broadway debut. D-E-B-U-T, debut.

I meant to mention this a month ago. Sorry.

The first Broadway play I ever went to was The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee. It was also the first Broadway play I ever acted in.

I asked Sally what people wear to Broadway shows. She told me that some people really dress up for them, but that tons of people go in jeans and t-shirts. It's probably because tourists running around with their one change of clothes don't really have the same conveniences as locals and these broadway shows rely on tourists so they make them pretty casual. I wore jeans and my "WANTED" t-shirt.

When Kristi and I first got to the show, we were accosted by a woman with a clipboard who asked us if we'd like to be in it. We both enthusiastically said yes, despite the advice of Sally that we speak to two separate people about it with the logic being that they wouldn't take two people from the same group (they only have four audience members participate in the play itself). The woman asked us weird questions like whether or not we were up on current events and then told us to wait in line for someone else to interview us. The girl who interviewed us asked if I was a good speller and I responded that I actually won a spelling bee in 7th grade (true by the way). She then asked if Kristi and I would mind being split up. I responded by saying "If you pick one of us... pick me." For some reason this completely tickled her. 15 minutes later the girl announced the four "winners." I was first on the list. I'm pretty sure it was because of my selfish attitude.

The other three people were a middle-aged woman tourist, a middle-aged man and a teenager in a bosomy prom dress. They took the four of us to the lighting booth and ran over the ground rules and gave us very limited edition pins to prove we were part of the experience. We weren't supposed to try to act, but it was very important that, when spelling words, we ask for a definition and to use the word in a sentence.

The seats that Kristi and I won through Tim at the lottery were really the best seats in the whole auditorium (which was dressed up perfectly like a middle school gym). Even if I wasn't actually in the play, I practically would have been anyway. The seats we had were on a kiddie bench a foot away from the spelling microphone. The announcer called my name as a late entry and the cast members playing the kid spellers took me and the other audience contestants to the risers on the stage.

During a flashback sequence many of the characters acted as one of the kid's parents, brothers, cousins, etc. They stood up on the risers as the kid sang about them. He mentioned one person and a few of the cast members nudged me to stand up. After I did, the kid singing slowly shook his head as if I wasn't supposed to stand. The joke was simple humiliation at my expense, but at least the audience laughed.

They don't tell us how to spell the words we're given. That's part of the sponteneity. Some audience contestants get easier words, some get harder words, but they find a way to eliminate all of us by the end of the show. About four people into the spelling bee, my name was called to spell. As I walked up to the microphone, the announcer announced, "Jon Madsen is president of his school's sideburns club."

"Jon, your word is 'jihad.'"

I realized that's probably why they asked if I was up on current events. It's sort of a stretch, but I don't remember any of the other words having anything remotely to do with stuff like that. "Could I have that in a sentence please?"

"Timmy, here comes a jihad; so get behind this western wall."

"Jihad. J-I-H-A-D. Jihad."

"Correct!"

It was super nice to get the applause.

Shortly before my next word was a musical number. The other contestants told the three of us audience participaters to hold their hands and jump up and down for it, but they somehow managed to give us each others' hands so it was just the audience members jumping around like idiots.

When I went up for my second word the announcer said, "When Jon left his house this morning he told his mother, 'I'm wearing jeans and a t-shirt today. I'm going to a spelling bee, not a Broadway play."

"Jon, your word is "*zoo zoo*"

Hmm. Never heard that word before. I forget what the definition and sentence were. "Z-U-Z-U?"

"I'm sorry. Z-U-U-Z-U-U."

The character playing the paroled prisoner doing community service by comforting eliminated spellers gave me a huge hug and a juicebox. Yeah, it was a real juicebox. I got lots of applause when I went to sit down. I don't think I'm a natural on stage, but people naturally like me, so there.

The prom girl was the last of us to go out. She was announced with "Sheila has been suspended 15 times over the school's dress code."

I very much recommend the play next time you're in New York. Very funny. Very fun. And it touched me man.

Later in the day I was wearing my pin in the subway and this guy came up to me and congratulated me. He asked about spelling bees being televised and I mentioned that, yes, I had seen spelling bees on ESPN before. He then asked when I'd be on. The whole time this guy thought I was a middle school student competing in one of those nationally televised spelling bees. I decided to let him and me enjoy that fantasy.

By the way, I looked up zuuzuu. It's totally not even a word.