Saturday, May 22, 2010

sense us, the "working"

Life over the past few days have been especially hilariouser than usual. I say that as someone who is getting more and more like Cosmo Kramer every day.

Anyway, I'm taking another stab at working for money -- hence the hilarity. This time it's a temporary stint with the United States Census. I guess temporary is obvious. It's not like there's a 2011 census. Although who's the head of the census? I bet it's the cushiest job ever! Don't do anything for ten years and then count to 300 million.

Haven't done any work yet. Totally could've but they're insistent on a pretty unnecessary five-day training program. Very cool since the training program itself pays. It's a freebie (five days of freeb).

The point is, the first day of HR sexual harassment videos are definitely the best sexual harassment training videos I've ever seen. It's a total faux pas to laugh during the harassment training videos, but it was really really hard not to this time.

Speaking of HR, why do we make a point of pointing out that it's HUMAN resources? Are there more resources for non-humans? I've never heard of robot resources. Are the robots mad? Do robots get mad? Do we program robots not to get mad because they have nowhere to go in the workplace when they're harassed?

And what's up with that paragraph about this employer being an "equal opportunity employer" like they're all so super special for it? Has anyone in the past 30 years worked for an inequal opportunity employer? Why do they have to point it out so often? Is anybody seriously on the edge of their seat waiting for that announcement?

If I call you I have to stick to the script. They're SUPER strict about that. If I go off script they talk about "termination." I don't know if that means a firing or a firing squad, so don't be surprised if I pretend I don't know you.


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