Sarah Palin Tall

Lately some of my intelligent political friends and family have been chatting up this chick from Alaska who I guess could potentially be our next vice-president. Lately I've heard lots of talk about her experience, stance on issues, level of conservatism, etc. Now, we all know that I'm really not very political at all. Nevertheless, I think it's important to share my thoughts as one of the uninformed.

I just said I'm ignorant in this regard, but I can't help but ask: am I the only one who feels that her experience and issues make absolutely no difference in this whole thing?

The way I see it, 95% of the McCain for President Committee's decision was very simple demographics. What she believes is unimportant, but the fact that she's a youngish woman is very, very important.

Like I said, I don't get into politics too much, but one thing I do know is that the Democrats just finished a fevered battle between Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton. Our neighbor across the street still has her "Hillary for President" sign in the front yard. Political people will tell you that anyone who would have voted for Clinton would never, ever vote for McCain no matter how girly he gets. Sensible thinking if you believe that everyone in the country is as sensible as you are. In the show 30 Rock the character Jenna claims that she hopes Clinton will win because she wants a woman president. Superficial, sure, but I don't blame her too much (plus she's a fictional character). Jenna merely admits something that we don't readily admit: we want "our people" to succeed. It's a very basic psychology. That's not to say we're racist or sexist in that we don't want other people to succeed, but we do tend to form an attachment demographically. Hey, it's a tendency. It's not necessarily the rule, and it doesn't affect everybody, but it happens A LOT. Mormons did it with gusto with Mitt Romney even though he didn't necessarily espouse the traditional Utah County-type platform.

With that in mind, I honestly think that the women of this nation were way more tickled about the Clinton candidacy than was obvious. For example, most of my friendgirls are intelligenter than I am. Even though they're wicked conservative, I'd be surprised if a part of them didn't feel that it was about damn time that the office of the President of the United States could possibly be occupied by one of their own. The girl power pride only increases if there's less of a political factor getting in the way.

With all this in mind, McCain and his campaign knew that his best shot at getting some of the spoils of the defeated Clinton would not be to entice them politically, but genderly. Adamant Clinton supporters (and McCain supporters) would be aghast at such a concept. Keep in mind, however, that most people who would have voted for her probably weren't adamant.

Another factor in all this is McCain's age. Not only did he need someone to collect the estrogenical votes, but he also needed someone to offset the fact that the guy's a billion years old. Well, he's not too old, and it's obvious he's not extremely senile or anything, but if you're a guy like me who doesn't get into this political thing very much, McCain's age is all you hear about. As a side note of the whole age thing, McCain's health is also a considerable factor. I don't think the guy wants to die, but he knows he's trying to get into just about the closest job to actually bearing the weight of the world. Here comes a heart attack. McCain knows everybody's thinking it, so he turns it to his advantage. Obama could be the first black president, while a victory for McCain could very likely usher in the first female president. Hillary is seething right now.

But perhaps the biggest reason I think Palin's opinions don't matter is simply because she's going for the vice-presidency here. Are we really going to believe that her policies will have any effect on McCain's policies? If McCain wins then she becomes the vice-president. I don't even really know what the vice-president does. One joke from Saturday Night Live from a while ago is that the VP's job is to "attend funerals." I know the VP casts the tying vote in the Senate. How often does that happen? And when it does happen, when is the vote a result of the VP's personal choice and not the presidential cabinet as a whole?

I hope you political people comment and tell me I'm wrong. You know I don't know what I'm talking about. Just remember, I think this country is composed of more people like me than people like you. The McCain campaign is well aware of that and they want to win. I'm sorry, but I guess it's my fault that the General Election of this country is moving closer and closer to a high school student body presidential election.

I can't wait for Tina Fey to make an appearance on Saturday Night Live impersonating Sarah Palin.