Thursday, December 24, 2009

airing of grievances '09

I hope everyone had a pleasant Festivus today.

Light switches are still horrible. What gives with half of all bathroom light switches being OUTSIDE the bathroom? Who thought this was a good idea? Why is it constantly the case with bathrooms? Is it because it's easy to mess someone up from the outside of the bathroom? Is the reason just to play jokes on people? Also, my room has two light switches and they suck. First, "on" is "down" which is the opposite of how it should be, unless it's the southern hemisphere. Secondly, if I use one switch to turn the light off, I can't use the other one to turn the light on. I can use either to turn off, but once I do I'm committed. That's wrong.

I hate it when people see a movie and then say "well that's two hours I'll never get back!" as if they would have been doing charity work during that time or something. Good movie or bad movie, it's still sitting in a chair for two hours and you'll still live your life the same during and after. I love movies more than any other person on the planet, but I'm not sorry if you expected something truly life-changing. Plus, in this age we tend to love hating more than we love loving anyway.

Who invented the cd? I hate that Japanese guy (or jyo sei). For the most part, cds are okay, but it was a bad decision to have no protective built-in case for them. Remember floppy disks? They were housed in plastic and only a tiny portion was vulnerable. Now, cds have begotten dvds. The entire bottom surface gets scratched and dirty right when they're opened. "Hey, thanks for the dvd! Whoops! I dropped it. Now it doesn't play. Guess I'll just hit up Best Buy for another one!" I love Netflix, but everybody who watches the movies before I do doesn't care about my viewing experience. They're scratched to kingdom come so there is ALWAYS a scene I miss, especially when I watch them on the 360.

The Xbox 360 is horrible. I like it because there's one in my house and I can get Netflix streaming on it and there's Gears of War on it, but it's horrible. Half of them fail. Thank all heaven Microsoft isn't in the life-saving business.

(I'm eternally grateful our 360 hasn't failed.)

Daniel Faraday is a douchebag. First there's no chance to change the past, so why even try? Then, he suddenly realizes that when you go back in time, you become a variable to change the past. Have you never seen Back to the Future Faraday? We're counting on you to establish the rules. Don't make us think the writers are just making it up as they go. Okay, we know they are, but at least make it LOOK like they're not.

Persephone! Why did you eat those damned pomegranate seeds?

Hey Kevin Smith and Wes Anderson! I don't think you're very funny. I think you should stop being so sure of yourselves. You disappoint me.

Samus Aran, your alien power suit is no match for that one part of Metroid Prime that I can't get past. You know, with the guys with the dragonfly wings and you're supposed to knock out two separate generators and call in and air strike or something? Anyway, I've been stuck on that part for TWO FREAKING YEARS!

Twitter, the site is stupid for making me go way back in the archives to find the tweets I've missed. Listen Twitter. When I login, just give me an entire facing page of all the Tweets that have happened since I last logged in. It's very difficult to figure out when I'm away from my TweetDeck.

TweetDeck, you suck too. Sometimes I miss tweets because you only show the tweets that have occured since you've last been opened. It all starts over when I reboot or something. If I turn off the computer I have to make sure TweetDeck is all red and I hate being tied down like that.

High ceilings, you're not that cool! It just makes it hard for me to change light bulbs and put up the mistletoe.

Mistletoe! Why do I put you up every year? Do you work? No. In fact is there any other decoration that actually DISCOURAGES casual smooching more? NO!!!

J.J. Abrams, you're horrible for massifying Star Trek. Well, actually it's not that bad, but I still sort of prefer the good 'ol days.

Peter Nash and Joey Smith, you're in the list of grievances because somehow, SOMEHOW you're way bigger Star Trek dorks than I could ever hope to be.

I hate people who think they're being cute with me when they really aren't. Be cute. Just don't be cute with me. I may just want to smack you.

I hate Zooey Deschanel for looking hot ROUND THE CLOCK and for making me angry at girls because they get to wear dresses.

Read past airings of grievances:

2006

2007

2008

8 Comments:

Blogger Charlotta-love said...

I LOVE Zooey Deschanel for bringing back the bangs look and for the amazingly cute dresses she wears. hmpf.

Happy Festivus. and Merry Christmas!

December 24, 2009 8:21 AM  
Blogger Maria said...

ok- where are all these "outside" light switches? I've only seen a few and it seems you are coming across them constantly.

Please provide an example of trying to "be cute". I'm extremely intrigued by any behavior that makes you want to slap people - very much not your style. You usually are quite encouring of behavior that most people find annoying.

I love to love. I don't know why you think people prefer to hate, but I know you really do think that.

December 24, 2009 9:19 AM  
Blogger Laura Lee said...

Funny, as always.

"Plus, in this age we tend to love hating more than we love loving anyway."

I love that you said that because I know you have to see the irony considering the topic of this post.

December 24, 2009 9:55 AM  
Blogger Rebekah said...

Ha ha! Love it!

Love the post, love the new hair, love you! :)

December 24, 2009 10:06 AM  
Blogger Craig Barlow B. said...

Zooey Deschanel is truly a hottie.

And mistletoe are really totally useless. It's time I moved on to some other method of getting uninterested girls to kiss me.

December 26, 2009 5:09 PM  
Anonymous Joey Smith said...

irony (n): Someone who airs an annual list of grievances complaining that "we tend to love hating more than we love loving".
But, hey, I made your list, so - yay (?).

December 28, 2009 4:55 PM  
Blogger jaime said...

Well that's two minutes of my life I'll never get back! I could have been doing some sweet charity work, but now my days shot.

December 30, 2009 2:52 PM  
Blogger joN. said...

irony? perhaps, but i don't think so. i hate the stuff on the list, but i love the actual airing of grievances. just like i can love hating a movie. most people don't make this distinction. people tend to love the hating, but don't admit it. hence the "two hours" line. not irony. it's actually... well nothing really. at least nothing that has a literary term attached to it.

January 01, 2010 1:38 PM  

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