Sunday, December 31, 2017

Movies: 2017

Hey hey hey, it's my annual Sisyphean movie post effort! Make sure you read every word instead of scanning just the movies you've already seen. My sponsors won't pay me unless people read every word.

Top 77 Movies of 2017!

So here are all the  2017 releases (according to Letterboxd.com (and sometimes Rotten Tomatoes when it suits me)) I saw between January 1st 2017 and December 31st). There are gonna be a few prestige pictures that are just coming out that are technically 2017 releases, but since I won't be able to see them before the year ends, they'll have to go into next year's list in a weird little 2017 supplement. Some of these aren't movies, but special events that only took place in 2017 (like the 48 Hour Film Project, etc.). Quite a few of these are 2017 releases that I didn't see in the theater, but were popular on streaming services (bad omens for the future of cinema, but oh well). Weird year. I really really liked around the top 35 of these, but I had a really difficult time ranking between them. Also, even though there's a lot of like, I think I generally have a bigger number of minor criticisms. Usually number 1 is obvious, but this time around it could have gone anywhere, really.

77. Red Christmas
Thought I was walking into a cheesy film from 30 years ago, but it’s just a cheesy film from todayish. Nobody will walk into it 30 years from now. In case you're wondering, this movie makes my list for one of the worst movies ever made about a botched abortion. Perhaps it's not fair I saw it at all. I needed to see 10 movies in October at Tower Theatre in order to get a T-shirt.

76. The Babysitter
Everyone needed to die before they started talking. But they talk a lot and they're awfully sure of themselves. The movie acts like I act when people ignore my jokes so I just say them louder in order to get recognition.

75. The Circle
Emma Watson is a great actor. Why does she seem to be delivering so many dubbed lines that sound like she's reading them for the first time? The story is a super scary tale about losing privacy through the internet that we all already believe and are way resigned to by now. I have a hard time believing the blind enthusiasm of this crazy corporation's meetings, but then again they remind me of the gatherings within my own big round corporate work building, so yeah, whatever. Kind of refreshing that the villains don't really have THAT nefarious an agenda, but then again, we're denied knowing what they're hiding, so what's the fun in that? Dull.

74. Before I Fall
This is one of TWO movies this year about a vapid high school girl caught in a Groundhog Day-like loop. "Hey. Sociopath at twelve o'clock!" I'm sure there are girls that talk like this IRL, but lines like this should be removed from movies. Seems especially phony (even if the characters are phonies themselves). The script could use a lot more naturalism rather than Mean Girl 101-speak. This is especially troublesome with the blatant Groundhog Day plot, where the unnaturalism is repeated over and over. Zoey Deutsch is the one in the loop. I'm a bit annoyed that she chooses to wear the same dress on the fateful repeated day. I'm sure the director may say it's a representation of the monotony, but I think we all know it was just for efficiency in the shooting schedule. There's one corny romantic line about striving to become the hero to a hero. Corny, but I like it. Afterward though, we get back to the main idea, which is "hey, maybe, like, let's be nice, mkay maybe?" Seen at Sundance. Thinking about it a while after I saw it, it's a pretty fun hate-watch.

73. Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets
Felt more like TWO thousand planets. Because it's so long. I'll work on that one. Good job on Luc Besson for casting such stiff cardboard-like leads in order to make all the CG characters more lifelike. Dane Dehaan and Cara Delevingne talk like the two a-holes played by Jason Sudeikis and Kristen Wiig on SNL. If you ever have a chance to see this, it's like 50 hours long, but there's a 5-minute sequence when Rihanna does a sort of shape-changing dance that's pretty magical, actually.

72. The Lovers
Didn't actually see this. Bought a ticket so I could get validated for the covered parking.

71. Tell Them We Are Rising: The Story of Black Colleges and Universities
Bit too much Ken Burns-y especially toward the beginning. A bit of that is expected since so much is from the 19th century with not as much available footage. Constant voice overs and talking heads over incessant music makes my mind wander, though. As this was a Sundance movie, there was a good talk with the director afterward. Unfortunately, both the movie and the talk didn't really address the pros and cons of black colleges fading in favor of more integration across all colleges in the present day. I had the chance to pose this question to the filmmaker himself, but being the whitest person to ever be born on this planet, I abstained.

70. Their Finest
One of THREE (!) movies this year about the Dunkirk thing in World War II. This aspect of the Dunkirk story involves the propaganda used to get the British subjects onboard. There's a point where characters exuberantly outline the plot points of the film within a film. I doubt very much the same meeting occurred in the real world regarding this movie. Crammed in humorous one-liners and especially incessant symphonic music throughout really wipe the picture with unwelcome Hollywood polish. Still, delightful movie-making process mixed with delightful musings on what a film's purpose is. Is that main guy Finnick? Job well done. Bill Nighy as well. We could all hope to be as adorably self-assured someday.

69. The Comedian
Captures a bit of the high of live comedy, but mostly captures the cringiness when it's not welcome in the 23 other hours of the day. By the way, this is a 2016 release according to Letterboxd, but a 2017 release according to Rotten Tomatoes. I'm pretty much just adding that for myself in case I confuse myself when I check my records years from now. Also, I saw this at the beginning of the year and pretty much remember nothing about it, so I'm padding out this capsule.

68. Win It All
Not sure it's possible to ever take Jake Johnson seriously -- even when he's surprisingly emotive. Technically this is a straight-up comedy, but still, characters' lapses into lightness are out of place and awkward. Joe Lo Truglio is a treasure.

67. War Machine
Not really a movie, but an acquisition of Brad Pitt and Topher Grace and a bunch of other talent by Netflix to help legitimize the company as a major player in cinema game, even though it doesn't go to the cinema and everyone just streams it at home while they do laundry. Definitely feels like a straight to Netflix movie.

66. LBJ
2017 was a super big year for historical docudramas. We even get this thing about Lyndon Johnson. Apparently it's pretty hard to act past all that makeup and music. With all the artifice, I wonder what the  point or passion was to begin with.

65. Victoria & Abdul
Pearl Clutching Colon The Movie. Stiff Brits say "Oh my!" amidst this cute platonic tale about stiff western royalty learning something from eastern... friendliness I guess? Weird taste in my mouth about this one. The message seems to be to open your mind to other cultures, but the story to illustrate that also turns a blind eye to larger social injustices of the time. The movie acknowledges this, but brushes aside the character that voices it. I'm not sure the simple message of acceptance is able to regain its footing. Instead we get a sour taste of naivete.

64. The Square
Elisabeth Moss brings welcome levity to a meandering non-story as a sweetly unaware nag of sorts. Unfortunately, she's not as essential to the film as expected. The film’s point remains ungrasped by me -- or at least I don’t feel much for pushing mere discomfort in place of an actual message of social change.

63. Thank You for Your Service
It's rough out there for our vets and we get cold anecdote after cold anecdote in this one. Well at least they get to play with those night vision goggles, I guess. The film is kind of like reading a cardboard sharpie "help me" sign by the side of the road (except someone else wrote the sign, because asking for help would be undignified).

62. Justice League
First half seems like a bunch of superhero vignettes far more fun than the usual DC fare, but also hardly meaningfully connected to each other -- almost like a series of webisodes. Once the heroes are finally together, the poor actors are forced into an awkward and unearned false camaraderie. Poor Ezra Miller is supposedly the comic relief but his “wacky” lines must have been written by committee (a committee composed entirely of dudes who need to wear ties to their usual jobs). Before going in I knew Superman would likely show up again. I thought it might be toward the very end. Actually pleasantly surprised that a big bulk of the movie (seriously!) consists of grave robbing and mad science to force the resurrection along. As tickled as I am about it, I still maintain the most interesting elements are of Bruce Wayne and company musing about the sorry state of the world of men. Somehow finding human determinism in the absence of a god-superhero would have been more interesting than dealing with Zombie Kal-El. At the very least, the movie could’ve shown a spinning Daily Planet with the headline “Superman Resurrected!” It would be great to see how the paper would explain the semi-obscure sidebar from the same day that says “The Daily Planet also enthusiastically welcomes the coincidental resurrection of one of our very own, Clark Kent.”

61. Kong: Skull Island
Too much Creedence. I prefer to live without any more CCR needle drops. Also, there was a tense part where Brie Larsen yells "STOP!" to everybody and they all silence and look at her. I thought FOR SURE that's when she was gonna say "I'm pregnant" and I thought NOW we got a movie! Unfortunately, that's not how it pans out. Sorry. I guess the fact that I daydreamed this scenario during the movie is a sign that King Kong as a story captured magic in the early days of cinema. This is at least the fourth reboot. Perhaps it's time to acknowledge this story just isn't meant to go on forever. It's meant to remain timeless from long ago.

60. The Glass Castle
Pretty weird at first, but then I realized I had mistakenly walked into The Glasshole. Thought I figured it out, but the next screening I walked into was to The Ass Castle. What weird part of town do I live in, anyway? Okay okay sorry. Anyway here's the second Brie Larson movie in a row! Hey, what is up with all that unappetizing forgiveness? Jeannette Walls must have come to terms with A LOT of stuff between book publication and movie. Loved the book, btw. But this isn't just about the book being a better. I'm all for forgiveness and dropping the weight of toxic relationships, but the movie actually crosses the line into building monuments to monsters. Also, I'm suuuuuuper sick of Woody Harrelson's loud underbite drawl.

59. 48 Hour Film Festival Results 2017
Didn't win. Again.

58. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2
First thing out of the way, this may not be a popular opinion, but I hate Baby Groot's toddler-dance choreography. This movie is an improvement on the original. I believe in the chemistry of the Guardians just a touch now where I didn't before -- even though we need to wallow through Bautista's unfunny roar and Zaldana's wet blanket "I can't believe we're talking about this when we should be fighting the monster" lines. Let's get real, though. The movie loses two stars for only having one good song ("The Chain") on the entire so-called Awesome Mix Vol. 2. I admit it's not much my scene or era, but the rest of the mix sounds like Cat Stevens wannabes (and also one sub-par Cat Stevens song). Stay for the credits because that's when the Cheap Trick and Parliament finally pipe in. Oh, and I like the concept of a society based on snooty arcade game players -- that part is pretty silly-rad.

57. The Little Hours
Humble little picture saved by big stars. I certainly laughed the first time Aubrey Plaza and Kate Micucci anachronistically berate a poor farmhand with femtacular f-words. The weird modern vibe is only held together by the entire cast (which are all recognizable funnypeople) and not any spectacular filmmaking methods. Apparently they filmed in Italy and not Liberty Park (which is what it looks like). Not uproarious, but I respect there is a LITTLE bit more care to the subject matter than perhaps the perceived filmmakers' obligation requires.

56. The Fate of the Furious
Way down down down on this until the New York "Maximum Overdrive/Zombie Carmageddon" sequence. Unfortunately there's an hour of dullness before it, and an arctic sequence after it moves like a glacier. Charlize Theron is very embarrassed to be there. New white guy Paul Walker replacement is whinier and less charismatic than '77 Mark Hamill. Hey, why bring in a new white boy now? They could have had an entire cast of color and nobody would have made a big deal of it. Could have been subtly subversive. Alas...

55. Murder on the Orient Express
Too much of a Belch accent from Kenneth Branagh. Actually, this one wasn't too well received in general. I think people didn't connect with some of the unnecessary camera angles or silly exaggerated acting, but my problem may be with the story itself. This is the first time I've been exposed to this particular mystery. Perhaps if I received it in a better-executed way I'd feel different, but I'm fairly certain the ultimate resolution is something I simply hate and find uninteresting and sort of cop-outy.

54. Deidra & Laney Rob a Train
Standard fun "normal people try petty crime while avoiding the stuffed shirt villain." I like the characters and I like the jokes, but the comic timing is just ever so slightly off. Perhaps it would be funnier if it didn't wait for its own jokes to land. And a shorter movie by five minutes is almost always a good thing.

53. Girls Trip
Just marveling at the size difference between Jada Pinkett Smith and Queen Latifah held my interest for the entirety of the film. I don't mind Tiffany Haddish, which is nice, because I'm sure we'll see a lot of her in the next five years or so.

52. Wind River
I guess the whole POINT is that the setting is dull and repetitive and crazy-inducing, so I guess I can't BLAME the movie for being pretty boring for the first third. Probably would prefer the POV to be a little bit more Scarlett Witch (Elizabeth Olsen) and a little less Hawkeye (Jeremy Renner), but that's just me. See this one if you're in a good mood and could use a downer. Also, probably a good movie to see in the middle of summer because there's so much snow 'n stuff.

51. Brigsby Bear
Quirky with very few jokes. Very sad, but sad on purpose? Maybe? Obviously I'm not sure I latched onto the intended tone. Part of me respects that, but another part of me feels they did this thing where they sort of tried to make it funny, but then pull the rug out from the audience and imply we're wrong to laugh at all. I kind of hate when they do that. Perhaps they didn't and I'm projecting. BUT, just the fact that it's Kyle Mooney in here pretty much implies comedy. Sorry Mooney, but if you wanna make a drama, you do have that albatross. A shame perhaps. Hey, quick story. I went and saw a movie at the Tower last year and I saw Kyle Mooney just sitting there in the audience. I chatted him up wondering what on earth he's doing at the Tower Theatre in SLC. Turns out he was making this movie, or in pre-production or something. He did NOT want to talk to me, I could tell. Flashforward to Sundance 2017. I see him walking on the sidewalk and I go "Hey Mooney! Good to see you again!" and he's like, super-pumped and he says "Hey man! You too!" He did NOT remember me, BUT it just goes to show how moods change once your movie is finally made.

50. Happy Death Day
Hey, here's the OTHER Groundhog Day clone. Way funner than Before I Fall and doesn't take itself nearly as seriously. The other one is a hate-watch, but this is more of a camp-watch. HOWEVER: look, if I were constantly waking up in a stranger’s dorm bed over and over again, I’d DEFINITELY shower more.

49. 78/52
This documentary is a bit more down to earth than Room 237, but kind of the same concept. The premise is that it's examining with opinion JUST the shower scene of Psycho. Thankfully it doesn't live up to its premise as most of the interesting stuff is the examination of other scenes in the movie (albeit contextual). Obviously some of the interviews are better than others. Some come to very reaching and very boring (unlike Room 237) conclusions. Would have enjoyed a bit of interview curation. Elijah Wood and buddies are a highlight with a great combination of wide-eyed wonder and intellectual observance.

48. War for the Planet of the Apes
Lemme get this straight. The apes' BIG plan to get out of the cage was to throw feces at the guy with the keys until he, alone, got mad enough to LOCK HIMSELF in with ALL THE APES. Once that happened, rather than rushing him, the apes CONTINUE to throw feces at him in order to position him DIRECTLY OVER one of the tunnels where ONLY ONE unseen ape grabbed him. Absurd. ZERO STARS. Just kidding. Four stars. Out of six. Could use a better title. This one is the smallest in scale of the Apes movies. We can't just throw the word "war" around willy-nilly. Well, maybe IRL, but not in movies.

47. Logan
Slightly different perspective on one of my favorite fictional universes, but I'm the victim of mistaken expectations. Somehow I was under the impression beforehand that the violence would be brutal, yet somewhat illuminating. Turns out it's brutal only. "I hurt some people." "All the same." In the end there are more splashes of blood, but the enthusiasm of seeing sadistic villains suffer is still the same as before. The R-rating could have gone more interesting places in violence examination and criticism. P.S. Why haven't I been calling him Hugh Jassman this whole time?

46. Ingrid Goes West
Certainly captures the thrill and addiction associated with positive people pings from social media. Never do people seem more permanently in 8th grade than here, and nearly believably so. Nearly, but not quite. The characters are stretched just a little too extreme. Not unbelievable as individual characters, but actually unbelievable in that such extreme characters couldn't possibly exist in such proximity to each other. O'shea Jackson solidifies his presence here though. Turns out he's more than just a guy who looks like his famous rapper dad. He's very missed in every scene he's absent. Quick character moment I like: O'shea isn't just a big Batman fan, but his favorite is Batman Forever. I find this especially humorous and especially sincere -- especially with O'shea Jackson's sincerity.

45. The Founder
Really picks up a few minutes in when we meet Nick Offerman and John Carrol Lynch who play loving brothers Grumpy McDonald and Happy McDonald, respectively. The middle is lots and lots of agitated Laura Dern with her head disappointingly cocked askew. Could do with a little less family drama (strangely no kids in any family relationships in a movie about McDonald's) and more of an emphasis on the conflict between two major themes of the American dream: honest hard work and beating the other guy at all costs. Obviously the second one always wins, but only because the first one doesn't see a need to play such a terrible game. If only the middling middle played this up as much as the film's conclusion. P.S. Still haven't eaten McDonald's in like a decade, but I knew 15 minutes in that I needed a burger and fries immediately. I'm nothing if not American.

44. I Am Not Your Negro
Yet another reminder of my title as the whitest person to ever exist on Earth. In my ignorance this is my intro to James Baldwin. A pleasure to hear, but may need a few more tries to fully grasp most of the philosophical eloquencies.

43. Casting JonBenet
So this bleakness is what truth is now -- the collective perspective of the masses. We're not all experts, but maybe if we talk things through enough, truth will somehow bubble up. I like this, though. The subjects (I guess that's what we call them) are human, emotional and invested and are treated with complete respect. Before the movie I was completely unaware of the Jonbenet stuff, but this is a fascinating way to hear the story. The process of acting is tied together with the process of discovering the truth (or delivering the falsehoods).

42. 48 Hour Film Festival 2017
Perhaps I shouldn't include these every year. I don't know where else to talk about them, though. This year our submission probably suffers from a bit of overstory. When you only make a five-minute film, it's probably best not to have several concepts that need to be explained. Also, I know another complaint is a scattered amount of tone changes from scene to scene. A valid complaint, but at the same time, something I personally appreciate in this particular case. It's to my liking, but unfortunately I can't intellectually defend it. Just feels good to me. Alas, that problem is my favorite thing amidst other problems. Fun to act again. Usually I don't get to do much of it. Next year I may demand to sit in the editing chair the entire time just to get a good base when the clock starts running out. I don't remember any of the other entries. I'm just happy they also suffered.

41. Death Note
Be careful or be Death Note! Heard a lot of shade regarding this one and its sloppy pacing, but I rather enjoy this ride. A good straddle between taking itself seriously and not. Mix me in a lot of bad teenage decisions based on the eyes of a pretty girl, and I'm totally in. It's like a good afternoon serial, which is how I enjoyed it -- in pajamas on Netflix.

40. Faces Places
Great faces. Great places. This digestible documentary follows a crew traveling France, printing giant photos of local inhabitants onto large objects. The film displays a valid genuineness with all the people they meet, but the banter of filmmakers Agnes Varda and JR feels too manufactured. I like dismissing such a sacred icon like Varda, but a shift of emphasis to the newfound subjects would have been welcome.

39. World of Tomorrow Episode Two: The Burden of Other People’s Thoughts
Abrupt in ending and in total. Feel a bit more Emily Prime than Emily 6 in terms of grasping the story's consequences. Hertzfeldt is again very amazing at concocting an animated piece that pulls your heart into it without realizing if it's the ultimate sadness or happiness or something new entirely. Not up for debate is how Emily Prime is the cutest character of this decade. This one's only 22 minutes and I have it rented from Vimeo for a week. Let me know if you'd like to see it and maybe you can just log in as me.

38. Mr. Roosevelt
Whiplashingly both charming and frustrating. Wondering if Noël Welles has had a rough life since SNL. Welles needs a lot of credit for supplying a lot of energy to what could have been an easy mumblecore exercise. Still, the manic-ness is a bit tiring to view and it's always a bit tricky to make the main character the one with all the flaws. It's painting into a corner between resentment and relatability.

37. It Comes at Night
Like Krisha, a palpable look at the extra weight of discomfort in a lousy situation. If only society lasted long enough to trust each other. And help each other. Somehow, Trey Edward Shultz previous movie about an unremarkable Thanksgiving provides more scares than this straight-up horror. Perhaps the devils we know are the real scary ones. Well anyway, he's better at illustrating such a thing. Great great great forbidden hallway vibes, though.

36. The Disaster Artist
Oh hi James. Do think it good idea make movie about danger relationship and not reveal anything about one of person in relationship?

The best part is the end when they compare actual scenes from The Room with the same scenes the crew shot in this movie. Unfortunately, here's a case of the best only able to equal the charm of the source material without being able to supercede it by definition. James Franco's impersonation of the actual man goes out of the way to steer clear of any type of insight into what I'm guessing is an interesting character. It's up to the Dave Franco character to supply emotion and substance, but the one-sidedness of relationship flails rather than stabilizes.

35. It
1989 is SO the new 2017. Effective enough. Smart to devote such effort into characters (or at least characters' tics) so we can tell them apart -- even if there are way too many. Pretty King-move out of On Writing. If I remember right, Stephen King doesn't actually care much about plot so much as he cares about characters' true actions once they're created and alive. Don't cram characters into a plot. Let the characters tell the story. Anyway, I find it unfortunate that It itself as a character is especially chained to the plot. With It's powers, and eventual emotion, I don't believe It's actions by the end when they result in a such a favorable group-power setting (and the perfect kid group 80s throwback for us). Wiser, though, It sets up a few parallel sequences that match up the plot toward the end. Perhaps plot does trump character, at least in King cinema and not books.

Terrible nit picks:
1. Adam Driver-esque bully went to too much Bully Posing School.

2. Even if it's a small town in 1989 Maine, there's no way that every kid has a bicycle from the 40s rather than a BMX.

3. Shut up librarian! You've said enough with "It's summer, you should be out playing." No need to tack on the very unnecessary "Don't you have any friends?"

34. Logan Lucky
Can't believe they rebooted the Logan franchise just a few short months after the first Logan movie. Personally, I could have done without the drawling slowtalking. Perhaps I'm being ignorantly generous, but I'm willing to bet that actual hillbilly rednecks are able to present themselves more intelligently. Still, the simple demographics of this one make it much better than any of the Ocean's movies. Finally, some people who actually need money. I'm real sick of heist movies where the actual budget of the heist is in the millions of dollars in the first place. What a breath of fresh air to see a heist on a shoestring budget. That's the way it should be.

33. Okja
This Bong guy seems to do well adding whimsy to unwinnable situations. All parties have a point and the movie has a very cynical viewpoint regarding any sort of world solution. Fortunately, there's a believable emphasis on changing individual lives rather than societies amidst the complexity.

32. Wonder Wheel
Winslet brings the Blanchett. Despite the problematics IRL, I don’t get tired of the usual Woody Allen ethics dilemmas, even when we’ve seen the same ones a bunch over the last 50 years. Still, maybe one film every two years would help iron out such needed line reworkings such as “I’m consumed with jealousy over you.” Not sure how relatable such despicable characters are to most people but if you can't relate to the these flawed characters in the slightest bit, I envy you.

31. Gerald's Game
Nice to know that if ever handcuffed with no means to escape, at least losing your mind helps stave off the boredom. The well-composed in-room brain cameos carry what would be a boring story of accidental imprisonment toward something fluid and unexpected. A bit like 127 Hours, but the technique brings the brain activity further into the real world.

30. Too Funny to Fail: The Life and Death of The Dana Carvey Show
Here's a documentary about a TV show I wasn't aware of (featuring first screen appearances from Steve Carrell and Stephen Colbert). Exhilaratingly sad. Especially love the anecdote of only ten pieces of fanmail with one of them from Carell’s Mom with a phony name. Pitfalls of creativity on tragic display. It’s hard to make people happy. Especially when that’s all you wanna do.

29. The Beguiled
There's all that sexual tension in the house, but I would think it would be alleviated by the girls carting poop out of Colin Farrell's room all the time. They must have made that nerdy turtle girl handle all the poop stuff.

Not totally sure where Sophia Coppella's going with this. Perhaps a commentary on how sharp a turn it is from a woman's perspective when a man goes from gentleman to psycho douchebag. Kind of a lady boner killer (or its accurate biological equivalent).

28. Spider-Man: Homecoming
Third time's the charm... ish! I can really appreciate a strict return to high school, but most of the action scenes have the darkness/closeness/editing problem. At at least three different events, I had no idea what major thing was supposed to be happening. The two gems: the home movie at the beginning and our hero helpless in the skyscraperless suburbs. Also: Chris Evans' best work since Sunshine.

27. Wonder Woman
Is it weird I fell way more in love with Chris Pine than Gal Gadot? The duke in distress really fits (but with an ample amount of idealistic (yet panicked) independence). Also what's up with him and motorcycles? Diana a bit Leeloo especially at the beginning, but enjoyed the Splash shopping sequence. Would have appreciated a false villain as implied 2/3 through. Could have given Pine's speech a lot more meaning and an abrupt ending probably would have contributed even more positive conversation by subverting the superhero villain concept.

26. Alien: Covenant
When Alien movies are done well, the quiet parts are the most scary. I think it happens again here and it's much appreciated. Interesting, though, that we get a return to the Prometheus universe more than the Alien one. In Covenant the metaphors of gods/parents being replaced/murdered by their children adds deeper levels in terms of artificial offspring, mixing in with the already dizzying complexities of biological life. Whether we have kids the old-fashioned way, mix them in a lab, or build them in a workshop, we never really know if we get Cain or Abel do we? ALSO, Fassbender on Fassbender action is always hot.

25. Blade Runner 2049
I really appreciate the idea of making sequels that take decades rather than months (See also T2 Trainspotting). Gives time to form some dwelling and weight to the themes and ideas. The look and sound of the blade running world is exhilarating, but I can’t help but feel that whatever themes of relationships, identity, consciousness, memories, etc. are somehow lost on us because they’re locked in the characters and vision onscreen. I like this brand of sequel, but the inevitable side effect is being beholden and derivative of the original by definition. We do get the uniquest love scene I’ve ever seen. Of course maybe in the next 30 years we’ll argue the sentience level of the character of Joi.

24. Colossal
Anne Hathaway's inadvertent control of Kaiju monsters a half world away is an intriguing way to inject high stakes into a low-key setting. Perhaps such stakes are a good illustration of why people stay in co-dependent relationships? Sudeikis is pretty great at making me hate and fear him while still getting in some chuckling one-liners.

23. The Meyerowitz Stories (New and Selected)
I may be a sucker for these sort of family dramadies. The first hour just sets up some quirky family members squabbling and associating. The next bit is just a confusion of love and frustration peeking past the surface. Somehow I tend to be easily suckered in and when the words come out it seems very close to my own family despite my family having next to nothing in common with the screen family. Maybe I’m easily duped or perhaps Baumbach weaves a string of subtleties so well that I’m drawn in without realizing.

22. Thor: Ragnarok
Good ‘n funny with a brilliant lasery soundtrack. Buuuuuuuut, I’m not sure the humor works all that well in the context of like a million people dying. The tone seems to slightly aim for the balancing act achieved by my favorite movie ever, Flash Gordon. The thing that works with FG is the lack of awareness by the characters that they’re in a rollicking galactic comedy. Ragnorak’s jokes have the unfortunate context of a much more serious MCU. For that reason it’s a shame this story isn’t a complete one-off. Would be far more believable in a completely fresh universe.

Hey how’s this for an idea? What if instead of the characters saying funny jokes, all the humor comes from just physical stuff (i.e. people falling from high places and landing on their faces)? That’d be sweet.

 Mark Mothersbaugh makes me really really want to dust off GarageBand.

21. John Wick: Chapter 2
This sucker's got the expected assortment of rapid fire body/head point-blank bullet combos, which are simultaneously exciting and stress-inducing. A bit of respect for making the hero the boogeyman. Leaves me identifying mostly with the poor sap minions with their kneecaps blown off hoping to crawl for safety before Wick gets back around 30 seconds later for the coup-de-gras. Must be all silly minions' first day on the job. They're only REALLY good at cutting around corners into slaughter. Also very smart of the filmmakers to continue to emphasize this crazy side world of criminals with an alternate economy and quirky industries. This deepens a bit here with the implication that this side world isn't limited to an exclusive underground, but that EVERYONE is a part of a horrifying cruel system. Our day jobs and surface lives are just fronts for our true value -- shooting minions in the head.

P.S. -- if someone's name is "John," they shouldn't be called "Jonathan" in formal settings. Trust me. They're two totally different names.

20. The Breadwinner
Even though this takes place in Taliban-controlled 1990-something Afghanistan, this animated movie starts as something adorable to be put up with. As the movie progresses, the emotive care of the animation becomes more and more noticeable. By the end we’re treated to a series of white-knuckle events perfectly cross-cut with each other. Bonus points for the bratty pimply-faced teen Taliban soldier. Come-upance isn’t required, but the desire for it proves audience investment.

19. Band Aid
Sing Street has happysad this one has happymad. Moves from a higher concept premise to pop psychology men from Mars and women from Venus by the end. By that time, though, the emotional investment is there (and addicting).

18. Lady Bird
Not as positive on this perhaps I should be, but we've seen very similar before. The know-it-all female high schooler oblivious to a supportive populace and city would be far more tired if Soairse Ronan didn't put her whole weight into the performance and didn't look back. Also Greta Gerwig's direction is almost frustratingly assured. An added bonus that I think I only picked up on subconsciously (but was later pointed out to me) is the attention character in everybody else and not just the main girl. They have lives of their own and don't exist just to react to the firecracker of a main character. The biggest unfortunatuality (I'm wording that) is that I don't care for Dave Matthews Band much.

17. The Trip to Spain
Needs a little more small man in a box and a little less Moore. Actually, I love the Roger Moore stuff. Please cheer up Coogan! Not sure what else to say. I mean, this is the third movie in the series and I want to see more and I don't want them to change anything. Keep the impersonations. Keep the insults. Keep the awkwardness of those caught in conversation with Steve Coogan and Rob Brydon. If they do another one they could potentially drastically change the story based on how this one turns out. Could still be great. Impersonations to survive, maybe?

16. Dunkirk
The bizarre three-tiered time reckoning and watch-ticky/heart-beaty soundtrack sure Inceptioned the hell out of this. An hour after the movie and I realize Nolan's cynicism for heroism. It needs to be spur-of-the-moment. It simply can't linger. The three timeframes are also three measurements of heroism. Certainly Tom Hardy is the most heroic, with the largest sacrifice within his hour timeframe. In the meantime, the mole people are the most savage and cowardly. After at least a week, heroism hardly cuts it. After that, it's simply enough of this war garbage.

15. The Big Sick
Strangely feels like four acts, but that's a good thing. Perhaps real life has four acts where three are expected. Being based on so much fact, there's obvious room for so much truth. It's fortunate the facts don't actually get in the way of a cinematic truth here. The two sets of different parents bring lots to mine from in both love and conflict to bring a strange universality to the whole specific situation.

14. T2 Trainspotting
This sequel hit me in a way I didn't quite expect. Sometimes you just can't handle the "Lust for Life" needledrop. Sometimes the weight of nostalgia overpowers the joy of it. Sometimes that's the story that needs to be told. Perhaps sometimes should be usually. Maybe we should make every sequel take 20 years to force us to not only take stock of the past, but seriously contemplate our present story.

13. The Shape of Water
Despite a surprising amount of Hawkins skin, this has a powerfully welcome throwback vibe complete with on-the-nose music and a villain who would surely twist his mustache more if he had fingers (and if he had a mustache). Interesting choice to go pretty blatant in the damsel/beast relationship in a way that would only be sort of implied in monster movies in the past. Such a choice really brings a present-day complexity.

12. I Don’t Feel at Home in This World Anymore
Macon Blair's direction is a bit more lighthearted and goofy than Jeremy Saulnier's but the shocking violence is still intact. Can I say I love the violence Saulnier/Blair brings? Not sure if I'm supposed to like it, but it shocks me in just the right way. Like a 60/40 of nervousness and laughter. Again like Saulnier, Blair has a knack for making beauty portraying messiness. In this one in particular, there's an odd bit of horror/comfort in knowing that making the world better often means more destruction than status quo.

11. The Florida Project
There’s a weird thing in life where you can resent someone, but then spend enough time with them and you become like siblings -- even when their behavior (and yours) doesn’t change. Not sure if this is a positive mutation of humanity or if it’s even universal, but this is a great example of the concept. Also, about three quarters into my viewing I giddily noticed that I wasn’t checking the time and didn’t care to leave the theater anytime soon. Not too much plot here. It’s mostly loud kids and rambunctiousness, but the bulk of the story unfolds in the last few minutes. Effective to have 90 minutes of bonding with the characters before then.

10. A Ghost Story
It's got the feel of a short film, but it's not as boring as so many short films manage to be. Meloncholy: The Movie, maybe. I have some (likely incorrect) interpretations about the meaning of it all. Perhaps the things that make us endure actually go beyond time. Perhaps those aspects that make us human aren't our contributions, but just our discovery of what is already eternal.

The neighbor ghost made me cry.

9. Columbus
Here's a beautiful representation of show AND tell. The picture is framed in (usually non-moving) shots of stimulating architecture, leaving the action to come in the words. Nothing much happens, but that doesn't mean people opening themselves to each other can't be one of the most exciting things to experience.

Who is this director Koganada anyway? Why the one name? I remember when Catwoman came out, Roger Ebert’s review said something about the director Pitof maybe starting his life with two names, so maybe for his next feature he should use his other one. I HOPE THIS IS PITOF’S COMEBACK.

8. Baby Driver
So the baby Ansel Elgort pulls out of the car is actually the title character that grows up to be Ryan Gosling in Drive?

I certainly dig how Edgar Wright is focusing on rhythm and editing here. I mean REALLY focusing -- like a constant music video. Weird how so many in the MTV generation never bothered to combine visuals and sound so deliciously. If there's a problem, it's that Elgort's charisma doesn't carry things when he's not driving or running or dancing. Fortunately the music's always pumping. The fate of Jamie Foxx's character is just about the most memorable event this year. I don't think all the characters are as formed as they could be, but despite others' objections' I think the turn the movie takes toward the end in switching antagonists is one of the refreshingest story adjustments in cinema.

7. Get Out
It's something undefinable in method, but somehow the intensity is there right from the beginning in the seemingly harmless (on paper) asides of the whiteys. Perfect paranoia portrayed the best since the '78 Invasion of the Body Snatchers. This is saying something as the whitest person in the universe. I'm extremely pleased with the LACK of comedy here. A Twilight Zone with a loving fluff of nightmarish subtlety.

6. Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri
Thinking in six months I’ll change my mind about merits of the film’s lack of message where perhaps a strong moral message is needed. Maybe changing minds is the message and then my mind changing toward the negative will only validate the meaning I didn’t get before and that forces me into a positive review again. The real villains are truly unseen and may as well be non-existent. What’s left are the innocents either looking for justice or, more likely, trying to protect what they already have. Such interests hardly overlap, creating conflict fueled by unwavering viewpoints. There is a dual idealism here. One for never giving up on what’s right no matter the cost, and the other for opening up to outside points of view. Clever how both themes collide in a work absent of true antagonists. In the end we're left dealing with a situation that humanizes revenge, but certainly doesn't forgive it.

5. Star Wars: The Last Jedi
I definitely commend Rian Johnson for taking the story and characters to places I didn't anticipate. There’s a surprising “ending” here. More so than I would have thought in the middle volume of a trilogy. Again unexpected because I was hoping Johnson would steer clear of conclusions (since I tend not to enjoy the way he usually ends films). Again a lot of cribbing from the original trilogy. The smart trick here is borrowing straight into Return of the Jedi for the character moments while retaining the plot moments of Empire. Kylo Ren’s strange relationship with all around him is still the most exhilarating part of the new trilogy. Spreading his psyche across scenes and across space is gonna be the creative legacy of the third Star Wars act. Here we get the added bonus of a sudden turn, followed by an orgasmic fight sequence, followed by an almost post-coital “what is our relationship status now?” kinda moment. Leading into Episode IX we’re left wondering this same thing. A great place to be instead of wondering about silly ol’ plots.

On my second viewing, lots of the stuff that bugged me didn't bug me anymore. Rose is more appealing and Planet Gamblor isn't as big a part of the whole as I previously remembered. Overall, the universe is contracting and we're left with a surprisingly intimate little cadre of characters. I'm also supremely tickled that there's an outspoken group of Star Wars loyalists who HATE this movie. With the T2 and Blade Runner movies this year, I think we can finally usher in a new era of sequels that are capable of building on what came before, and more importantly, changing direction -- instead of repeating the same story again.

BUT, there's a cute pilot girl that dies early on and I'm pretty pissed about it.

4. mother!
This movie is meant to be an OBVIOUS allegory of the Biblical Fall and Christ sacrifice, but up until I saw Javier Bardem's name in the credits, I somehow picked up on something else entirely. By the last 20 minutes I settled on this interpretation: part 1 deals with the consequences of creating children, while part 2 deals with the consequences of creating art. It’s the second sequence that really grabs a hold of me with the ultimate battle between ego and inspiration among dim masses that know nothing else but to destroy anything good. There's a certain criticism of humanity’s very need to create when the results only lead to savagery. I’m hoping Aronofsky doesn’t have all these details as sorted out as many think, but instead successfully purposefully made something that holds to a dozen other interpretations. Regardless, he nails nightmare vibe logic.

3. The Killing of a Sacred Deer
Big MVP award to Sunny Suljic. This kid falls on his face like five times and is a total champion at it. High rating because upon viewing, I experienced such an adverse reaction. When everyone’s talking as if they’re robotic body snatchers, I want to scream out loud and punch things. THEN it gets into weird emotional territory. The stiff style is annoying, but weirdly effective. Almost more honest than melodrama, but effective on the other edge of the scale. I’m still twitching and nervous and aggravated.

2. Atomic Blonde
The true hero of this movie is Francesca Tolot, Charleze Theron's make-up artist. More than her physical ability, I think Theron may have been cast for her eyes. Her ice stare has a way of somehow adding a static beat to every piece of music (which amazingly is all from my own personal 1989 mixtape). The music is ALMOST too on point. I'm not complaining about that, but the musicless nearly one-shot sequence on the staircase should sway anyone thinking the crisp neon soundtrack is a crutch. Neon, yeah. That's what all these dark, gritty action films need.

1. Raw
My first impression was just a little warmer than lukewarm, but this thing has been in my head almost the entirety of the year. The French have a thing for cannibalism, right? Burgeoning sexuality mixed with bad role models certainly yields mighty fine independent film. The coming of age concept may be a tired theme, but it's executed with precision and power here. The movie swings from sheltered shame to the exhilaration of giving into the basest of nature (which is quite feral if nothing else). The opening shot is the perfectest shot I wish I'd framed (giant foreground trees along a road stretching into the screen with a vanishing point nearly pixel-sized and a walking pedestrian gently marching out). Btw, saw this at Sundance, but the director didn't show up for questions. Would've been interesting considering the movie's implication that eating meat is like raping a human.

The 14 movies that TECHNICALLY came out in 2016, but I didn't see until 2017!

This is that weird awkward section with movies from last year that I saw this year. Usually this includes high-profile stuff released at the very end of the year for Oscar-attention. For the second year in a row, this didn't really happen. Nowhere else to put these, so they go here. That's not to say the number one here doesn't earn its spot. It could be number one on just about any list.

14. Better Off Single
Reminds me of the quirky screenplay I wrote after college about my own self-indulgent thoughts about being single and misunderstood. However, the break-up scene is pretty good and sorta unique in this movie.

13. Gimme Danger
Stooges documentary. Probably needs more original footage.

12. The Autopsy of Jane Doe
Kudos to that newcomer with the job to lay naked on a table for 80 minutes. Still more acting than that Steven Hawking guy. Really would have appreciated a different direction at the end. Potential is there. It ascends creepiness, but doesn't crest where it should.

11. The Bad Batch
Weird movie with Kal Drogo and a girl with missing limbs. Really captures the mundane boredom of a post-apocalyptic cannibal society.

10. Free Fire
Maybe I play too many old video games. Maybe I'm just lousy at orientation. This movie needs an overhead map to tell me where all the characters are and who they're shooting at. Third Brie Larsen movie of the year!

9. Split
McAvoy's dream role: all the roles. We gotta talk about the ending. Have you seen it? Could the ending have been pulled off where we're not annoyed? I feel like on paper it might work. It just doesn't though.

8. American Anarchist
The part of me that tried to download The Anarchist Cookbook in 8th grade was compelled, but another part of me was turned off by what I think is excessive on-camera shaming. Turned off, yet fascinated. Ever see that Star Trek episode "Conscience of the King"?

7. Hidden Figures
Pretty good. I was expecting a bit of ignorant racism portrayed. I saw a bit of ignorant racism portrayed. For some reason I get the feeling the movie didn't expect me to expect the ignorant racism. Also, this is completely beside the point, but Janelle Monae=supacute.

6. The Girl with All the Gifts
Adding fungus to the zombie mythos.

5. Author: The JT LeRoy Story
Doc about one of those absurd celebrity lies that shouldn't have worked. Another example of how tenuous truth is when reality is 95% perception and perception is 95% what we want to be true. Makes sense that Winona Ryder was that supremely fooled enough to cold open this thing with her naivete.

4. Cameraperson
Like a sort of stock footage festival of humanity sprinkled with lots of touches of very touching stuff (the casual resuscitation of the newborn is especially gripping). If there is a narrative, I suppose the main characters would be the mother and the daughters in sort of a happy/sad circle of life and lucidity. A written review isn't really fair. Only after seeing it I realize I should have filmed my various facial expressions as I watched the movie and then posted that as my review.

3. The Greasy Strangler
A bit of Stockholm syndrome with this one. It's offensive in the worst way: not just extreme content, but obvious provocation to the audience. It's sincere in its blatant desire to annoy. Why did I laugh so much then? Was I just worn down? Is it a genius hypnotism at play? Perhaps. I need to give it a review right down the middle, though, because even with my (possibly nervous) laughter, every image and every sound of this thing are the last things I would ever want to experience.

2. Toni Erdmann
I don't even know. Certainly hoping for much funnier (heard reports about how laugh-out-loud it is, alas). Definitely succeeds at cringe-y. The birthday party is horrifying to my prude self. I do like the complicated heart of it all. One would think just lightening up is the obvious lesson. The movie makes the right decision in assuming that's what's wanted already without the characters' needing to be told (to an extent).

1. Tower
We've got to acknowledge that this is further from a documentary than just about any other documentary, right? I mean they needed to hire actors AND THEN rotoscope those actors. It's like twice removed from actual footage. Thing is, though, it weirdly gets at a truth. By the time it mixes in the actual footage and the actual interviews, we're deadly, deadly deep into the thing. And also, I really grew to love these people.

The 37 old movies I saw for the first time in 2017!

Alrighty, here's the list of all the movies older than 2016 that I finally got around to seeing. This section seems to be getting weirder every year. The original movie year is in parentheses.

37. The Closet (Le Placard) (2001)
36. Suburban Commando (1991)
35. Police Academy (1984)
34. The Bad Seed (1956)
33. Doomed! The Untold Story of Roger Corman’s The Fantastic Four (2015)
32. Predestination (2015)
31. Slums of Beverly Hills (1998)
30. Desert Hearts (1985)
29. Roar (1981)
28. The Hunger (1983)
27. Charlie Chan's Murder Cruise (1940)
26. Melancholia (2011)
25. Berberian Sound Studio (2012)
24. The Phantom Carriage (1921)
23. Frailty (2001)
22. The Boondock Saints (1999)
21. The Agony and the Ecstasy (1965)
20. Waking Life (2001)
19. The Friends of Eddie Coyle (1973)
18. Match (2014)
17. Can’t Buy Me Love (1987)
16. Magic Mike (2012)
15. The Apple (1980)
14. Murder She Said (1961)
13. Ten Little Indians (1965)
12. The Innocents (1961)
11. Sherman's March (1985)
10. Serpico (1973)
9. What If (2014)
8. The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou (2004)
7. The Devils (1971)
6. To Live and Die in L.A. (1985)
5. Crossfire Hurricane (2012)
4. Another Thin Man (1939)
3. Murder By Death (1976)
2. Stop Making Sense (1984)
1. Colossus: The Forbin Project (1970)

The 39 movies I'd already seen, but watched again in 2017!

This list is the most unfair one because I usually only re-watch movies if I like them (like a sensible human, I suppose). Weirdly missed It's a Wonderful Life this year. Long story.

39. The Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975)
38. Begin Again (2013)
37. Escape from New York (1981)
36. Shaolin Soccer (2004)
35. Electric Boogaloo: The Wild, Untold Story of Cannon Films (2014)
34. For Your Eyes Only (1981)
33. White Christmas (1954)
32. Jurassic Park (1993)
31. World of Tomorrow Episode Two: The Burden of Other People’s Thoughts
30. Electric Boogaloo: The Wild, Untold Story of Cannon Films (2014)
29. Top Gun (1986)
28. The Maltese Falcon (1941)
27. Superbad (2007)
26. Papillon (1973)
25. Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991)
24. The Room (2003)
23. Innerspace (1987)
22. Night of the Living Dead (1968)
21. Suspiria (1977)
20. House (1977)
19. Psycho (1960)
18. Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964)
17. Caddyshack (1980)
16. What We Do in the Shadows (2014)
15. The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974)
14. Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975)
13. Hot Fuzz (2007)
12. Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey (1991)
11. Scream (1996)
10. Primer (2004)
9. La La Land (2016)
8. Somewhere in Time (1980)
7. Star Wars: The Last Jedi (2017)
6. Tower (2016)
5. Sing Street (2016)
4. The Terminator (1984)
3. The Karate Kid (1984)
2. Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978)
1. Flash Gordon (1980)

Silly little movie-watching facts and statistics from 2017 that only I care about!

Some of these numbers may not add up because of repeat viewings, special screenings not included on the other lists for whatever reason, and good old-fashioned human error.

Total number of movies seen: 169 (20 fewer than last year -- getting old)
Total number of 2017 movies seen: 80
Total number of non-2017 movies seen: 89
Year of oldest movie:  1921 (The Phantom Carriage)
Total number of movies seen more than once within 2017: 5 (Night of the Living Dead, Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Tower, White ChristmasWorld of Tomorrow Episode Two: The Burden of Other People’s Thoughts)
Biggest movie-watching month: January (25 (thanks again Sundance and 24-hour movie marathon!))
Most days in a row of movie-watching: 8 (between March 1st to March 8th)
Smallest movie-watching month: February (7 (damn you non-leap year!))
Movie seen most in 2017: 5-way tie with the ones I've seen more than once (see above)
Movies seen with others: 46
Movies seen alone: 123 (not as pathetic as last year (137)!)
Movies seen at the cinema (excluding Sundance showings): 71
Most popular theater:  Broadway (20 showings (good year for the Salt Lake Film Society -- Tower Theatre in second place with 15))
Movies seen on Netflix: 35
Movies seen on DVD/Blu-ray: 21
Movies seen at Sundance: 9
Movies seen at the annual 24-hour movie marathon: 10
Movies seen on an airplane: 0
Movies seen as part of a special screening/special event: 4
Movies seen on Amazon Prime: 5
Movies seen on Hulu: 6 
Movies seen on YouTube: 2
Movies seen on Shudder: 2 
Movies seen on HBOGo: 0
Movies seen on iTunes: 2
Movies seen on Vimeo: 2 (but it was the same movie twice)
Movies seen on straight-up broadcast TV: 0
Average Rotten Tomatoes score: 79.77% (hey, lucked out there! (in case you're wondering The Circle currently has the lowest score with 16% (beating The Room!))

End of list! Again, tell me if you got this far and give me your insights!





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