something's wrong with the universe

I just got back from the annual torture which is the BYU-UofU football game. Last year I actually attended the game in the middle of red square where there was this girl in front of us who yelled "F*** BYU! Go Utes!" over and over. When BYU's band came out to play at half-time, she yelled "F*** BYU's band!" In the fourth quarter (a few beers later) she accidently slipped up and yelled "F*** Utes! Go B -- I mean F*** BYU! Go Utes!" After being very patient with her all game, I said to her kindly, "Hey, hey... you shouldn't badmouth your own team like that! C'mon! Be supportive! They need you." She pouted and then turned around in a huff and said quietly, "F*** off!" That little story was the ONLY good thing that happened last year.

Up through the first half of this year's game, things were even worse than last year. We were supposed to win easily, but Utah was ahead 24-3 at halftime. BYU made a game of it in the third and fourth quarter, and when the time ran out it was tied at 34. Utah immediately scored and BYU fell apart. So it was better than last year (when BYU was the final notch in Utah's undefeated season), but it's still crappy.

I think there are several reasons why Utah won. One reason is because BYU performed some kind of "haka" dance before the game to get pumped up. The haka is the absolute worst way to get pumped up. For any of you who don't know, hakas are polynesian war dances that the warriors would perform before battle. I'm pretty sure that the British opened fire on the Maoris of New Zealand as they were performing this dance on the open field. Another reason is because BYU has way too many old people attending the games and they don't pump up the team much. Utah doesn't have nearly as many elderly alumni because most of them succombed to death early as a result of years of alcohol abuse. The other reason is because... I honestly don't know. It's something supernatural. Something evil, though. Not Godly destiny like so many people in red believe.

Now I have to deal with snide Utah fans all year. One of these crazy fans is my bishop. He and most of my other Ute church friends have a pretty distorted belief that there's an unlimited amount hating they can make on my school. I think this stems from the stereotype that everyone who goes to BYU is proud and judgmental. Admittedly, I'm actually pretty proud and judgmental, but just about everybody I knew in school wasn't nearly as bad as I was and certainly not nearly as bad as most Ute fans I've met (and most people don't think I'm all that bad). Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't believe the stereotypes (even though Ute fans definitely won't take my little alcoholism joke in jest). It's pretty interesting: depending on a stereotype of judgmentality to justify one's own judgmentality. It's a truly unique social phenomenon. Anyhow, I've dealt with lots of Utes over the course of my years. Not all of them are like they guy I saw in a red shirt that said, "My testimony is stronger than yours." Most of them are actually like the guy in the shirt that simply read "Go Utes!" (with a picture of a giant middle finger).

The University of Utah isn't all that bad. There are some good folks there. They got that cold fusion thing goin' and all that. I almost went to the U. Sometimes I wish I did, it seems like it could've been a real fun place. But ALL forms of herpes kind of disgust me, so it's probably good that I didn't.