i oughtta be in pictures

In case anyone was wondering how Rhett's birthday party went, here it is:

Yeah, our get-togethers probably won't be as depraved as they used to be since we moved into this fancy-schmancy house.

A few days ago I actually saw an Arab LITERALLY controlling the gas prices at the gas station down the road. I cried (because I was really tired at the time).
In a strange twist of hope I witnessed a Toyota Prius pass me in the carpool lane a few minutes later. I cried again (because I was adjusting to my new eye drops).

Maria and I officially went out a couple of weekends ago and I got a picture of it. It's as official as I get anyway. She won the "Win Jon Asking You Out" prize on The Abel Hour. It was an awesome excuse to go to Ottavio's. Speaking of The Abel Hour, please please please please listen. We probably only have a couple of weeks left.
Lagoon happened again. It was so adequate I could barely believe it. We were able to go on everything we wanted to, unlike last year. Last year may have been a bit more exuberant, however. Oh well. The Spider is the way to go. We rode it twice pretty hard.

music for the miniscule masses

I was pretty depressed for no reason at all today. Sometimes I get that way when something is wrong, but I don't know what it is yet. I realized the problem when I checked my email. MODified Music, my favorite music store is going out of business. The owner sends out an email every week and the one he sent today dropped the bomb. Now I feel really guilty about taking all my used cds into Greywhale a couple of weeks ago. Anyway, it's very unfortunate because MODified specializes in 80s alternative, techno, industrial, goth -- you know, the stuff I listen to when YOU'RE not around. The bonus is that they are now selling their stock of music AT COST. If you want to pick something up, the store is located right next to the Pie.

In brighter news, while I was in Provo today, I noticed that KOHS is back on the air! KOHS is Orem High School's station and they are the awesomest station down there. It's a double bonus, because not only do they play commercial-free fairly decent music, but it's totally obvious that the djs receive absolutely NO on-air training. Yeah, the loss of KOHS is always the most depressing thing about summer and autumn's coolest redemption.

rhettacular rhettacular

Today is my super good friend Rhett's birthday! To commemorate the occasion I'm cutting, pasting and editing that song from The Simpsons that Bart and that one guy who thought he was Michael Jackson sang to Lisa for her birthday:

Rhe-ett, it's your birthday. God bless you this day. You gave me the gift of a little sister, and I'm proud of you today. Rhe-ett, it's your birthday. Happy birthday, Rhe-ett. Rhe-ett, it's your birthday. Happy birthday, Rhe-ett. I wish you love and good will. I wish you peace and joy. I wish you better than your heart desires, and your first kiss from a boy. Rhe-ett, it's your birthday. Happy birthday, Rhe-ett. Rhe-ett, it's your birthday. Happy birthday, Rhe-ett. Yeah!

So, not all of that made sense... especially since Rhett has already kissed a boy.

Rhett and I aren't really that similar on the surface, but after you get to know us it's actually scary how much we're the same. It's one of those things where something will happen and one of us will respond to a question the other had without him actually asking it and then the other one answering the train of thought the other had a half hour later.

It's one of those things where ten years from now I'll be on a secret mission to save the world and I'm running through the streets of London or Istanbul or something with this totally hot girl who gets mixed up in everything and then the evil mastermind finally corners us and he steps out of the shadows to monologue a little and... and... IT'S HIM! IT'S RHETT!

(kind of like Goldeneye or Sneakers)

He'll say something like, "So it's come to this. It could have been so different, Jon. You could have joined me. You could have had the world serve you instead of you serving the world. We were never that different, you and I. I always figured you'd be at my side in my moment of triumph."

After that he'll motion to his henchman to get into position so that we don't escape, and I'll know I'll have to think fast. He goes on, "Tis a pity. Now you'll be no better off than all the other poor fools who've tried to stop me."

At that moment he will turn to his henchman and cross his thumb twice over his throat making a "shk shk" sound as he does so. Instantly, I'll push the barrel containing a homeless kerosene fire toward him while at the same time flipping the lit piece of wood sticking off the edge of it behind me, making sure to duck and push the hot girl's body beneath my own, so as not to be hit by the fiery piece of timber. As the kerosene fire engulfs part of Rhett, the torch will hit the henchman in the face as he lets out a Wilhelm scream. I'll grab the beautiful girl by the wrist and Rhett will douse himself quickly and re-compose himself brandishing his sleek pearl-handled pistol. We'll be halfway down the other end of the alley weaving between boxes by the time he fires his fourth shot.

"You may have gotten away, but it's too late for everyone else," he'll say as he cackles.

As we round the corner and duck into an opium den, the beautiful girl will grab my face with both hands yell, "There's no time! Who is he?! What are we up against?!"

We'll be huddled together out to hide and out of fear and while our bodies are heaving in unison from shortness of breath caused by running and adrenaline I'd loudly whisper, "It can't be... It... can't... be... It's HIM! He knows me too well! Whatever we do, HE'LL ALWAYS BE ONE STEP AHEAD!"

Yeah, that's pretty much where I see us ten years from now. Of course since he's the one who loves Independence Day and also gravitates toward hundreds of beautiful women... the roles will probably be reversed.

Anyway, we're having cake and stuff at our new house in Salt Lake. Come by. Wish Rhett happy birthday.

week end, weak now

The week started with my learning of my Grandmother's passing. You could probably tell from the last post that she hasn't been quite as vivacious as she used to be. She turned 95 in March, so she has the excuse.

The middle of the week consisted of doing lots of moving. I have way too much stuff. I hate being the last one out of a house. It's like being at a restaurant with friends and everybody leaves with their take-home boxes, but you still have to bus the table and do the dishes. Unfortunately I'm wicked nostalgic so, throwing stuff out is out of the question. Everyone who helped out was very patient. I promise to be patient with you next time I weasel out of helping you move. Everything's in now though. Please come by and arrange stuff for us. We may be a little tighter with room this time.

Work blows. I can't complain. I really do like my job, since part of my time there is devoted to doing my radio show. Doing other people's radio shows can be lameus magnus. We began doing two more this week. That means that somehow I need to engineer and edit sounds for these people in between no time at all because I have to sit there and listen to them talk all day. By Friday afternoon I had a pretty pounding headache as a result of moving, work and a change of sleeping habits. Maybe I also didn't eat too well. That tends to happen quite often.

Grandma's funeral was today. It's nice to have it on a Saturday, but I would have loved to skip a day of work for the occasion. With all the other things going on, I didn't think I'd have time to be emotional. We've kind of been planning on Grandma moving on with her existence for some time now anyway. I also really don't like looking at dead people, even when I know them well. I lost it when my brother Andy gave his tribute, though. He read what we all said about her and she deserved the accolades. We should have scheduled things differently, because right after that my brothers and I had to sing and we were all pitifully teary.

I'm now trapped in Provo with family until late tonight or maybe tomorrow. I need to keep getting moved in, but the funeral's over and it's really nice to relax. Tonight the midnight movie at the Tower is Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan. Everyone knows it's my seventh favorite movie. It's pretty fitting for today. It's about overcoming age and exhaustion. It's also about loyalty and sacrifice. I've said this all before people. If you can get to the Tower Theatre tonight by midnight, watch the movie. Allow me to quote Admiral Kirk's words about my grandmother:

We are gathered here today to pay final respects to our honored dead. But it should be noted that this death takes place in the shadow of new life, the sunrise of a new world; a world that our beloved comrade gave her life to protect and nourish. She did not feel this sacrifice a vain or empty one, and we will not debate her profound wisdom at these proceedings. Of my friend, I can only say this: of all the souls I have encountered in my travels, hers was the most... human.

I found out that 20 years ago she provided me and the rest of the grandkids with a pretty nice inheritance. Nice. I hope I'm that nice when I'm 75 (or even 95).