no hand job in the carpal tunnel of love

Toward the end of last week my job as a ladder manufacturing drone came crashing down when out of nowhere I lost sensation in my right hand.

Didn't think TOO much of it until the next day when my hand was still asleep. The doctor told me i still had strength enough in my digits, so he ruled out flat-out carpal tunnel and suggested it would go away in a day or two. After three more days of nothing improving I saw him again and he gave me one of those carpal tunnel gloves that Michael Jackson wore in the "Black or White" video. He said if I still have problems in three weeks there are some expensive, wasteful nerve tests to do after that.

I really hate that the last thing I remember feeling with my good hand is a rivet gun. And I'm pretty scared that the loss of sensation and dexterity will be something I'll have to learn to live with. No doubt I'm overdramatizing. I tend to worry even though nothing bad ever happens to me. I'm constantly considerably blessed. Of course maybe that means I'm due. Here comes the anxiety.

There is a long list of stuff I've been meaning to do that will be pretty difficult to accomplish now. I should have waded through the list long ago and should be working on a new set of stuff now. Alas, the timetables have turned. The comic strip will be a little while longer and family... your Christmas presents may arrive closer to Independence Day.

In the meantime I'm wondering what job I can do that doesn't seriously involve my right hand. About the only thing I can think of is stand-up comedian. Maybe I can develop my own genre. Sure people love laughing but is there any demand to see someone just be really depressing? I bet I could do that pretty well, because I can only think of one stand-up joke --

Hey everybody! Have you ever been driving around and seen those signs that say 'Caution: Children'? What's up with that? Like I'm gonna be afraid of a few kids? I'm in a car, what are they gonna do? I mean, I'm a small guy, but I think I can handle a few children... unless there are a lot of them... like there were last week. Wow. Those kids really walloped me good. Most of them just took off too. They could have at least driven me to the hospital. I guess they're kids right? They don't have cars. I had to beg this little girl to drive me to the ER in my car. By the way, any of you people see an 8-year-old Chinese girl driving a '98 Corolla? I had to walk here. Man, I can't believe she suckered me like that! You know, come to think of it, I'm really grateful for 'Caution: Children' signs.

Anyway, that's that. My hand is numb but late last night I thought I felt some feeling coming back. Don't notice it so much today, but maybe that's just the process. We'll see.

don't not get a day job

Just about everybody knows my desire to attend the Muse show tomorrow night. Since such things are no longer in my financial league, I pretty much gave up until Joe forwarded me information about the X96 design-a-Muse-poster-contest. I thought hey, what a good idea, I'll do it!

I also sent the info along to Roxy and she totally won. So that's cool.

Anyway, here's the one I did.

Here are the images I took from.

Notice that one of the items is the album cover to The Resistance, which is their recent one. I heard that much of the album is based on the novel 1984, so I tried to make the poster sort of like a propaganda type deal. Hence the wicked overuse of the "watercolor" filter. Also notice the individual hexes that have been dislodged from the original. They're supposed to be falling out of place from the big honeycomb thing. For some reason I don't think I was able to capture the falling phenomenon very well. I'm also wondering if I made the band too evil. I know for sure I should have revealed the drummer a little bit better. Maybe I should have gotten rid of the hex above his eye. And that fist! That fist is right out.

Alas...

ward aladdin movie

So the stake had this big film festival tonight (whoops, past midnight -- I guess yesterday). We found out about it a month ago and it was the bright idea of Roxy to do an Aladdin silent movie.



The ward gathered to film a week ago and then Roxy and I spent the weekend putting the thing together. Roxy drew ALL the backgrounds and also the rocks, clouds, lightning, cage, the palace, etc. Pretty darn cool. I envy her.

I must say the movie did turn out well, but there's a reason filmy people use a GREEN screen rather than a RED screen. People are a little more red, so sometimes the chroma keyer totally makes film subjects' skin disappear. Freaky looking indeed.

Anyway, as usual all involved were incredibly good sports and consummate professionals while I had a steady series of anxiety attacks.

Roxy put together the great credits sequence because so many people helped, but only five of them got any screen time. So the kudos are deserved. It was also her idea to give the villain a weird lisp -- which if anybody thinks is too un-PC... it was her idea.

Probably the biggest laugh we got during the screening was when Kathleen says her name is "Badroulbadour." As usual the biggest laugh from one of my little videos comes from a non-joke. According to Wikipedia anyway, that's the actual name of the princess in the story.

Anyway, it was waaaaay fun for me to really experiment with some stuff I haven't really gotten my hands dirty with like the chroma keying and also animation and split screen. So fun!

And thanks everyone who helped out! It's amazing how cool people are to do that.

bachelor party for joe evans! woooooo!

Actually, I'm not usually the kind of guy who yells "woooooo!"

Anyway, the bachelor party is TONIGHT since Joe's getting married... next week? Holy cow.

The festivities include a ROAST of the guy, which should be pretty good. The guy is living comedic material. We're going to broadcast the roast live through this thing called the INTERNET at about 7:00 I think.

Here's the live webcam Ustream link:
http://www.ustream.tv/channel/thejonblogcam

Mom, just so you know, your computer may have a hard time with the live video.

I realizing I'm capitalizing my letters a lot this post, but this is a one-time event.

If you're too lazy to click on the above link, I'll try to embed the Ustream live window and the chat box below:

Live TV : Ustream

my chemical salad

I'm only now realizing that I've fallen into a sort of "bad crowd." Mom always warned me to stay away from substance abusers. Despite her warnings, MOST of the people I hang around these days are diet soda drinkers.

Despite my protests, they're a determined lot. For years I've asked why they insist on the consumption. Usually the response is -- "Hey, let me be healthy! Not everyone has your metabolism you know!"

My obvious response is something like -- Hey! It's gross. It's not pleasurable. WATER tastes better. Not just that, but there's something in diet drinks that makes me ill. I think I sort of finally understand what Maria always used to tell me about Chinese food (that it gave her a headache and made her feel gross). If I chug a diet drink I get a serious headache. The stuff has a far negativer effect on me than mere sugar. Of course there is an outside chance that since everything I eat is sugar I'm having a weird reaction to NOT eating sugar, but I really don't think that's likely.

Anyway, I'm noticing this weird effect more and more because sometimes at crazy parties I accidentally partake in someone else's stash.

I have to bring all this up because late last night I ate a five-quart fruit bowl prepared by treatmaster Cousin Jen. She goes nuts with the treats and it was my secondary fuel for our mid-week Gears of War gamenight (primary fuel: Charlie Chow noodles). The fruit bowl was absolute ambrosia and shortly before I asked how she made it I began to notice a headache forming in my skull. Then she revealed the ingredients: fruit marinated in lime and sweetened with Splenda (TM).

Splenda? Despite my gratitude of the fruit salad's deliciousness, I couldn't help but whine to her a bit. I mean this is the woman who eats an entire package of Dots AND an entire package of Peanut Butter M&Ms AND an entire package of green sugar rings every single time I see her.

I say all this because we finished playing around 2 AM. Check when this post was posted. I STILL HAVEN'T GOTTEN TO BED. I went home exhausted, hurty and brittle -- but sleep completely escaped me. I only had two Mountain Dews. I blame the chemical salad.

This whole scenario is alarming to me -- not because I ate something containing Splenda and didn't realize it, but for the first time, I ENJOYED something containing Splenda. This may be my gateway, I don't know. Just to be sure, though, I asked Jen to prepare the chemical salad with Mountain Dew rather than Splenda next time around.

jon demand xiv: the 82nd annual oscar picks

Alright, so I had BIG plans to put text up showing all the nominees AND throw in some clips of some of the actors actually acting and stuff, but I somehow ran out of time and resources. I need all you people to see this before you leave work on Friday! I'm on deadline!

I'm watching the Oscars at my house on Sunday. If you'd like to join me you can, but this isn't a party or anything. I just love the Oscars and it's awesome to watch them with people who like watching them. If you do join me for the viewing please bring some munchies. And also make your munchies relatable to somehow to the Academy Award nominees this year. For example: you can bring blue nerds to commemorate Avatar or you can bring a "hurt locker" full of doritos.

Oh, and also bring us some refrigerator magnets.

treading through old age just fine

So my birthday party was a week ago today and I think I mentioned this on Twitter, but not here: I had a wonderful wonderful time!

Seriously, even though I'm probably too old to get gifts now, I can't believe how come through-able my friends totally are. The cards, the treats, the stuff I asked for that I didn't think I was gonna get but did anyway -- wow. Seriously.

The next day (my birthday) I spent time with the fam. That was awesome too. Low-key cooling down. Actually, the BYU game didn't help much -- but the dinner at Tucano's did. Bye bye belt!

Jon Demand XIII

Everyone remember my birthday party is Friday night at 8:10.

v.d. 2010

Oh crap is it Valentine's Day again already?

On Friday I attended Nick and Blair's wedding reception. Quite lovely. Quite! I made the mistake of chatting with friends for the first 45 minutes before finding the chicken sandwiches I heard were scrumptious. Catering took away the sandwiches by the time I got there. I was able to make the cake. It was very very good -- as was the candy bar. They had jelly bellies. I was really depending on those chicken sandwiches though. I hadn't had dinner.

All this weekend I've been packing in the candy. More than Halloween weekend. I love Valentine's candy, but it's made me weak and dizzy. I can't get enough of the sweetness, but the goodness that comes from the chicken sandwich would have been nice.

It's easy to want the sugar -- and it's easy to get. The nutrition is harder in both respects.

It's weird that Valentine's Day is back and I'm noticing all the sugar involved in the holiday. Is the sugar for all us people who don't have our chicken sandwich? Silly us. We should know that we don't deserve all that sugar -- and we ought to realize that we need to get there early for the chicken. Also, the chicken needs to be tended to. It's not just there for our wants -- only sugar does that (okay, the metaphor isn't making any sense anymore, I know).

Anyway, kudos to Nick and Blair for finding the chicken sandwich -- and so early in the weekend too!

Here is a video that better expresses everything I understand about love. It's a book trailer (yes, they make BOOK trailers now!) for some book called When the Bough Breaks (I think). It gets ESPECIALLY interesting at about 2:12.



Hmmm. That bad guy probably shouldn't have worn a hat with his name on it that day.

the big list!

Here is the list of 100 things I hope to do before I die. Perhaps by publishing it publicly I'll get help in achieving these things.

I don't wanna call it a bucket list. I started making this list a while before the movie came out. Plus, who's to say I can't get completely through this list and then make another list of 100 items before I die?

There are some obvious things that aren't on the list. For example: get married to the right person, spend quality time with my children, don't go to prison, etc. This list isn't the obvious. It's the extra-curricular -- yet still quite important to me.

I started making this list a few years ago, so SINCE I've started it, there have been a couple of things I've been able to check off. Checked off Items are identified by the strikethrough. For certain objectives, where applicable, I've tried to provide an explanation and/or proof of completion in the form of link, video, audio or picture.

Every few months I'll re-post to show how we're doing.

I also reserve the right to take off dumb things from the list and replace them with cooler things.

1. I will successfully Double Dutch


2. I will participate in a table top role-playing game.
3. I will publish a novel.

4. I will publish a comic book.

5. I will visit the Rijksmuseum in Amsterdam.

6. I will visit the Ginza of Tokyo.

7. I will appear on Jeopardy!

8. I will visit the Hagia Sophia in Istanbul.

9. I will record a pop song.

10. I will build a couch to my specifications.

11. I will eat four raw eggs when I wake up.

12. I will sell a painting of my own.

13. I will participate in the production of a feature-length movie.
EDIT: I will become an entry on IMDb.

14. I will meet the members of ABBA go on a date with Sheri Dew.

15. I will meet the members of Depeche Mode.

16. I will thwart a supervillain's plans.

17. I will see The White Stripes perform live.

18. I will visit Ancient Mycinae and gaze upon the face of Agamemnon.

19. I will read Ulysses by James Joyce.

20. I will name a sandwich.


21. I will win a game show (maybe not necessarily Jeopardy! but a game show nonetheless).

22. I will develop a video game

23. I will visit Sweden and meet a lovely native.

24. I will write a New York Times crossword puzzle.

25. I will eat everything on the Mimi's Cafe menu.

26. I will do 30 pull-ups in a row.

27. I will stay awake for 50 hours.

28. I will attend a bar-mitzvah.

29. I will juggle four objects.

30. I will longboard one mile.

31. I will solve a Friday New York Times crossword puzzle.

32. I will travel the length of historic Route 66.

33. I will participate in the Star Trek Experience at the Las Vegas Hilton.


34. I will watch every one of the AFI top 100 movies.

35. I will get to the hidden screen on the Commodore 64 game Space Taxi.
I haven't actually watched the following video yet, but it might show the mystery screen. Don't tell me what the mystery screen is... yet.


36. I will go through an average day completely without sight.

37. I will throw something into lava.

38. I will ride a unicycle.

39. I will get those weird things off my foot.

40. I will clean out my Yahoo email.

41. I will beat Mark Browning at tennis.

42. I will Karate Kid crane kick a guy (or girl).

43. I will make a movie with an exploding car/building where a character is walking toward the camera in slow motion.

44. I will read the first 500 issues of Uncanny X-men.

45. I will Heely the length of the Broadway Theatre parking lot.

46. I will attend a taping of Saturday Night Live.

47. I will convince someone that I'm a time traveler -- preferably after actually traveling through time.

48. I will hotwire a car or motorcycle and drive off.

49. I will attend a Star Trek convention.

50. I will complete the Ninja Warrior obstacle course.


51. I will eradicate the phrase "that was two hours I'll never get back" from society.

52. I will fly a plane (helicopter probably counts).

53. I will prove that it's possible to truthfully say "I am an extremely humble person."

54. I will lie on a bed of nails.

55. I will perfect the moonwalk.

56. I will run onto a football field after (or during) a game.

57. I will deep-fry a turkey.

58. I will defeat someone in a quick-draw gun duel.

59. I will play keytar in a band performance.

60. I will recover a small animal and care for it in a shoebox until it is well and can be released into the wild again.

61. I will use a defibrillator on someone.

62. I will lob a live grenade.

63. I will have a conversation in Klingon.

64. I will go scuba diving.

65. I will get slapped for being cheekily inappropriate.

66. I will play through all the Forgotten Realms Gold Box video games.

67. I will hang from the skids of a helicopter.

68. I will score a musical piece using a theramin.

69. I will figure out how to tie a bow tie.

70. I will discover a significant astronomical object.

71. I will dunk a ball on a regulation hoop (can be a tennis ball).

72. I will DJ an event using turntables.

73. I will transcribe the entire Book of Mormon.

74. I will find out what's underneath Cobra Commander's mask.

75. I will finish reading an entire book while inside the Barnes and Noble.

76. I will eat with chopsticks better than with a fork.

77. I will cut a baseball in half with a samurai sword.

78. I will barge in and stop a wedding.

79. I will tie bedsheets together and climb out a window.

80. I will eat so much sushi I throw up.

81. I will write a believable television show script.

82. I will LARP.

83. I will see someone's pants get sucked into the top of an escalator.

84. I will win some kind of public election.

85. I will meet a celebrity I don't like and tell them what I think of their work.

86. I will find a four-leaf clover.

87. I will talk on one of those prison phones where you see the other guy through the glass.

88. I will don a Darth Vader costume.

89. I will become an entry on Wikipedia.

90. A girl will sing "Midnight" by Yaz to me.

91. I will perform my stand-up routine.

92. I will achieve weightlessness.

93. I will figure out the Rubik's Cube pattern.

94. I will become mostly vegetarian (I'll still eat fish -- Jesus liked fish).

95. I will grow a mohawk.

96. Someone from all 50 states will view my blog.
C'mon Alaska and Delaware! C'MON!!!

97. I will sport a mullett.

98. I will be able to put all of my worldly possessions into my '98 Toyota Corolla.

99. I will karaoke "Father Figure" by George Michael.

100. I will give my daughters middle names.

groundhog day post #3

Wait a second! I've seen A Serious Man! I must've gotten it mixed up with A Single Man. Cool. Well, that's one more movie I don't need to see.

Groundhog Day Post #2

Okay, I finally remembered the third thing! Today the video game Star Trek Online is released. I can understand why I didn't remember since I have sort of a spit-personality when it comes to my online self. I guess that shows how screwed up I am. Most people have split personalities in real life. Anyway, I probably sub-consciously figured that such information would be more useful on the Star Trek blog and podcast.

Anyway, I probably won't get the game. At least for now. I've never played any of those role-playing games with all the other people online (read: World of Warcraft). I hear they're fun, but it's one more monthly fee I certainly can and need to live without. Perhaps later.

Anyway, the Oscars were announced.

It pretty much went how I thought. Morgan Freeman was foolish to think Invictus was one of the ten best movies of the year. Would've been nice if Star Trek made the list for best picture. Maybe they could've bumped The Blind Side, An Education, A Serious Man or even that other sci-fi movie District 9. Oh well though. Actually, I also was hoping to see (500) Days of Summer on the list too. Dang. Maybe it was only eligible for last year because it wasn't nominated for anything else.

Of course the movies of former married couple of Kathryn Bigelow and James Cameron (The Hurt Locker and Avatar) were each nominated for nine. Oooooh! I hope there are lots of snarky comments in whosever acceptance speech.

Anyway, now begins my push to see all the major Oscar movies before the ceremony. Still need to see The Blind Side, A Serious Man, Crazy Heart, The Last Station and foremost Up in the Air. Has anybody heard of the movie The Secret of Kells? It's nominated in the animated category. Hmm. I bet it's avant-garde and unique.

Punxutawny Phil said more winter. Okay, let's watch this. I don't think he'll be right. In fact, I think the rodent is just messing with us.

Lost hasn't happened yet.

the best groundhog day ever!

So this year the Oscar nominations are happening on Groundhog Day.

The big deal this year is that there are ten movies nominated for best picture instead of just five. It could cause problems. People may vote for more of their personal favorites instead of what they find obvious and the splintering could cause a mediocre title to get the prize. Also, people complain about how long the ceremony goes -- honoring twice as many movies for the most important award surely won't make things go quicklyer.

Still though, the previews of the best picture nominees are one of my favorite things about the ceremony. If it's longer because of more clips, I won't be disappointed at all. Also it will be exciting to see some of my favorite movies get nominated. If there weren't ten, I doubt both Inglourious Basterds and Up would get that sort of credit, but I think there's a good chance it'll happen for both.

The other big thing is that Kathryn Bigelow is a shoe-in for a nomination for best director. Most people who bet on these sorts of things say she's the hands-down favorite for winning the whole thing. If that's the case, hopefully James Cameron, her ex-husband, will be nominated too so that she can shove the Oscar right in his face. Actually, I guess it would be an even bigger burn if he wasn't even nominated, but surely he will be.

Okay, so we also got Lost premiering its final season on Groundhog Day.

The last season was probably my least favorite, even though its really bizarre time travel ruckus was quite popular with people less geeky than I. Good for them.

I simply don't know what to say about it now though. The hydrogen bomb blew up last season, right? I guess conceivably they could end the story and in a gigantic "screw you" to the audience they could just introduce new characters and tell a completely different story for their contractually guaranteed final season.

This I'll promise you: we will not be satisfied with the final episode of Lost. If the last 14 episodes is just Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse sitting in a chair explaining in detail all the questions, there still wouldn't be enough time to make sense of everything and wrap it all up. We'll see what happens in the premier though.

I swear there's something else that needs to be mentioned -- besides Punxutawney Phil. Speaking of Phil though, I never take notice of what the groundhog sees. Has anybody noticed if Punxutawney Phil has been averaging above .500 on his predictions? I'd like to know.

Anyway, Joe tells me February 2nd is also Super Bowl Media Day. That's true, but I don't think it's what I'm thinking of (go Indianapolis btw). I think it's more of a real-life kind of thing. If you think of it, tell me.

i saw the decade in when it seemed the world could change at the blink of an eye

The above Bloom County cartoon appeared in newspapers at the beginning of the 80s. I guess now that we're starting a new decade it popped into my head. Most Bloom County books are out of print, but fortunately a new collection has just been published. I was able to painstakingly and suspiciously photograph the cartoon while in the bookstore. Anyway, I like this particular comic especially in the context that it was predicting how the future decade would be.

I've noticed that the beginnings of decades tend to be far more interesting than the ends.

Let's look at the beginnings of the three decades I've lived through.

1980 was an incredible year. My two favorite movies came out: Flash Gordon and The Empire Strikes Back. Also, The Shining came out which is one of only five movies that scares me.

Musically, New Wave in 1980 was in full swing as a sort of pop mutation of punk. New Wave had a very specific look and attitude that was very missing from the more polished second half of the 80s. I think the fact that New Wave happened at the beginning of the decade was no coincidence. A new decade is almost like a frontier to explore. At the beginning of the 80s we were threatened by nuclear war so lots of the music I think tried to advance to the future faster than was necessary. That's why lots of the 80s is remembered for cheesy futuristic synths and space-age looks. We laugh at that kind of stuff now, but at the time (and I remember!) the 80s were awesome. It WAS like living in the future even though everything about the 80s is extremely dated now. It wasn't SO much fun in the second half of the decade though. A little stale I suppose.

Anyway, then the 90s came. The title of this post is from a song lyric from the early 90s. Remember the song? I got the lyrics from one of my favorite sites called songmeanings.net. At the site, beneath the lyrics to songs people can comment on what the song means to them. Green Day and Fallout Boy have hundreds of comments to most of their songs. The song that the title of this post stemmed from though? Only four comments. It was the band's most popular song and IT WAS HUGE at the time. Why only four comments for a song I remember as being popular? I think it's because the song didn't come to represent what 90s music is traditionally remembered for. The comment section for Nirvana has a hundred times more posts.

Okay, that took forever to say. Anyway, grunge was big in the 90s, which is weird because what did we have to feel bad about in the 90s? Communism was dead and people weren't flying planes in buildings yet. It's almost like there was an insecurity in security. Grunge stopped being big on April 5, 1994. The second half of the decade wasn't nearly as defined or interesting. Grunge started the decade revolution in the early days and Nu Metal let the revolution wind down in the later days.

The '00s are harder for me to define. All I know is that at the beginning of the decade people bought cds and at the end they didn't. Maybe it was too recent or maybe I'm just too old and I don't know what you kids listen to anymore.

The point is that there is an energy that comes at the beginnings of decades that is palpably exciting. This energy yielded True Colours by Split Enz in 1980, Badmotorfinger by Soundgarden in 1991 and De Stijl by The White Stripes in 2000.

The 80s had a futurist kind of energy. The 90s had a cynical kind of energy. So now the question is what is the energy that happens in the next decade?

Here is the very strange new Domino's Pizza promotional campaign called "The Pizza Turnaround":



Okay weird right? When I first started seeing the new Domino's commercials I laughed out loud because they were actually ADMITTING that their pizzas were crap. Of course all the rest of us already knew this. I never understood how Domino's kept in business. Best I can guess it's from all the people who buy pizza for a party who for some reason don't actually participate in the eating of the pizza.

But then I got to thinking: wouldn't it be great if I don't have to NOT eat Domino's Pizza anymore? If whenever I got free pizza at an event that I snuck into and someone was gracious enough to give me free pizza I didn't give them a dirty look?

I'm excited for Domino's. I'm excited for the new decade. I like to think that maybe this decade will have some kind of "positive honest energy." It will be nice. I envy kids today. While i was growing up in the 90s we were conditioned to scoff at things and take things ironically. I think the new energy will be free of cynicism. It'll be cool -- at least for four or five years.

the top 50 movies of the decade!

As I'm typing this I'm rolling with the waves of the Carnival cruise ship Elation. It's about 75 cents a minute, so I don't think I'm going to finish this list before the new decade begins. However, since I'm starting this post on the 30th (I think that's today), it should pop up as my final post of the 2000s.

I've noticed on Twitter lately that people are sick of lists. I can't get enough of them, obviously. Plus the decade thing only happens maybe seven or eight times in a lifetime, so I seriously have a sense of duty to make a list such as this one. Here we go, get ready to disagree:

50. The Wrestler
This movie totally validated my fear that professional wrestlers are people too. Hey, just because it's fake it doesn't mean it's not obliterating bodies and breaking up families!

49. The Hurt Locker
Here's actually the first movie ever to use pretty severe shaky-cam (where the camera itself isn't a character) that didn't bug me. In fact, it was a terribly effective use of it. Way to make a good war movie focusing on individual psychology.

48. The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
I wasn't actually a super big fan of the Lord of the Rings movies, but some mention needs to be made of their achievement. I think the first one was far better than the other ones. Far less WETA-oriented. The CGI came a long way with these films but it was way toned down in Fellowship and was far more immersive for me. Plus, there was this incredible forest tracking shot in the end that was quite breathtaking.

47. Meet the Parents
I told my mom and soon-to-be stepdad to see this one and it nearly derailed the wedding. Nevertheless I think this movie really birthed the decade's trademarked method of "awkward" humor. Of course I'm WAY sick of that humor type now.

46. Memento
Ehcysp eht sa llew sa dlrow eht ot liated gnitaicurcxe htiw taht riap. Dekrow taht kcimmig a s'ti.

45. Juno
Had a lot of fun with the "food baby" quoting for a good while, but I didn't really appreciate how well it was written until Maria and I discovered that we saw the characters in two completely different ways depending on our points of view.

44. School of Rock
I'm not a Jack Black hater, but he can be used wrong. I think he was used correctly here -- a manic high voltage humor dynamo with a sweet amount of heart. Plus, what better messenger to bring the message of the exhilaration that comes with rock 'n roll to children?

43. Serenity
Personally, I like the television show more, but the movie fleshed out lots of stuff I wanted to know from the series. If you don't think a science fiction movie with a huge branch in the old west cowboy genre can be cool, you're wrong. You may just need to face a fact you never considered -- you yourself may not be cool.

42. The Fast and the Furious
Didn't think I'd love this movie much, but somehow it got hold of every speck of what little frat-boy, fast cars, loose women aspects in me and totally fired on all cylinders.

41. Casino Royale
Hey, I love most all James Bond movies, but the gritty reboot made me actually look forward to 20 more.

40. Watchmen
I would have liked the director to have taken more chances, but this thing is a fine fine adaptation of my favorite graphic novel. Sometimes a flipbook set of photocopies based on a wonderful painting can offer its own form of exhilaration.

39. No Country for Old Men
There is a reason why movie makers don't take chances with storytelling conventions and plot structure. They work. Why mess with them? The result might not work. This one worked though. Oh man it worked.

38. Grindhouse
This is technically two movies, but the experience was pretty sweet. Too bad I saw a mall theater on a Thursday night with five other five people instead of at midnight in a seedy theater packed with miscreant scum.

37. Hellboy
I came into this superhero movie late. Saw it on dvd last year I believe. Loved it though. Loved that world. Sort of pulpy like Indiana Jones with some new-school comic supernatural irony thrown in.

36. The Royal Tenenbaums
Lots of fans of Wes Anderson consider this one his weakest. I think it's the only one worth watching at all and the one that actually sorta touched me.

35. High Fidelity
Obsessing over girls. Obsessing over music. Obsessing over lists. I like this movie.

34. The Departed
What a wonderful combination of good guys vs. bad guys but from both sides and with good and bad totally blurred for us and for the characters. Plus Marky Mark is freaking amazing.

33. The Diving Bell and the Butterfly
You may not have heard of this, but the story is told through the single eye of a guy completely paralyzed. We see his vision and his memories and it's stunningly beautiful.

32. Austin Powers in Goldmember
I know this seems a little lowbrow, but I liked the third Austin Powers movie was 20 times more hilarious than the other two. "There's only two things I hate in this world. People who are intolerant of other people's cultures and the Dutch."

31. 24 Hour Party People
This sort of has a documentary feel to it, but is mostly acted out like a mockumentary -- even though the events actually happened. Sometimes they break a few rules -- like sort of a surreal-umentary. Anyway, this is the story of Factory Records -- the record company in Manchester in the 70s and 80s. Amazing music: Joy Division, Happy Mondays and eventually New Order. One of the reasons I want a time machine is to visit that era and location.

30. Pieces of April
Best Thanksgiving movie ever. Makes me cry and believe in family.

29. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
Best book. Best movie. Easy. Suddenly, amazingly Harry Potter's world seemed believable. Plus I totally dig the unique play on introducing the new character with questionable actions through the entire movie -- keeping the main characters, and us, in the dark.

28. Training Day
Not even close to a horror movie, but may have been one of the scariest movies I've EVER seen. That scene in the bathtub? Yikes. Remember how there was a big fuss about Denzel beating Russel Crowe for A Beautiful Mind that year? Pffft. No question. Denzel was all over this. King Kong's got nothing on him.

27. New York Doll
How very strange. Here's a Mormon movie that actually sorta touched me a little. Watch it if you haven't. I think you'll be surprised. Excellent rock lesson too.

26. Star Trek
Obviously this is on the list. I mean, I run a Star Trek podcast for cryin' out loud. I'll just say that I'm glad they took a few chances with this one. Different direction, but they definitely CARED about it. Surprisingly this thing had a bunch of the same writers for the new Transformers movies. They royally screwed up what was my entire life from 1984 to 1987, but at least I still got Star Trek carryin' on.

25. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
Can I use the word legendary? I actually mean it like I got the feeling that the tale truly was a legend -- even though I had just heard it (and I'm pretty sure it's not centuries old or anything (although I did do a quick internet search and discovered that the author of the book it's based on died in 1977 -- so there's a chance the story is almost 100 years old)). Anyway, out of all the movies on my list, this is the easiest one to use the word beautiful on. It's like dancing perfectly with the most beautiful person to the most beautiful music.

24. The Fall
Okay, maybe I spoke too soon on doling out the official beautiful ranking. This sucker's just about the most visually arresting thing I've ever seen. Much thanks to Lucia for being my supplier for this one.

23. The King of Kong
This may be one of the most entertaining documentaries I've ever seen. It's about two guys playing video games, but it's strangely accessible even to people who consider the subjects complete losers. The doc somehow goes beyond that. Even if you have a life, you can't help but cheer on Steve and boo and hiss Billy.

22. Match Point
Quite effective. Here's an intriguing Woody Allen movie. Half the people I know would never think of seeing one of his films (and never ever will), but if his name weren't in the credits for this one they'd never even know it was him. The film is slow and long (his longest), but it's an amazing subtle whirlpool of descent.

21. Slumdog Millionaire
I'll use the word beautiful again -- even the poverty was beautiful in that it was beautifully captured (and thus more poignant). Hey we all saw this. We all cheered.

20. Love Actually
Would you believe I just saw this for the first time like a month ago? Not a moment too soon either. Way to cram romance in as another necessary theme of Christmas! Mission accomplished!

19. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
I actually don't always like Charlie Kauffman's writing. This one though was tremendous to me. A love story about hurt and purging -- and the knowledge that just forgetting about things doesn't erase their existence.

18. Role Models
As the decade wore on humor became more and more about cynicism and irony. This movie began a welcome trend to reverse that. Yes it's absolutely hilarious. Yes it's dirty. But, in the end it's absolutely feel good. Can you imagine the restraint of not taking cheap shots at Larpers?

17. (500) Days of Summer
This is sort of a guys' chick flick. It's a story that needed to be told. We've all been there and it was simply so lucid to see it played out. Plus, I heard that they purposely used a blue filter to film with to bring out Zooey Deschanel's eyes. Zowie.

16. Inglourious Basterds
In a lot of ways this may be Tarantino's most accessible film. Surely it's the most linear. Personally I think the guy's desired themes are far more structured nowdays -- and well layered underneath the mounds of dialogue. I think this is one we'll be talking about years from now and what the thing is actually saying (after we cool down from that crazy Nazi butt-kicking sequence at the end).

15. The Dark Knight
Who would have thought that Jack Nicholson's amazing game-changing interpretation of The Joker would be so amazingly replaced by Heath Ledger's? Thank goodness such a creature can only exist in films and in our nightmares (I mean think about it -- the guy's most cherished value is anarchy, randomness and chaos, but there's no chance he'd be able to pull off what he accomplishes in the movie without the most meticulous and ordered series of events ever). Anyway, we also get a great fleshing of character in Commissioner Gordon. Plus, the story arc and the rising/falling character progression is really all about Harvey Dent. Such a wonderful crowd of characterization in a tense, lively action movie! Oh yeah, also Batman's in it.

14. The Incredibles
Here's when I think Pixar really started flying off the rails out of wonderful children's whimsy and into something wonderfuller. Although it's still obviously cute I really took this movie seriously as a comic-action movie. I could tell the folks knew their superhero lore too. Combination of Watchmen and Fantastic Four and better than both (at least film-wise).

13. Unbreakable
Another superhero movie. I found this to be a fascinating exploration of pre-heroism psychology if that makes any sense. Here's a guy who doesn't even really know he's a hero. I think he doesn't even know he's a good guy. It certainly works both ways.

12. Moulin Rouge!
A straight up musical that utilizes every edge and weight of classic pop songs. Confession. I never heard "Your Song" by Elton John until I saw this. How did that happen? I blame the world. How is it possible that I never heard that song until I saw Moulin Rouge? Now that and 20 other songs I'll fondly remember that song and 20 others as a part of this wonderful heart-breaking love story.

11. X2
Another superhero movie. Lame title aside, this might be my favorite superhero movie. Perhaps it doesn't hurt that I own the first 500 issues of Uncanny X-Men. Nightcrawler is one of my favorite characters of anything ever. Also a clincher -- just when I thought they'd play it safe, Wolverine gets out his claws and just goes nuts on some U.S. soldiers. Take that Comics Code Authority!

10. The Ring
I was entertained all throughout, but it wasn't until I got home at one in the morning that night that I realized that The Ring was the only horror movie all decade that legitimately scared me.

9. The Prestige
Too bad there aren't more summer movies like this one. Not an action movie, but a grand fantastical period piece about extreme obsession in science and magic. The conflict is threaded together with a half dozen dualities. Fact and fiction all twisted together into science and illusion. This type of speculative fiction is what movies were made for.

8. Shaun of the Dead
Much thanks to Jen for lending me this gem last year. Since then, I've seen it three more times. Lemme just mention something about Edgar Wright. I think for most people comedy is simply writing. Tell some joke. Make people laugh. Wright is a meticulous master of comedic directing. It's the attention to detail, the timing and the realism of his direction that makes this comedy so funny and not just jokes.

7. Donnie Darko
I love this movie with very little defense for it. When people tell me they hate it, and then explain why, I'm forced to agree. It doesn't make much sense. It's easy to make fun of. I just enjoy watching it so much though. It's a strange nonsensical world that I just immerse myself in. It's like having a weird dream and then talking about it as fast as you can before you forget it. Killer soundtrack helps. Opening shot to the sounds of Echo and the Bunnymen puts a smile on my face right from the beginning.

6. Mean Girls
It is so fetch!

5. Kill Bill Vol. 2
Lots of people liked this one more than volume 1 more. With good reason I think. Very well put together. The fight with Ellie in the trailer is amazing/rockin'/funny. Plus, the confrontation combined with the complexities of... actually I better not talk about it if you haven't seen volume 1.

4. Once
I don't tend to like the type of music in this movie, but seeing these non-actors earnestly tell this amazingly simple story through the music is simply elating. Can't even explain it in words. I wish I could in music. Can't carry a tune though.

3. Kill Bill Vol. 1
This movie was an absolute gateway. After I saw this movie I fell in love with movies. Before this one I considered movies just enjoyable. Now movies are storytelling devices of infinite potential. Somehow, all the crazy elements: choreography, dialogue, music, editing, camerawork -- all of it came together, supplanted their own cheesiness, and created one of the grooviest experiences of my existence.

2. Wall-E
Maybe I'm ranking it a bit high, but once again kudos to Pixar for not just making a cartoon. I found it a great science fiction story. Also, a lot of weight is put on love stories with that killer, snappy dialogue -- as if it's the words that are so important in love. Hey, here's a wonderful love story that shows rather than tells.

1. Hot Rod
Okay okay okay. This is NOT the best movie of the decade. I had to pick something though so I may as well pick the movie I've seen the most times. Also it's a movie that I own and I think I know more people who own it than just about any other movie. Plus, it's a movie where, on more than one occasion during the decade, I demanded that we watch it IMMEDIATELY upon discovering that someone in the room hadn't seen it. Also, it's got the best seen it-to-loved it ratio than any movie I know. Thanks Hot Rod! My friends and I enjoyed all 23 times we watched you!

airing of grievances '09

I hope everyone had a pleasant Festivus today.

Light switches are still horrible. What gives with half of all bathroom light switches being OUTSIDE the bathroom? Who thought this was a good idea? Why is it constantly the case with bathrooms? Is it because it's easy to mess someone up from the outside of the bathroom? Is the reason just to play jokes on people? Also, my room has two light switches and they suck. First, "on" is "down" which is the opposite of how it should be, unless it's the southern hemisphere. Secondly, if I use one switch to turn the light off, I can't use the other one to turn the light on. I can use either to turn off, but once I do I'm committed. That's wrong.

I hate it when people see a movie and then say "well that's two hours I'll never get back!" as if they would have been doing charity work during that time or something. Good movie or bad movie, it's still sitting in a chair for two hours and you'll still live your life the same during and after. I love movies more than any other person on the planet, but I'm not sorry if you expected something truly life-changing. Plus, in this age we tend to love hating more than we love loving anyway.

Who invented the cd? I hate that Japanese guy (or jyo sei). For the most part, cds are okay, but it was a bad decision to have no protective built-in case for them. Remember floppy disks? They were housed in plastic and only a tiny portion was vulnerable. Now, cds have begotten dvds. The entire bottom surface gets scratched and dirty right when they're opened. "Hey, thanks for the dvd! Whoops! I dropped it. Now it doesn't play. Guess I'll just hit up Best Buy for another one!" I love Netflix, but everybody who watches the movies before I do doesn't care about my viewing experience. They're scratched to kingdom come so there is ALWAYS a scene I miss, especially when I watch them on the 360.

The Xbox 360 is horrible. I like it because there's one in my house and I can get Netflix streaming on it and there's Gears of War on it, but it's horrible. Half of them fail. Thank all heaven Microsoft isn't in the life-saving business.

(I'm eternally grateful our 360 hasn't failed.)

Daniel Faraday is a douchebag. First there's no chance to change the past, so why even try? Then, he suddenly realizes that when you go back in time, you become a variable to change the past. Have you never seen Back to the Future Faraday? We're counting on you to establish the rules. Don't make us think the writers are just making it up as they go. Okay, we know they are, but at least make it LOOK like they're not.

Persephone! Why did you eat those damned pomegranate seeds?

Hey Kevin Smith and Wes Anderson! I don't think you're very funny. I think you should stop being so sure of yourselves. You disappoint me.

Samus Aran, your alien power suit is no match for that one part of Metroid Prime that I can't get past. You know, with the guys with the dragonfly wings and you're supposed to knock out two separate generators and call in and air strike or something? Anyway, I've been stuck on that part for TWO FREAKING YEARS!

Twitter, the site is stupid for making me go way back in the archives to find the tweets I've missed. Listen Twitter. When I login, just give me an entire facing page of all the Tweets that have happened since I last logged in. It's very difficult to figure out when I'm away from my TweetDeck.

TweetDeck, you suck too. Sometimes I miss tweets because you only show the tweets that have occured since you've last been opened. It all starts over when I reboot or something. If I turn off the computer I have to make sure TweetDeck is all red and I hate being tied down like that.

High ceilings, you're not that cool! It just makes it hard for me to change light bulbs and put up the mistletoe.

Mistletoe! Why do I put you up every year? Do you work? No. In fact is there any other decoration that actually DISCOURAGES casual smooching more? NO!!!

J.J. Abrams, you're horrible for massifying Star Trek. Well, actually it's not that bad, but I still sort of prefer the good 'ol days.

Peter Nash and Joey Smith, you're in the list of grievances because somehow, SOMEHOW you're way bigger Star Trek dorks than I could ever hope to be.

I hate people who think they're being cute with me when they really aren't. Be cute. Just don't be cute with me. I may just want to smack you.

I hate Zooey Deschanel for looking hot ROUND THE CLOCK and for making me angry at girls because they get to wear dresses.

Read past airings of grievances:

2006

2007

2008

christmas to you (if you do what i say)!

I've said this on Twitter and Facebook already, so I'll say it here now.

I want to give you a Christmas present. It's small, but heartfelt. I just need from you -- your favorite movie. That's it. Don't stress about it. If you don't want to give me your favorite movie, just give me one you really like.

Comment, email, text, Tweet or Facebook me. Expect your gift sometime next month.

2009 movies correction #2

Looks like I also forgot to rank The Informant! I thought it was about the same as The Men Who Stare at Goats -- maybe a bit funnier since Damon dissolved into the role so well. It's now ranked between The Men Who Stare at Goats and Terminator Salvation.

Also, I forgot to put in the link to other years' top movie lists. Here they are:

2004

2005

2006

2007

2008

the strength of samson depleted

2009 Was going to be the year that I didn't get one haircut. Too bad my niece Amy had to go and get married this weekend.

Good luck Amy and Jason!

a couple of notes on the 2009 movie entry

First of all, the reason I posted it so early is because I'm currently out of town and away from my computer and wasn't sure if I'd finish it in time. Here's hoping I'm able to get the movies of the decade done on the road.

That means that all the movies I see on Christmas day (probably Up In the Air and/or Precious: Based on the Novel 'Push' by Sapphire) obviously won't be on my 2009 list. 'Tis a total shame, but I'm realizing I forgot at least two movies already. In 2009 I also saw Dead Snow and Taken. Both were two of my favorites and I'd probably put them at about 22 and 21 respectively.

Also, there were a couple of things in my head that I forgot to say about the movies I did see.

An Education -- I forgot to mention how awesome Rosamund Pike is in it. She plays the unenlightened girlfriend of the other guy. She plays stupid real well and you think she actually is stupid until she undercuts Carey Mulligan in a way that's plenty insulting, but not insulting enough for Carey to justifiably call her out. I guess girls are good at that kind of thing. This chick was a master.

Star Trek -- I wanna say that it was great, but the whole time travel story connecting it to the "canonical" Star Trek universe was unnecessary for me. I could get over it, but unfortunately most of the rest of my Star Trek brethren don't feel the same way. I think that's a shame. They could have re-booted the series and I would've been on board plenty.

Inglorious Basterds -- Christoph Waltz should be nominated for supporting actor. Icy, sadistic, scary and riveting. As it was said on At the Movies (I think): "The guy is terrifying in four languages."

Anyway, here's hoping the movies I see the rest of this year aren't as good.