dirty deeds done

You may be wondering why I'm rollin' in the Jacksons. My crew and I have made our fortunes by doing our share of dirty work. Some things I do are things that nobody else would touch.

I'm not sure if I've mentioned Joe before. Actually, I just did a quick search of the blog and I guess I mention Joe quite a bit. He beats me in Guitar Hero all the freakin' time. One thing I'm pretty sure I haven't mentioned is that Joe has an intensely hairy back. After this last Wednesday, I think he may possibly have the hairiest back in the state.

About a week ago, Joe borrowed my camera to enter 101.9 The End's "Bringing Sexy Back" contest. It was a hairy back contest. We always joked with him about his hairiness, but I didn't think he'd make the station's callbacks. He did. The station asked him to come into the studio to compete against two other hairy-backed guys. They also required him to bring in someone else to sculpt his back hair into some kind of artistic statement. Since, my boss was to be out of town the day of the contest, I volunteered to take the day off work to do the deed.

I had one demand: that we didn't just cave to catering by simply writing in the name of the radio station. Joe, Maria and I brainstormed a few pretty good back designs. Maria suggested the rock-on hand sign and wings. Joe loved the rock sign, but i didn't think I'd be able to make it look convincing. I liked the idea of the wings, because a hairy texture is close to a feathered texture; so I talked Joe into doing the wing thing.

We barely made it to the station on time and were escorted into the studio. We met Parker and Wendi, the two newest personalities on The End. He pretty much talks non-stop about how the Utah audience hates him. Nicer in person than I thought though. Wendi was super-nice, but slightly forlorn. His picture on the website makes him look like a total db, but his hair isn't actually that peroxided in person. One of the other guys was our age. He brought his sister with him. Both of the other guys were bigger gentleman, but the guy who came with his wife was quite a bit bigger. He was also a bit older. His wife did a lot of complaining about how weird it is to cuddle up with a guy with a hairy back. Anyway, they started off jabbing off with us for an unnecessary amount of time. I brought in my iRiver FM receiver to record the experience, but the reception in there was strangely bad. Maybe I should have just turned the microphone recorder on. I'll try to post what I got anyway.

I didn't think we really had a chance of winning until it was time to have everyone take their shirts off. The young guy was about as hairy as Joe, but the guy with the complaining wife hardly had anything. Hopefully after seeing the other contestants, she'll quit her yappin.' So then they gave us about 15 minutes to go ahead and work our magic. We forgot an electric razor, but the station provided a couple of them for us. We were prepared in just about every other way. I sharpied up some key locations, so that I could get the symmetry of the wings right (I still got it quite a bit wrong). We also brought some razor blades to do some close cutting on the edges for a deeper contrast, but they were only good for a swipe or two before they became clogged up with hair and useless (it's not like we had running hot water to rinse them out with). I messed up plenty on the texturing. I wanted to sort of make the triangular shape of feathers, but when I did I wound up taking off more hair than I wanted to (because of the curl variable etc.) and we wound up with plenty of very unneeded baldness. Because of this, I panicked and to Joe's chagrin I touched up the whole project with some sharpie outlining.

When time was up and we got a glimpse of the other contestants, I had a sudden surge of hope. To my delight, BOTH of the other teams went with the butt-kissing "101.9 The End" design that I vetoed initially. They also went overboard in coloring their poorly shaved designs with magic markers. We had to tell a couple of people what our design was, but once we told them, they ahh'ed with mild delight. The judges were the sponsors (a husband and wife team from the laser treatment place called Evea) and an up-and-coming Georgia band intensely loved by Parker called Five Star Iris (a sort of blend of Gin Blossoms, Keith Urban and an EFY tape).

After a short dismissal, we got back into the studio where the Evea guy (who has almost no body hair, btw) announced that Joe won (say hooray!).

After the contest, we were treated to a free mini-concert by Five Star Iris. They're pretty nice guys. Good thing, because nobody really knows who they are yet, so they'd be dumb to be divas already. After the show we chatted and got our picture taken with them.

The contest prize was $200 (which Joe split evenly with me (hence the top photo)) and three free laser treatments, which I guess Joe will start participating in around Memorial Day or so. Of course If Joe wants to do it right, he'll have to order three MORE treatments after his free ones at close to a cost of 1000 bucks. In essence, the laser people will ultimately hustle him into it. On the other hand, the poor hairy guy has been meaning to do this for a long time, so he may as well get a huge discount on the process. Looks like Joe won't be the hairiest guy in the state for too much longer.

three things i learned at work today

There's been a theory floating around that one way to help overcome allergies is to consume honey that has been produced locally. Since bees make honey from the local pollen containing the allergens that cause allergic symptoms, eating local honey sort of produces an immunity in much the same way that vaccinations do. Rhett and I have thrown around this theory for the past few months. Today I found out at least two (2) people on the internet subscribe to the same theory. Although that doesn't prove its truth, the fact that I didn't stumble across anybody refuting the theory certainly doesn't dispel it. Of course they do recommend starting the "honey treatment" of a teaspoon a day three months in advance of allergy season. My allergies aren't nearly as bad as last year (when I actually saw a doctor because I was convinced I had more than mere allergies), but they've been pretty bad the past couple of weeks.

Years ago I read that the original guitarist for the Red Hot Chili Peppers wanted to take action against the band because he wrote much of their first album and was shortly thereafter tactlessly fired from the band. It was probably about 15 years ago that I read that. Since then in every single magazine I've read and every single tv show I've seen that has had something to do with the Peppers I've been told that Hillel Slovak was the original guitarist and he died of a heroin overdose in 1988. Finally, a quick check on wikipedia informed me that Slovak was actually the original guitarist, but was also in another band with a record contract when the Peppers cut their first record. Slovak temporarily committed with the other band and re-joined RHCP after their first album was already recorded. The Peppers recruited a guy named Jack Sherman just for that first recording. I recall reading in that original article that the fired guitarist claimed that Anthony Kiedis and Flea were ridiculously abusive to him and that when they fired him they walked into the room giggling. Sherman's wikipedia entry didn't mention such abuse, but I can only conclude that the guy I read about must be him, even though we never ever hear about him being a part of the band.

(Speaking of the Red Hot Chili Peppers, I also read that when Slovak died, their original drummer, Jack Irons (who was also in that other band (called What Is This?) with Slovak), said to the rest of the band, "This is not where I want to be. I do not want to be a part of something where my #*&$ing friends are dying." He then immediately left the band. Strangely, in the small world of rock music, he was asked to join a band called Mookie Blaylock. He declined, having formed a band of his own, but referred a singer to them by the name of Eddie Vedder. Mookie Blaylock later became Pearl Jam and Irons drummed (dram?) for them anyway between 1994 and 1998).

The weird creature I've seen crawling around our house isn't an alien, but just a house centipede. It looks pretty monstrous and unholy, but wikipedia claims that these things are actually great to have around because they cause no damage and consume unwanted pests. Plus, they don't really bite that often. Late last night I saw it and since it looked so different from a regular centipede I thought it might actually be an alien. I then imagined that it communicated with me that its species was dying and it needed milk or sugar or something to survive. It came to me because the species didn't want a lot of "Earth press" and they'd love to strike a deal under the table where the entire scientific and political community of the planet would not come down on them. I then readily agreed and in return for whatever nutrients they'd need, I would hire them as extras in a really awesome horror movie about bugs from outer space. Soon the celebrity would get to me and I'd inadvertently sever the deal and then the space bugs would kill me and most of Earth out of self-defense.

a non-joking aside

So I've totally lost count of how many jokes I've told so far this week. What's even worse is that I can't think of a single joke I've refrained from saying that I could tell at the end of the week. What that means is that even when I set a goal, put a time measurement on it and then tell everyone I'm doing it; I still don't bother to accomplish it. It's pretty depressing, especially coupled with an even deeper feeling that I automatically attempt humor as a defense mechanism. Does anybody remember that M*A*S*H where Hawkeye went 24 hours without telling a joke? He wanted to prove that he wasn't insecure. Even he made it 24 hours.

Anyway, badder news blending into better news...

Scott, the guy who runs the extralife link on the side of my blog page, recently made an open talent call for a new video game podcast he and this guy Blake are starting up. You can read the original call for entries here. I figured I'd totally try out even though at the time I decided to I didn't actually own a microphone or a Skype connection. I figured I'd worry about it if they actually liked what they heard, but more likely I would just fail and not have to worry about it.

A couple of nights ago I made a goal to finally get my audition mp3 sent over to him. That night was absolutely horrible. I already recorded my voice at work and some Nintendo sound effects onto my iRiver mp3 player the night before. I actually went a little crazy the night before because I couldn't find my double 1/8" wire (pretty much a wire with a headphone jack on both ends). This is pretty serious since it's the wire I had to buy to replace the wire my former boss stole from me (that's probably worth a story sometime). I did find a similar wire, but for some reason it recorded the Nintendo sound effects pretty low. I figured it would be no big deal since I shouldn't have any problem increasing the volume (it's a different story altogether if the volume was too loud and permanently distorted). Now all I had to do was edit the thing together, export it and email it. Unfortunately, both Soundtrack (non-Pro) and Garageband don't have (at least that I could find, I'm still new to this Mac thing (I should really name that thing, maybe it'll be more forgiving after I do)) a very good system of straight-forward audio amplification. I wound up downloading Audacity, a scrappy little free program I used to use all the time when I recorded the FreeCapitalist show. It let me down, though, when it couldn't read Soundtrack's mega bizarro sound files. After an inability to locate the mp3 conversion of the files by iTunes I finally wound up burning the audio to cd and then ripping the same cd back onto the computer I just burned from. As someone who even partially considers himself a computer user, I found the process sickening. Afterward I discovered the missing mp3 files were actually in a pretty obvious place after all. Must've been incredibly tired and agitated. Anyway (ever notice that I'm only long-winded when I talk about computer problems?) I compiled my voice (taken from three separate takes) with clips from the Wii main menu, Trauma Center: Second Opinion and the original Legend of Zelda. At 1 am, I emailed the completed mp3, by that time not really caring about the impeccable quality I was planning for. All I cared about was that my assignment was finished (a strategy I used through all of college) and that it could be sent to Scott and Blake (the other host of the future podcast).

I bet since I had such a hard time putting the thing together, they'll totally want me to do it. So... should I tell them I don't actually have Skype (yet)?

i've only told six jokes so far

That last entry was written very poorly and I apologize. Now is about the time I automatically tell a joke. Today I discovered that I really have to think about not being in a humorous mood. I think it might be a defense mechanism or a stress reliever or something.

Getting on with things, I've already had a really hard time and have actually given in a few times. Here are the jokes I slipped up on (marvel at how stupid they are that I totally sold out my integrity so soon):

1. During our V.I.P. Media morning meeting my boss, Pete, said that our latest video project was shown at some kind of library fundraiser that raised $100,000. I responded with "So, what's our cut?" This was almost not a joke, since I kind of legitimately wanted to know how much the company makes during these things. I didn't get an answer, though, so I guess it was just a joke.

2. During the same meeting, Chad, a co-worker mentioned that when he was in school he took a sound class. For the final, the professor removed all the sound effects from the movie Silverado and the class took about a month to develop the sound effects and re-edit them into the movie. I said, "So you didn't just rent Silverado and put the same effects back in?"

3. We got new candy in the candy bowl at work. One of the candies is actually called "Mary Jane." I had to ask, "So do we just eat this? Does anyone have a lighter?"

4. I've been consistently coming into work at 9:15 am. Pete told me that we're meeting at Village Inn tomorrow at 8:30 am to award the winning bracket of the office March Madness contest. I said "There's an 8:30 am now?" Of course this is really an example of a totally different type of joke that I'm trying to overcome. It's pretty much a direct Simpsons quote.

5. Jarem was at my house with his girlfriend, Chantel, and he got on the phone with his mom to ask her if Chantel could come over for dinner on Wednesday. Suddenly, Mike and Rhett started yelling about coming along too until Jarem finally asked his mom if they could come too. After all the commotion died out I uttered, "I'm so very hungry." Same thing as joke five. That was a direct Futurama quote.

6. Chantel remarked that my customized Catan game just needed one adjustment to make an island of each resource. I told her, "I'll take it up with the committee," referring strictly to myself. It could be argued that the remark isn't a joke at all. It's also a longshot quote from Empire Strikes Back. Han said aloud to "Take it up with the committee," to which Leia yelled back, "I am not a committee!"

Also, since I made this list of six i was watching the big basketball game tonight and when the ball was passed to an exceptionally short player I instinctively yelled "dunk it!"

*sigh* See? these jokes aren't even that funny.

Okay, that's not a very good start, I admit it.

lent on loan

I'm taking a miniature Lent break in this week before Easter. For the next seven days I'm giving up humor for Lent. I haven't decided if I can still write humor in the blog or not or if I can still say, "ever see that Simpsons where..." Mostly I'll be getting rid of sarcasm.

It may actually be a nice break. I'm hoping it won't be hard at all. For the past 20 years or so in just about every situation I'm concentrating on thinking of something funny to say. I know a lot of jokey people sometimes just want to "be taken seriously," which is a pretty annoying phrase, so sorry for saying it. Sometimes I'm concerned that I don't take myself seriously. Now maybe I can concentrate on more serious things.

So I'm not going to be telling any jokes from now until this Sunday evening. If something pops up in my head, I'll write it down and totally tell you later.

the golden age of wireless

It's been a little while so I'm pretty obligated to post at least a musing (not necessarily amusing).

People who know me pretty well know that I have a constant fear and giddy anticipation for the time when technology officially enslaves mankind. It's portrayed in a majority of science fiction literature and film, so I think I'm preparing pretty well. One of the major perks to it all is actually becoming a cyborg. Usually cyborgs are portrayed as half-breed zombies with less humanity than even their "full-blooded" android cousins. Thanks a lot Star Trek. I don't think that cyborgs necessarily need such a bad rep. I think done right, we could have the best of biology and technology literally at our fingertips... actually that's a bad expression to use since it would be literally within our fingertips. Man! That's quite a concept when my semi-hyperbole expressions don't even come close to making the point.

Sorry, that was too many words.

There's an incredible cd (that I don't own) by Thomas Dolby called The Golden Age of Wireless. I believe the American version came out in 1982. It was repackaged with his hit single "She Blinded Me With Science" that you've probably heard. Don't confuse this particular album with The Age of Plastic by The Buggles which came out a year or two earlier and contained the hit "Video Killed the Radio Star," although both albums contain several of the themes I'm talking about here. That's one thing I love about early 80s synth-pop -- while a lot of the 90s alternative described how we feel now, the 80s stuff I'm talking about talked a lot about how we live now.

Whoops, I forgot to mention why wonderful wireless is relevant to what I was talking about before. You may be able to tell that I'm EXTREMELY tired at the moment. Have I mentioned how I gauge my level of energy? I probably have, but I'll mention it again anyway. However much energy my cel phone has is precisely how much energy I have. My functionality is directly related to my most important wireless device. Now my video games and a bunch of other stuff are all wireless too. Being a cyborg isn't too bad, now that we've surpassed all those ugly wires sticking out of us. Who says we need to actually look like zombies?

So anyway, I don't know if this is related to the upcoming revolution or just my intense weariness of late, but I was studying the Final Cut Pro instruction manual today and I was very impressed at how empathetic the technical writing was concerning instructing me on developing my own editing style. I nearly cried.

the 24/7 full moon.

I've spoken before about a technological curse I've had over the past few years (I've also spoken of it here and here and here and here and here and here). Just to sum up: computers don't work when I use them.

I hoped to rid myself of the curse by switching over to a Mac. I sort of explained my reasons for wanting to do so, but let me make it more clear. It's not necessarily because I think Macs are better. It's that PCs and I obviously don't work well together. It's kind of like The Police. Three awesome musicians in the biggest band in the world and they need to break up because although they're individually incredible, they were incredibly destructive in a group setting. Of course I actually heard that Sting once said that he left The Police because he was finally rich enough to hire real musicians. I'm pretty sure that's not an accurate quote, but I sure hope it is. Who knows, maybe just like The Police, I'll get back together with a PC in 20 years.

So anyway, I haven't mentioned this yet, but my unnamed Mac has had some problems. Not big, mind you. Not big at all. For some reason the packaged musical loops in Garageband didn't register with that program. I knew the loop files actually existed, but I couldn't open them up directly in Garageband for some reason. Strangely, everyone else I know who got a Mac at the same time I did (I know three people who got one within a month of my getting one) did not have this same problem. Curses!

So I tried physically moving the files around like it said to do in an online help file I found. Nope. I tried reinstalling the loops from an original cd. That didn't work either. Apparently, even though it was a minor problem, it was a very original one. This last Thursday I finally took the unnamed to the Apple Store. They have a Genius Bar there for people with computer questions. My "genius" uninstalled, reinstalled, moved files and turned stuff off and on for two hours. Nothing. The problem was completely new. It was solved, however. One of the other "geniuses" discovered that there were text files in the loop file that were somehow interfering with the folder's function. He removed them and it worked, but not before telling me that such a thing made no sense since those text files are actually supposed to be there and are there on other Macs with no problems.

I wish Macs and PCs weren't so compatible. Obviously, they've been talking to each other about me.

air conditioning in hell

Three big things happened today.

I turned on the A/C in my car. Usually, I save this event specifically for St. Patrick's day, as evidenced three years ago. Today I had Abel with me and he was on the phone, so I thought it would be a bad idea to roll the windows down. I still would've switched the A/C on for the drive home. It's going to be a nice, warm year. We're one day ahead of schedule.

I started my new job today. Yes, I work in the same building and yes, I'm still officially a "sound engineer;" but this time I'm completely away from the dull nightmare that is The FreeCapitalist Project. Now I just have to do what I've always done, but with a Mac. Good thing I brought this one home to practice on.

On the way home today I passed one of those company signs with the moving crawl that gives time and temperature as well as other announcements and ads. As I read it, I passed through an overpass or something so the salutation part of one message was cut off and I only caught the end of the next message. To me, the sign said, "Hell... apply within."

how to live in salt lake city on 130 dollars a day

So Maria and I have been wondering where all our money has been going. Each of us decided to keep track of our own money for a week. Here's my personal report:

Monday, 5 March
$95.46 -- cable/internet bill is due!
$22.95 -- I got an email from amazon informing me that the ridiculously expensive deluxe cd/dvd reissue of Depeche Mode's Black Celebration just went up for pre-order. I got 20% off, but after shipping it still came to the aforementioned price. I love their music, but they can really really skewer their fans. I've thought about making that a post in itself after also buying the re-issues of Speak & Spell, Music for the Masses, Violator and Songs of Faith and Devotion.
$21.46 -- gasoline
$25.85 -- Smith's grocery shopping. I think I got aluminum foil and eggs.

Tuesday, 6 March
$420.00 -- rent (one day late)!
$12.00 -- solo lunch at Red Robin (souper sandwich combo (whiskey chicken and tortilla soup)). I love eating solo, but I hate tipping solo. What really sucks is that usually the server doesn't know that I have guilty solo tipping feelings, so they don't go out of their way to serve because they think I'll only tip 15% on an eight dollar meal.
$65.00 -- Monica's birthday dinner at Ichiban. It was Maria, Monica and me. We split three sushi rolls: the X96, the lotus and (I think) the dynamo. We also had them specially make us some katsudonburi which isn't on the menu anymore. The service was exemplary and Monica took us to Hard Rock for dessert later that night.

Wednesday, 7 March
$198.20 -- while driving to Provo my front passenger tire exploded. I strangely fixed it all by myself. I was wondering when a cop was going to show up and help, but it's a good thing it didn't happen because surely the authorities would have found all the illegal fireworks in my trunk. Anyway, I had to get a new tire at Big O and asked them to re-align. Apparently they didn't do a good job last time because I was feeling a lot of vibration which, in hindsight, must have been the bad tire rubbing up against the car somewhere.

Thursday, 8 March
$1.00 -- went window shopping at the Gateway Mall, but mistakenly gave the parking guy one my spare movie validations instead of a normal validation. The movie validations only reduce
the parking fee to a dollar. As usual, I felt too dumb to hand him another validation so i coughed up the dough.

Friday, 9 March
$0.00 -- stayed inside all day, afraid to spend money.

Saturday, 10 March
$1.77 -- after helping someone with a stinky cat move, I had to curb my coughing with a bottled o.j. at the local gas station.
$25.31 -- local gas
$6.78 -- quick Smith's stop to nab sandwich turkey, Swiss cheese and Ritz crackers
$3.00 -- in a car making a McDonald's run. I get something small: 6 chicken mcnuggets. Doing the math I discover that it's 50 cents a mcnugget.

Sunday, 11 March
$0.00 -- fortunately I was sick in bed. Otherwise the Church would have milked a few pretty pennies from me since both tithing and fast offerings were due.

i owe you a couple of pictures

Here's the story of our bout at The World Series of Pop Culture that I promised:
Also, I'm only now recovering from my XXX birthday party. One thing I forgot to mention, though, is that ever since I was a kid I started a tradition to carry a 1977 quarter in my pocket on my birthday and then tape it into my journal that night. Every year I was pretty hit and miss with the concept. For the past few years my public blog has pretty much overtaken my private journal and I've written next to nothing in it. As a result I'm posting the 1977 quarter I carried with me the night of my 30th birthday.
Btw, because of this tradition I collect 1977 quarters. And this one is my very last one. If you know of any, let me know (or I guess with the advances of the digital age I could just post the same one every year).

wiini wiidi wiici

Finally! Wii footage! Here is the inaugural two-player tennis game played by Rhett and me. I must point out that by this time Rhett had amassed a tennis ranking of over 2000 while my ranking was at a measly 600. It was like David vs. Agassi Goliath.

don't trust me seven days ago

Ok, I'm going to commit myself. I'm finally going to post some photos from my birthday party a week ago. As I type this, I don't have access to the photos since I'm at work, but at least it'll sort of guarantee that I'll do it sometime tonight (so if you actually check this out between 5:30 and an undisclosed time a few hours after that you won't actually see any photos below).

Cinnamon did a great job getting most of the candids and my still-unnamed iMac took the photos of the t-shirts.

help a brotha and sista out... they're not related... yet

My friends Sally and Tim are getting married. Yay!

Anyway, real quick I just need to mention that they get a FREE WEDDING if you vote for them at this site here:

http://www.bridalguide.com/sweeps/brideoftheyear/BrideOfTheYear.cfm

Apparently, you can vote as many times as you want and the voting stops tomorrow, so get crackin'!

(Sorry I didn't post this earlier, Sal)

a birthday gift from page and brin

TONS of photos of my wonderful birthday are on the way.

In the meantime, here's something worth mentioning real quick. About a week ago, I discovered that after what, three years I think, my website finally wound up as the top hit when you search "jon madsen" in Google.

At least that was the case a week ago. I just checked a minute ago and I'm not numero uno anymore. Perhaps now that my birthday is over, the folks at Google bumped me down to number 2 (after a "john," nonetheless). Maybe they took my advice not to trust me after 30.

housekeeping you want mint for pillow?

I'm not adding anything to my blog right now. I'm merely deleting. My 'links' space is getting a bit bloated, so I'm just gonna clean it up a little bit. I may have taken your link off. Don't be offended! If you want me linking to you, I totally will. For the time being, I think I'll link to people who comment on my blog and then start the whole process over again next month.

oscar hopes with an hour and fifteen mintues to spare

I was pretty rushed with this, so I'm only going to focus on what I want to win, not what will actually win. It was still pretty hard to figure that out though, since there were only a few Oscar-contender movies that I actually saw this past year (Little Miss Sunshine, Dreamgirls, The Queen, Monster House, Pirates of the Caribean: Dead Man's Chest, The Prestige, The Illusionist, Marie Antoinette, An Inconvenient Truth, Superman Returns). As a result, I have to go a lot on what trusted friends and critics have said about these films (and sometimes just titles alone).

Screenplay -- Adapted
Children of Men

Screenplay -- Original
Little Miss Sunshine

Visual Effects
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest

Sound Mixing
Dreamgirls

Sound Editing
Apocalypto

Short Film -- Live Action
West Bank Story

Short Film -- Animated
No Time For Nuts

Original Song
"Patience" -- Dreamgirls

Original Score
Pan's Labyrinth

Makeup
Pan's Labyrinth

Foreign Language Film
Pan's Labyrinth

Film Editing
The Departed

Documentary Short
Recycled Life

Documentary Feature
Jesus Camp

Costume Design
Marie Antoinette

Cinematography
Children of Men

Art Direction
Pan's Labyrinth

Animated Feature
Monster House

Supporting Actress
Jennifer Hudson

Leading Actress
Helen Mirren

Supporting Actor
Eddie Murphy

Leading Actor
Peter O'Toole

Directing
The Departed

Best Picture
Little Miss Sunshine

stuff i'd like for my birthday

Here are some dvds of TV shows I totally wouldn't mind owning:

The Prisoner
Star Trek -- The Animated Series
Cowboy Bebop: The Complete Sessions
Eerie Indiana
Family Ties
Red Dwarf
The Twilight Zone

I don't have time right now to provide Amazon links, but you shouldn't have too hard a time finding these (with the exceptions of The Prisoner (a weird British show from the 60s) and The Complete Sessions of Cowboy Bebop (I've seen the episodes sold separately for a pretty high fee, but I know they have all episodes on only three discs somewhere).

I also need a zip-up comfortable black ninja hoodie. My old one is really wearing out.

A really really nice thing to do would be to go over to my house, get your credit card out and put some buying points on my Wii so that I can buy some old school Nintendo and Sega games.

There are still a couple of things from my Christmas list that I didn't get (don't get me a Wii or a Zune). Prepare to spend a bundle!

Since I eat out pretty much every day, some restaraunt gift cards would be really swell.

But of course, surprises are the best. You can really surprise me with geeky books or movies of some kind. Most people who know me know I'm a geek. What they don't know, however, is I'm secretly WAY geekier than I let on.

Remember my party this Tuesday!

EDIT: I totally forgot a huge item that I want... another Wii remote. My clan has been aching to play two player tennis since DAY ONE!

catch some v.d. for '07

Hey wow! I just realized that my last post was my 100th! Good job me!

I meant to post the following a week ago. For the record, I had a pretty nice Valentine's Day. I convinced Maria to stay in and we stayed in with takeout and watched Lost (this is the third entry in a row to reference Lost (how pathetic)).

Anyway, for the first time in four years I made a Valentine's cd. It used to be something I did every two years, but for whatever reason I didn't put the effort in since 2003. Here's the playlist. Notice the cinematic and television quotes. Thanks to Garageband, I was able to sneak a few gems of dialogue in. See if you can tell where the quotes come from.

1. ("You're asking me out? That's so cute! What was your name again?")
"Trouble Sleeping" by Corinne Bailey Rae

2. ("It's just void... Maybe she's retarded")

3. "Human Nature" by Michael Jackson

4. ("...this girl's really turning me on!")
"Damn Girl" by Justin Timberlake

5. ("Who're you?" "Whoever you want me to be.")
"Rabbit and the Moon" by Joseph Arthur

6. ("...Besides, you're a Romulan")
"I Want to be the Boy to Warm Your Mother's Heart" by The White Stripes

7. ("I can't believe my grandmother actually... " "What's happenin' Hot Stuff?")
"Into Temptation" by Crowded House

8. ("We're not mass married...")
"I Wanna Get Married" by Nellie McKay

9. ("... we can always get divorced")
"Europa and the Pirate Twins" by Thomas Dolby


10. ("... you're a hottie!...")
"Woman" by Wolfmother as performed by Jon Madsen, the Guitar Hero

11. ("Understand I was in love with the girl... or at least in lust")
"I Got You" by Split Enz

12. ("Let's go talk about our superior relationship...")
"Bang Bang (My Baby Shot Me Down)" by Nancy Sinatra

13. ("...I have fallen in like with you...")
"My Heart is Breaking Down" by Caesars

14. ("...A-ha! Black panties!...")

15. "You're Gonna Miss Me" by The 13th Floor Elevators

16. ("...Allergic? To Dancin'?...")
"Piano Song" by Erasure

17. ("Flash, I love you, but we only have 14 hours to save the Earth!")
"Goodnight Lovers" by Depeche Mode

So if you want a copy of the cd, shoot me an email. Maybe I can gift my playlist to you too.

as long as i'm talking about lost...

So whenever people talk about Lost with me they always ask, "Hey Jon, how did Michael and Walt boat off the island and Desmond couldn't?" I'll now provide the answer even though nobody has actually ever asked me that question.



I've provided a quick sketch of the island below. On it you should see icons representing the two pieces of the plane, Rosseau's house, the hatch and the Others' dock. More importantly, be sure to identify the large mountainy hill in the center of the island, Michael's boat and the black lines representing the electro-magnetic pull emanating from the hatch.

Feel free to click on the image to embiggen it during the following explanation. Desmond could not leave the island because some sort of force, like gravity, kept bringing him back. I assume that this force is concentrated at the hatch. We saw the full potential of the "hatch-pull" when the button on the hatch was not pushed. The pull was strong enough to bring a jet plane crashing straight into the island. Although the effects of the hatch pull are alleviated by the pushing of the button, its reach still has considerable power. While it's not bringing down jet planes, it is preventing boats from escaping. The hatch-pull effects aren't noticeable on the island itself (unless the button isn't pushed, in which case stuff goes flyin' everywhere), but are very noticeable for someone trying to escape. The hatch-pull, like a puddle ripple, actually gets stronger before it dissipates. This is shown on the drawing by the solid black semi-circle outside of the dotted semi-circles. Escape is possible, once outside the influence of the pull.

I used to play a really fun video game called Starcontrol that used a similar phenomenon. In the game you'd pilot a spaceship engaged in one-on-one space battles with an enemy. You and your nemesis always fought around some sort of gravity well, a moon or planet. Every once in a while you tended to get stuck in the planet's gravitational pull and needed to struggle to overcome it. This often brought your ship to a helpless halt while your enemy pretty much destroyed you. As I got better at the game, I discovered that when I could more easily get unstuck out of the gravity well if I thrusted in a parallel direction from the planet rather than perpendicular to it. When I got really good at the game I could actually use the planet's gravity to slingshot me away at a much greater speed than my ship was normally capable of. The Voyager Probe used a similar strategy when it traversed our solar system.

Okay, stay with me a little. Sailors are often in a similar situation when it comes to wind. They can't just sail against the wind, they need to tack sideways back and forth to head in that general direction. It's not necessarily gravity or wind, but I imagine a similar strategy would need to be used in boating away from the effects of the hatch-pull. Most of the hatch-pull could very well be strong enough that this strategy wouldn't work, but its effects might not be absolute over every location. This is where I theorize a large mountainous hill near to proximity to the hatch interferes with the hatch-pull ripple. The force of the hatch-pull still extends beyond the mountainous hill, but its effect is weakened. It might be just weak enough to allow Michael to tack alongside the weak force enough for his escape from the pull. I imagine if he boated directly away from the island, there would still be enough force to bring him back.

Desmond may have tried to tack with the island from time to time, but he would have been unsuccessful unless he did so at the perfect position in line with the hatch and the mountainous hill. Since The Others have control of that area, there is no possible way to boat off the island.

Does this mean that Michael and Walt are alive and well and back in the real world? Not likely. The Others couldn't let him get away and lead anybody else to their location. They at least need to keep tabs on him.

Will we see Michael and Walt again? Yes and no. Michael still ought to face those he betrayed. The kid who plays Walt is probably armpit-deep in puberty right now so they can't bring him back without another plot twist explaining how the kid suddenly became a teen-ager in 40 days. The plot twist would be reviled by the the viewership because it would be obvious that they invented it just because of the inconvenience of the actor's age. So if we hear of Walt again, it will be of his death.

This may all be moot though since the hatch imploded. Maybe that means there is no hatch-pull anymore and Michael got away for THAT reason. It would be hilarious if the hatch implosion actually aided Michael's escape and The Others suddenly have no idea where he and Walt went off to. That also means that the Oceanic passengers can now escape... if only they didn't get their boat taken away.

have i mentioned this before?

Don't you hate it when you see your ideas portrayed on television before you could even break into the medium? I say this in regard of the last episode of Lost. I need to hurry and comment on it before the new episode airs anyway.

When I was a kid I had a lot of deja vu. A lot. Seriously I recognized what it was several years before even learning the term. Of course, just learning what it was called didn't really explain it. Has anyone explained it? As far as I know, the first time anybody tried to explain the actual phenomenon to me was only relatively recently when I watched The Matrix for the first time. So as a kid, it was up to me to explain it. As far as I knew, I was the only one who ever experienced it and I came up with the most logical thing I could think of.

I figured that at some point in my distant future, I would come across a time machine or some kind of space-time anomaly. When you're a kid and the year 2000 was only 15 or so years away, such thinking was not too crazy. So anyway, through whatever time conveyance, I would become a time traveler and choose to go back in time. My reason for this would probably be to meet myself and give myself advice about life or something. Little would I realize that certain laws of matter would need to be obeyed and it wouldn't just be like Back to the Future where during my period in another time there would just be two of me. No. Instead I would just be transferred back into the body and consciousness of my former self, because I'd break a cosmic law of some sort if two of the exact same entity existed in the same universe. Now, since I inhabited the same consciousness as before I would have no memory of my time travel and would then continue my life all over again as if nothing happened. My future self would have absolutely no influence on how I re-lived my life up to the point that I re-discover the method of time travel. I would then make the exact same decision to go back in time and infinitely repeat the process. I would become immortal in the sense that I would never die, but damned to any sort of progression or relief from this life. Even if the universe ended at some point, it would be a point I would never come across.

Deja vu happened not because things merely seemed familiar, but because things were exactly the same. Somehow, in all the infinite loops, some shadows of past perception got clogged up in the mix. Of course, even a small change in perception could possibly lead to a change in action, but the concept itself frightened me a little. Even though my decisions wouldn't actually be determined by anyone but me, a sense of fate still pervaded the entire scenario.

So last Wednesday I see Lost and my concept is pretty much all right there. I'll never get my dues. What's worse is that I'll never get my dues over and over again.

Anyway, I'm curious how they play out this whole fate thing in the Lost universe. Fate really is an uncool device. The decisions characters make have no dynamic when they're supposed to make those decisions anyway. It pretty much takes away all the glee that comes with heroism and all the despair that comes with failure. What's left? Boredom. This whole situation with Desmond is pretty eastern religiony. The point of many eastern religions is that escape from the cycle of rebirths is not only possible, but ideal. Although, it would give me a lot of enjoyment if Lost totally teases the whole "overcoming fate thing" and then pulls the rug out. Suddenly we're left to realize that Desmond can't escape his destiny, Locke really can be told what he can't do and the others really are the good guys... but only because the victors write the history books.

By the way, I still can't explain deja vu, but I hardly ever have it anymore. Does that mean escaped my infinity crisis loop? Did all that deja vu actually change my actions? Did I actually overcome? Strangely, as the world gets less and less familiar, I wonder if whatever I've done has been for the good.