the plan for christmas gifts this year

As I sit at the computer and stare directly above me, my eyes catch this object:
It may be hard to tell from the picture but it's mistletoe -- a sign of the season. Yes, it shouldn't actually remind me of Christmas, since it's a perennial feature above my desk (and VERY ineffective btw), but somehow it does a little.

Probably a more obvious feature is the fake Christmas tree I managed to grab from my parents' house. Usually I only keep it up for six months at a time so it is a little more Christmasy. Here it is decked in festive lampshade and ornaments.

Look carefully at the picture of the tree. Notice that there are presents under there. Those are YOUR presents. An explanation follows.

I used to love getting gifts for people because I'd get tons of gifts for everybody I knew. The funnest part of the season for me used to be when I'd give someone a gift and then make them feel bad for not getting me anything. It really gave me a good superior feeling. Unfortunately that sort of practice is simply impractical now. I have too many friends and family.

Now a line must be drawn between those people who get gifts from me and those who don't. It's the worst thing about Christmas. I hate drawing that line. This year I'm not. This year I'm letting YOU draw the line for me.

Recently I placed a large order on Overstock.com for 23 items. I am giving each of these items away as an individual Christmas present. Each item was not purchased for any particular individual. When all the items arrive at my house I will say "Ready, Go!" (probably in the form of another blog post) and the first 23 people will get gifts. After that, nobody gets anything. Now I may sound sort of cold about this, but trust me, I'm doing this because I want you to get something from me. If I went about doing this the traditional way, I probably wouldn't get as many as 23 gifts for individuals. Of course I have way more than 23 friends so there's a good chance that you are my friend, but you wouldn't get anything from me (even though you may have been expecting it).

Anyway, this may seem selfish, but at least I don't have to reveal who my favorite 23 people are. If you participate in this, you will pretty much be inducted into my top 23.

I am planning on a gift for my parents and a group present for the house I live in. Other than that -- THIS IS ALL THE SHOPPING I'M DOING.

What are these gifts you may ask? Well, let me just say that all the gifts I ordered are items I WOULDN'T MIND GETTING MYSELF. So they're not NECESSARILY things you'd throw away on the 26th.

Here are some items I considered ordering for this project, but decided not to (so pretty much the items I ordered are better and/or more cost effective):

I've never read Inferno but it's a classic combining Christian theology with ancient myth in a perfect moral allegory. It's also the title of an X-men comic crossover from the 80s that borrowed several demonic elements from Dante's book. This particular edition was translated by Henry Wordsworth Longfellow (born February 27th!).

Say what you will of the series as a whole, but Goldmember was the best one. It contains one of my favorite lines in cinema: "There's only two things I hate in this world. People who are intolerant of other people's cultures and the Dutch."

I think we've evolved to a point in culture where the lines between camp, irony and legitimacy are quite blurred. Five years ago we would have made fun of Sonny and Cher, now we'll gladly put them on as the perfect background music for a summer mocktail party.

How many people out there are nurses or medical assistants? Probably 70% of you. Wouldn't it be nice to have a spare scrubs top? Also works as a pajama top as if you didn't know that. Scrubs may have been pajamas first. Eventually doctors decided they'd rather do surgery right after they rolled out of bed. Anyway, scrubs tops are comfy.

Keep tuned in to the blog. When I say go -- come running over here to claim your gift.

Oh, and I nearly forgot. I'll keep track of who gets what, so if you'd like to exchange your gift with someone else, that will be possible. Sort of a white elephant type thing where you don't need to bring a white elephant yourself.