weird. Weird. Weird. Weird. Weird. Weird. It's like being back in the 80s and catching something weird on Showtime at 2 a.m. and missing the first  half so you know even less of what's going on and while you're watching it realizing that you're just DREAMING you're watching it.

46. The Expendables 2
Better than the first. Violenter than expected. So that was nice.

45. The Amazing Spider-Man
I liked this one more than the previous trilogy (thanks mostly to Emma Stone's sexy wool socks), but I don't think I ranked the other ones so low. Ultimately, though, this one won't be remembered as well, and deservedly so. If they're gonna reboot so early, it would have been nice if they diverged much further from the previous incarnation.

44. Ted
Most of my love for this movie is because Ted makes the absolutely true claim that the 1980 film version of Flash Gordon is the best film ever made. Very true. Galactically. Also, Mark Wahlberg is phenomenal  in comedic roles. We need to tell him this more often.

43. This is 40
I think I like Apatow-directed movies more than any of my friends, even though they are too long. I dunno, though. Who says a comedy has to be short? If it's funny and consistent, why wouldn't we want more of it. The straight Apatow written and directed movies are a very different bit of humor. Less punch lines and more generally humorous conversations. It's something he does best. Of course this one may be his worst, but alas. It's still great to have it every few years. Btw, if you don't want to watch the movie, make sure you watch the end credits. Melissa McCarthy goes nuts and it's hilarious.

42. Jack Reacher
Saw this with my stepdad, which was fun because he was in the military and he's read all the Jack Reacher books. He told me the MPs in his unit really sucked at marksmanship. So that was fun. The movie was alright too. I don't think there was a scene with Tom Cruise running, which was weird. I did like Cruise in this though. Yeah, he's supposed to be a big guy, but I have no allegiance to the books anyway, and my stepdad liked it, so there. Rosamund Pike sounds weird with an American accent. I think the accent lowered her voice an octave. Also, there's one outfit she wears that makes her boobs pretty phenomenal.

41. Moonrise Kingdom
Not a super fan of Wes Anderson. I appreciated tons of the visuals and quirk here (enough to like it more than Jack Reacher!), but I can't find the heart in his films. It's almost as if the pod people in Invasion of the Body Snatchers made a movie.

40. Oscar Nominated Animated Shorts
Hoo boy. I saw these like a year ago. They seemed to be okay. They were nominated for Oscars, after all.

39. Haywire
I may have ranked this one so well because I'm disappointed in hearing so many people say that Gina Corano didn't act well in it (apparently she's some kind of MMA fighter or something). Maybe it's the feminist in me, but she acts better than Seagal and Van Damme and nobody seemed to blame them for anything. Also Fassbender's in this one. And the Carano-Fassbender fight was pretty cool.

38. Hit and Run
Flaws aplenty. Despite that I'd like to be friends with Kristen Bell and Dax Shepherd. They sort of seem like groovy folks.

37. RiffTrax Live -- Manos: The Hands of Fate
Worst movie of all time? I don't think so! 37th best theater experience of 2012! The RiffTrax guys always give me incredible stomach exercise.

36. Raiders of the Lost Ark (in IMAX)
The perfectest movie ever. Of course, in IMAX, the perfectest movie reveals what few flaws it has quite strikingly. Still, they just don't make 'em like they used to.

35. Star Trek: The Next Generation ("Q Who?" and "The Measure of a Man")
They had this special theater event where they showed two Next Gen eps. "Q Who?" is probably more exciting than any of the actual TNG movies. "The Measure of a Man" was quite good, especially with additional scenes not shown on TV that really filled out some of the philosophical aura of the episode.

34. 48-hour Movie Competition: Event B
I'm partially including this because I was actually in it. You wanna do something fun? Watch "Back" with the YouTube-generated captions on. Hilarious! I promise.

33. The Hunger Games
Pretty good, but I had some serious camera-work issues. They were forced into shaky-cam to get the PG-13 rating, which many people praised as a non-explicit loophole. Personally, I feel it would have suited the story and setting far more if instead of shaking away from the violence, they instead cut away to the television audience reaction, from stimulated to horrified).

32. ParaNorman
My biggest praise of this movie is that it really respects the kids in its audience. Yes, kids can handle a movie with obvious horror elements. Casting McLovin as a bully was actually a pretty good choice too.

31. 21 Jump Street
Sorta funny, but I think it really works because Channing Tatum and Jonah Hill really did seem like buds.

30. The Muppets (2011)
Last year's movie. Pretty good!

29. Premium Rush
This one played out like a low-budget 80s action film, right down to the "fight the man" coming together of the good bicyclist and evil bicyclist. Michael Shannon as the quintessential 80s bad guy is really the icing on this cake.

28. To Rome with Love
I always give props to Woody Allen. No matter what. This one is no exception, even if it is a bit unusual. It's an ensemble piece with several storylines, but some of the storylines seem to take place in a day and some over the course of several months. Maybe this was on purpose to achieve a sort of dreamy fantastic quality. Underneath all the exuberance, though -- sadness.

27. Goon
I'm not sure if this movie ever played in theaters. It is on Netflix, though, and I'd recommend checking it out. Hockey movie that deals with the guy on the team specifically in charge of putting the other guys out of commission. Our hero is quite good at throwing punches, but is also a sweetheart of a nice guy. Alison Pill is here and she's just as fun as in Scott Pilgrim (and waaaaaaaay funner than she is on The Newsroom).

26. The Queen of Versailles
This documentary deals with the "time share king" and his vapid family building the nations largest single-family dwelling place and losing it all during the housing crisis. The movie is remarkably restrained by not shelling out a series of cheap shots at an easy target. Still, my favorite moment is when the mom rents a car for the first time and asks the Enterprise guy "the name of her driver."

25. Silver Linings Playbook
I'm sensing a recurring theme here. This is an adequate story that involves people with with grief-induced mental illness, but the reason the movie works is from the dynamic of Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Lawrence (who is far more fun as a disgruntled nymphomaniac widow than a post-apocalyptic teen archer).

24. Wanderlust
Jennifer Aniston hasn't been this funny since Friends and Paul Rudd is someone I constantly want to spend time with. I have a new soft spot for David Wain movies in much the same way I have for Woody Allen movies. I love this movie, but if you haven't seen a David Wain flick, please check out Role Models.

23. Seven Psychopaths
This is a good one, but I don't really know what to write about it. I may have to think for another year about it. It addresses violence as an issue in a very funny... and violent way. I haven't decided if I appreciate that method or not. Still, you can't go wrong with heavy doses of Sam Rockwell and Christopher Walken (who are extraordinary on bad days (and are beyond that here)). There's a line in the movie that's not answered: "What are Americans known for?" I think (especially considering recent events) the answer the movie gives is violence. Then again, maybe the movie isn't as deep as I think I'm supposed to take it.

22. Lincoln
Should have been called The 13th Amendment. Daniel Day-Lewis is amazing, but the most interesting thing about the movie is how much of a large ensemble it is. Check the IMDb page. Everyone's in this freaking movie and some of the best parts are on the floor of congress, where Lincoln wasn't.

21. Room 237
This one may be hard to explain. It's not a documentary about the movie The Shining, but a documentary about the crazy people who have all sorts of conspiracy theories regarding The Shining. Such theories include the idea that Stanley Kubrick made The Shining in order to reveal that he took part in faking the Apollo 11 moon landing. Like in The Queen of Versailles, this one doesn't take cheap shots at anyone. It can't really because it's gotta be the most cheaply made documentary ever. It's just audio laid over footage from Kubrick films (which I believe is one reason this one is so difficult to see -- because the rights to the movies weren't given). Despite the cheapness, the film comes across not as an indictment of overanalysis, but the joy of it.

20. Safety Not Guaranteed
Yeah, I'm a sucker for time-travel movies, but this isn't a time travel movie so much as it is a quaint story of people letting their guards down long enough to care about each other. Aubrey Plaza's kind of annoying, but Duplass is always great (and pretty different here). My highlight character is a supporting role from Nick from New Girl.

19. Sleepwalk with Me
I've been really into Mike Birbiglia's stand-up lately. The guy really excels at the story-driven stuff, so the fact that this is his first directorial feature, and it's quite good, is no surprise. His stand-up relating to the events of this movie are far funnier, but the movie has a lot of heart and real emotion that's respectable and touching.

18. Friends with Kids
It's a pretty laugh out loud comedy, but it's worth noting that, like Sleepwalk with Me, there's some real emotion and connection with these characters. It doesn't hurt that there's Bridesmaids reunion of Jon Hamm, Kristen Wiig, Chris O'Dowd and Maya Rudolph.

17. Your Sister's Sister
Made by the same team that made Humpday (which I sort of hated), this one was actually pretty good. It involves a trapped love triangle (one of which is the delectable Emily Blunt) that runs through the wringer of loss, guilt and family. It's also refreshingly full of ad-libbed dialog. I admit, if every movie was ad-libbed rather than polished, it would get annoying fast. Fortunately we get just enough of it every year with flicks like this.

16. Shut Up and Play the Hits
Another documentary. This is about the final concert of LCD Soundsystem. I'm not really a fan, but the concert footage was exemplary and created a party of the senses. The concert footage is intercut with interview footage between the mastermind of LCD Soundsystem, James Murphy, and the most diabolical interviewer ever (and my personal hero), Chuck Klosterman.

15. The Avengers
Do I need to tell you about this movie? I'm sure you saw it. Everybody did. I will say, it was the action that was weak though. The real fun is the interaction between our heroes, who were all heroes in vividly different ways.

14. The Dark Knight Rises
I could talk about the flaws of this film all day (and I have). The fact is though, talking about the flaws of a Christopher Nolan movie is a lot like talking about the lack of a sliding van door on a Porsche. His films tend to be so high above the norm that ripping it apart is just a way to pass the time between saying "Wow, that was incredible." Great movie, but still probably the least great of Nolan's Batman films.

13. The Artist (2011)
Let's get it out of the way. This film is overrated. I don't say that as a knock on the movie. I say it so that when you finally see it, you know that it might not necessarily be the best film of 2011 (it won Best Picture), but it does deserve an immense amount of credit and deserves to be wholly enjoyed. That Bejo chick is an absolute delight and both leads find true charm within the constraints of a long-lost film type. Yes, the silent film treatment is a gimmick. But it lands and succeeds fully within that gimmick.

12. The Royal Tennenbaums
This old movie played at the Tower for a one-time event. I said I didn't appreciate Wes Anderson, but I really love this one. It came out like ten years ago, so don't take my word for it.

11. Frankenstein
This is actually a broadcast of a recent British play version of Frankenstein directed by Danny Boyle and starring Benedict Cumberbatch as Dr. Frankenstein and Jonny Lee Miller as the monster (coincidentally both actors are separately playing Sherlock Holmes on British and American television). It is kind of weird to watch the taping of a play in a movie theater, but this sucker was dark and twisted enough to keep me caring throughout. Lots of critiques on humanity. If we do create a new form of life, it may be far more enlightened than us by default.

10. The Perks of Being a Wallflower
I read the book this was based on, but didn't remember most of the details, so I was sorta re-living it again for the first time. Everyone was very real. So real, in fact, that I actually missed the 90s for a couple of hours. It was great. Wish I had more to say.

9. Skyfall
Somehow this James Bond movie re-wrote everything about how to make a James Bond film and also went back to Bond basics at the same time. It's just great to have the guy back. There's a reason he's lasted this long. There's also a reason why the 007 film was successful this year, but the Bourne film wasn't. Bourne was a great adrenalizer, but Bond is simply eternal. We may get a little tired of him now and then, but like his women, we'll always come crawling back.

8. Indie Game: The Movie
Alright last documentary. It's about independent video game makers, but the profession isn't at all what's important here. It's an exhaustive record of the blood, tears and most of all emotional stability of people who put everything they have into succeeding at just one thing. Heartbreaking. Inspirational.

7. The Raid
I saw this at Sundance (before they changed the title to Colon Redemption). Not much to say about this one except it kinda rocks. Non-stop Indonesian martial arts. My second favorite moment: when the tiny psycho guy laid down his weapon in front of the cop so they could duke it out like men. My favorite moment: when the tiny psycho guy laid down his weapon in front of the two brothers so the three of them could duke it out like men.

6. Django Unchained
A slight disappointment, but by Tarantino standards that'll still get you in the top ten pretty easy. Cristoph Waltz and Samuel Jackson were very amazing. They delved quite deep into their characters. Surprisingly I was quite fond of Leonardo DiCaprio and he usually bugs me. Come for the scenery, stay for the final hour of incredible blood spatter.

5. Prometheus
If I believed in guilty pleasures, this might be the one for the year. The characters make decisions that make absolutely no sense. I'm still waiting for a very needed online course that goes over the life cycle of the Alien aliens. However, I was pretty riveted during this thing. Even though the characters made Cabin in the Woods-ish decisions (more on that later), I was all in. Funny how in other movies I'd be annoyed at such things, but in others I forgive. I love forgiving so many elements of Prometheus. It does bring horror on two levels. The obvious level -- these things are trying to kill us, as well as the big picture level -- our creator just might exist -- and he/she/it/they doesn't/don't love us all that much.

4. Looper
I'm a sucker for time travel. Looper is especially hilarious though. Not only is it a time travel movie, but it states very early on, "this is about time travel, BUT ALSO, a bunch of people have telekinesis FOR NO REASON, and the plot of the movie depends on it. As for the time travel, it reinvents the rules and focuses on the paradox of two of the same self within the same present. It's the perfect setting for plotting a course that sets young idealism at odds with hindsight wisdom (both through the eyes of a pretty amoral criminal). Rian Johnson for the win. His flicks are always interesting.

3. Argo
Not only does the movie take place in the 70s, it sort of looks like it may have been made in the 70s -- and I don't mean a lame movie from that time either. Argo is relentless in using oldschool Hollywood techniques to make me sweat despite how seemingly formulaic it is. Very fitting that Hollywood itself kind of plays a character in the story.

2. Les Misérables
I've been waiting for this movie for 25 years. When I finally saw it... I was super worried during the first hour. There was A LOT of missed opportunity here. They could have illustrated the music literally (especially during "I Dreamed a Dream") rather than focusing on the close-ups (which turned out rather distracting than intimate). BUT, by the end, I was completely in. I'm in love with Eponine (who was brilliant and heartbreaking) and I want to fight at the barricade no matter the lost cause (thanks to a surprisingly strong Enjolras who is never a super powerful singer when I've seen the play in the past -- and in the movie is possibly the thawed out cryogenic remains of Tom Bailey from Thompson Twins). That last shot got me, man. I'm weeping now.

1. The Cabin in the Woods
Very rarely do I see a movie in the middle of the year and say to myself as I'm watching it, "Well, that's my favorite movie this year." It was pretty easy with The Cabin in the Woods. It's almost unfortunate that The Avengers did well. If I were Joss Whedon, I'd actually be a little miffed that his superior work was so overshadowed. If you watch scary movies, it helps. But Cabin isn't especially scary. It does provide an amazing analogy for why we as a movie-going people continually demand all the things we endlessly complain about. Also, the movie kicks ass.

Questions, disagreements and comments are welcome.

airing of grievances 2012

It's Festivus today. The list of grievances is small this year, but that doesn't mean you haven't disappointed me.

Blinking yellow arrows --
Have you seen these? Now instead of having just a green light, some intersections have a blinking yellow arrow to signify that you can turn left, but still yield to oncoming traffic. Yeah, so it's exactly the same as a green light. The only difference is you may glance up, see that you have a yellow arrow (which normally means "Hurry! You have one second left of a free left turn!"), hit the gas suddenly, and then get hit by an oncoming semi. Seriously. Call your councilman. These are deadly. They must be stopped.

Cutting down something incredibly popular --
Not a fan of Bieber or Twilight. But such things are a part of popular culture and if I bring them up as a part of a natural conversation, I really don't need you telling me how horrible and stupid such things are for the next half hour. I've been subject to that half hour far too many times. It's one I don't need over and over again. It's one nobody needs.

Pandora --
I love the internet music system Pandora and I listen to it every single workday. Pandora is especially proud of their algorithm to piece together all my stations and play things from a combination of everything I listen to. Pandora, don't be proud of this. All it means is it takes all my extremes out of the equation and pumps an overarching selection of safe blandness into my ears. A combination of Oingo Boingo, Erasure, Abba, Rolling Stones and Pink Floyd means I only hear Blondie over and over and over. Get over it Pandora. Loosen your stupid algorithm.

Pandora --
Also, sometimes Pandora plays too many of my favorite songs in a row. Eventually I get sick of hearing good music. Now I just hate music period. I hate hating music.

iTunes --
Yesterday I had a nervous breakdown trying to upload something from iTunes to my iPod. I'm an Apple man until the day I die, but iTunes is taunting me lately.

Take out --
I order a lot of take out. I get the impression that they want me to tip me. They put the check in a little leather case with a pen and everything so I can write the tip in. Then they look away slightly as if they're giving me my privacy to give them money for handing me a plastic bag where they forgot to put utensils in. I'm generous, but I'm not tipping for take out. That's crazy, right? And if I did tip, I'd request it just go right to the cooks. I don't consider myself served unless someone at least pours me a water.

Christmas songs --
I haven't heard "Christmas Wrapping" by the Waitresses yet this year. Pathetic. What's up with that? Get on it stations!

KOSY --
Speaking of, this isn't a grievance, but it must win the award for Grinchiest move of the year. KOSY 106.5 suddenly changed formats to a rock station 4 DAYS BEFORE CHRISTMAS. Douche move, radio. They were still playing Christmas music. Sure we have a lot of Christmas music on other stations, but douche move, right? I mean. It's the weekend before Christmas. In a more broad sense though, what about Showtunes Saturday? I will miss that, even though she kept playing the same showtunes over and over again, which is a grievance in itself. I will listen to the new rock station. Rock will never die. Zeppelin rules!

Outdoor malls --
Why do all new malls exist outside instead of inside? It's a conspiracy to colden us up and get us to buy more clothes. Give us a roof! Central heating!

I have lots more grievances, but they're all in my subconscious and Festivus is over. Stupid subconscious.

it's been fun. oh my.

The apocalypse will be here in 54 minutes. Just wanna really quickly say that I'm sorry. I've tried hard to be good and nice. If I haven't been the goodest and nicest to you, it's not what I meant. Thanks. Love ya world!

halloween sounds 2012

Meant to post this earlier of course. This year's Halloween CD was finished just a couple of days ago. The songs are mixed sprinkled with lines from the various scary movies Insidious, Waxwork, The Gate, Tales of Terror and An American Werewolf in London.

Here's the playlist:

1. "Kiss Kiss Kill Kill" by Horror Pops
2. "Party Til You Puke" by Andrew W.K.
3. "Devil In My Car" by The B-52s
4. "In the Night" by The Pet Shop Boys
5. "Haunted" by Taylor Swift
6. "Gravy (With Some Cyanide)" by John Zacherle
7. "Wolves and Warewolves" by The Pack A.D.
8. "Baby Dracula" by Scarling
9. "Bodysnatchers" by Radiohead
10. "Dull Life" by Yeah Yeah Yeahs
11. "Sneakyville" by Secession
12. "Ghost Town" by The Specials
13. "Electric Funeral" by Black Sabbath
14. "6 Underground" by Sneaker Pimps
15. "Dead Melodies" by Beck
16. "Devil's Song" by Big Pig
17. "Paul Newman vs. the Demons" by The Avett Brothers
18. "Anything Can Happen on Halloween" by Tim Curry

As always, let me know and I'll burn a copy for you. Yes, Halloween is over,  but there's always The Day of the Dead.