Tuesday, April 20, 2010

no hand job in the carpal tunnel of love

Toward the end of last week my job as a ladder manufacturing drone came crashing down when out of nowhere I lost sensation in my right hand.

Didn't think TOO much of it until the next day when my hand was still asleep. The doctor told me i still had strength enough in my digits, so he ruled out flat-out carpal tunnel and suggested it would go away in a day or two. After three more days of nothing improving I saw him again and he gave me one of those carpal tunnel gloves that Michael Jackson wore in the "Black or White" video. He said if I still have problems in three weeks there are some expensive, wasteful nerve tests to do after that.

I really hate that the last thing I remember feeling with my good hand is a rivet gun. And I'm pretty scared that the loss of sensation and dexterity will be something I'll have to learn to live with. No doubt I'm overdramatizing. I tend to worry even though nothing bad ever happens to me. I'm constantly considerably blessed. Of course maybe that means I'm due. Here comes the anxiety.

There is a long list of stuff I've been meaning to do that will be pretty difficult to accomplish now. I should have waded through the list long ago and should be working on a new set of stuff now. Alas, the timetables have turned. The comic strip will be a little while longer and family... your Christmas presents may arrive closer to Independence Day.

In the meantime I'm wondering what job I can do that doesn't seriously involve my right hand. About the only thing I can think of is stand-up comedian. Maybe I can develop my own genre. Sure people love laughing but is there any demand to see someone just be really depressing? I bet I could do that pretty well, because I can only think of one stand-up joke --
Hey everybody! Have you ever been driving around and seen those signs that say 'Caution: Children'? What's up with that? Like I'm gonna be afraid of a few kids? I'm in a car, what are they gonna do? I mean, I'm a small guy, but I think I can handle a few children... unless there are a lot of them... like there were last week. Wow. Those kids really walloped me good. Most of them just took off too. They could have at least driven me to the hospital. I guess they're kids right? They don't have cars. I had to beg this little girl to drive me to the ER in my car. By the way, any of you people see an 8-year-old Chinese girl driving a '98 Corolla? I had to walk here. Man, I can't believe she suckered me like that! You know, come to think of it, I'm really grateful for 'Caution: Children' signs.


Anyway, that's that. My hand is numb but late last night I thought I felt some feeling coming back. Don't notice it so much today, but maybe that's just the process. We'll see.

4 Comments:

Blogger Maria said...

Sorry about your hand. You will be fine. The post of this entry is awful. Truly.

That joke was hilarious.

April 20, 2010 8:07 PM  
Blogger Charlotta-love said...

I think you have something with that stand up bit. You'll just have to book 100 five-minute gigs instead of 5 one hundred-minute gigs.

Sorry to hear about your hand...

April 21, 2010 11:31 AM  
Blogger Rhett said...

Your body is slowly atrophying...

April 21, 2010 3:34 PM  
Blogger (M)ary said...

I had an injury of my right arm from organizing reems of paper....yep...a paper pushing work related pain. They could never say for certain what it was but the best guess was the swollen tendon in my elbow pinched a nerve causing numbness in my hand.
My right arm was wonky for at least a year. I ended up using my left arm so much I am still left handed in some things which I do.

April 21, 2010 4:09 PM  

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