serendipity now!

New York City continued...

Serendipity:

1. The faculty of making fortunate discoveries by accident.
2. A very trendy food and dessert cafe in New York City made famous by the movie of the same name.

So in a strange bit of coincidence, I went on vacation to New York the same weekend that my best girl pals Laura and Maria went. They had actually planned to go for months and months, so to an outsider, it would appear that I merely followed them there. The truth is, my other girlfriend Kristi demanded that I go to New York with her that weekend to see Sally without any clue that I would have another couple of girls on the side. So spending time with Laura and Maria wasn't necessarily on my agenda, but they suggested that we meet up at Serendipity on Sunday night. Apparently, Serendipity is a very popular tourist spot in New York and is famous for their frozen hot chocolate (or as I like to call it, chocolate milk).

Anyway, on Friday Kristi, Sally, Sally's boyfriend Tim and I decided to go to the lottery for a broadway show. For those of you who don't know, many broadway shows have a mini-lottery an hour or so before the show to award winners with a chance to purchase cheap tickets for that day's sold-out show. Many locals do it, because they can try to win and if they don't they can just go home and try again later. Tourists don't have that option. If you want to see Wicked you need to book the show months in advance for about 100 bucks (or in our case $225). Odds of winning the lottery aren't incredibly good. They pick ten people out of about 60. That's why it's a good idea to bring all your friends so that they can have their names in as well and whoever wants to see the show the most gets the ticket if someone wins. It's a nice thing to do. Tim won. According to Sally, he always wins. She thinks the lottery girl likes him. I guess that's not much of a coincidence.

The tickets Tim won for Kristi and me was for a play called The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee. For this particular play, they choose four members of the audience to participate on stage in the Spelling Bee. Guess the first person they chose was. Hint: it wasn't Kristi. Another hint: it was me. I'll probably go into excruciating detail about the experience in my next entry.

Have you ever watched Letterman or some other talk show and the celebrity talks about how he or she just happened to run into another celebrity on the street one day? Maybe I notice this more than everyone else, but I tend to think that it's strange that celebrities just happen to run into each other, especially when they live in giant cities with populations that triple the population of Utah. Anyway, on Saturday we bumped into Tate Donovan at Central Park. He was jogging. He looked okay. A bit out of breath. If I had myself together I would have told him how appalling I thought it was that his character was written out of The O.C.

In another strange coincidence, Laura, Maria and I bumped into Lucy Liu whilst eating at a British food place called Tea and Sympathy. I thought it particularly odd at the time that we decided to even eat at a British place.

On Sunday, we took a stroll around Sally's place in Harlem. I think that's where we found the Duke Ellington statue. Sally thought it was funny because the sculpture of Ellington is actually held up by sculptures of naked women. Naturally I wanted a picture and the guy who took the picture below said that he was visiting from California because his father is the sculptor of that particular work.
I've mentioned before that Nellie McKay was a huge reason for me to go to New York. This is despite the fact that seeing her broadway musical wouldn't be in the group's plans. Fortunately for me, plans fall through and I found myself alone in the city with little else to do but see Threepenny Opera all by myself. I went to the box office and, under Sally's advice, asked them for a student discount ticket. Fortunately, I still carry my BYU i.d. with me all the time for just such circumstances. They told me that since I was just buying one, they'd waive the fact that I needed to utilize the student discount a half hour before the show. When I showed up for the show, I was surprised that my seat was row C, seat 111 -- pretty much front and center. The picture below was taken from my seat while I was waiting for the show to start. Nearly the best seat in the house. Minutes after taking my seat, a woman came and sat next to me and exclaimed how glad she was that she just turned in her extra seat to the ticket office a couple of hours earlier and that it was fortunate for her that I was the one who picked it up. Apparently, the ticket office told her it was unlikely that a single would grab the seat so soon before the show. Lucky her. Lucky me.On the way back from getting my Threepenny Opera tickets, I bumped into a flier distributor who yelled something extremely interesting. According to him, my very favorite comedian, Jim Gaffigan was in town playing near the Hello Deli. Alas, it turns out I missed him by a day. Still quite a coincidence, nonetheless.

Long before I came to New York I sadly resigned myself to the fact that I would probably never be able to see Nellie McKay in a live concert. She would never come out to Utah and If I happened to visit the east coast, she probably wouldn't play at that time. Besides, I figured she retired from performing since she's now a broadway actress instead of a jazz singer. So in passing, Sally told me she noticed that Nellie McKay would actually be performing in a pub downtown for 20 bucks. I immediately phoned Maria and she immediately told Laura and within minutes I was on the phone with the good people at Joe's Pub buying Nellie McKay concert tickets. I then told Kristi and Sally that I would be leaving them for an evening. The Nellie concert actually fell on the same day that Laura and Maria wanted to meet me at that famous Serendipity restaurant. We did try to go before the show. They told us to come back and check in an hour and a half. When we came back, they told us to check back in an hour. We never got in.

Serendipity just wasn't meant to happen on this particular trip to New York.

new york city by the numbers

Halfway through my trip to New York, I realized that there is no way on Earth I'd be able to sum it up in one meager post. In order to sate myself and my hungry audience, I've decided to to do a quick number list and then move on with different posts throughout the coming week. I also left my camera in New York, so I can't show any pics until I get it back. Anyway here's my trip by the numbers:

0: The number of souvenirs I bought for myself.
0: Number of automobiles I touched (not counting buses)
1: Number of rollercoaster rides (The Cyclone)
1: Number of Broadway musicals I starred in
1: Number of words I spelled correctly at the 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee (jihad)
1: Number of words I spelled incorrectly at the 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee (zuuzuu)
2: Number of celebrities I saw unexpectedly
2.5: Number of hot dogs I ate.
3: Number of Broadway musicals I saw
4: Number of beautiful girls who accompanied me
4: Number of celebrities I was aware of who starred in Threepenny Opera
6: Number of subway trains I rode (1,2,3,E,N,Q)
8: Number of themed restaurants I went to (Chinese, Thai, Mexican, pizzaria, soul food, pub, bakery, British)
16: Amount in dollars I spent for an orange juice and french fries at Joe's Pub
20: Amount in dollars I spent for admission to a Nellie Mckay concert at Joe's Pub
24: Amount in dollars I spent to purchase a 7-day unlimited subway and bus metrocard
92: Number of pictures or videos taken with my camera
231: Amount in dollars I spent on Broadway musicals
587.03 Amount in dollars I spent on my debit card for the trip (including plane tickets)
???.?? Amount in cash I spent

That's it for now. Tune in soon for the following possible entries:

serendipity now!
broadway debut. D-E-B-U-T, debut.
whoa nellie! just kidding nellie, don't let up!
here comes the subway system!
new york city 2006 : a year in photographs (taken over a four-day period)
party at ground zero
low class depravity of the highest class

muted mutations

I realized something mildly disasterous a couple of weeks ago. I'll be in New York on Friday.

May 26th is a very important day for many reasons.

The third X-Men movie comes out on May 26th. Many people may be very surprised to learn that I really enjoy all things X-Men. Six years ago I actually dressed up as Magneto when I attended the screening. That was the week I met Rhett. I've mentioned this before, but the guy thought I was a total weirdo for dying a pair of Hanes briefs dark purple. X2 is the best comic book movie yet produced. I've been dying to find out what happens to Jean Grey. Many of you who saw the movie may have noticed an image of a fiery bird when Jean dies at the end. This, of course, is alluding to the famous Dark Phoenix saga from the comic books. For those of you silly enough to be unaware of the Dark Phoenix saga it goes something like this:

(**deep breath**)So this entity from outer space known as the Phoenix Force inhabits the body of Jean Grey and the entity transports herself with the X-Men to another galaxy where the Phoenix Force is the guardian of the M'Kraan crystal, a powerful object that has the power to destroy the universe and this crazy guy named D'Ken has seized control of the Galactic Shi'ar Empire and the crystal and plans to use it to conquer everything, but he's unaware that it will simply destroy everything so anyway the Phoenix and the X-Men thwart this guy, but not without Phoenix/Jean getting a taste of emotion through a mutant named Mastermind (which is actually the basis of Jason Stryker in X2) and the emotion the entity really enjoys is vengeance, so she/it goes on a sort of interplanetary killing spree in which billions of beings die and so after that Lilandra, the new empress of the Shi'ar Empire totally bags Professor X and demands that Phoenix/Jean be executed for restitution as well as precaution, but Xavier demands that the X-Men fight for her behalf and strangely the X-Men lose, partly because of their moral conflics over what Jean/Phoenix did, but before the execution can happen, Jean loses control again, but is able to commit suicide before she destroys everything. Years later the X-Men discover that the body Phoenix used was a clone and that the real Jean was in a cocoon the Atlantic Ocean (***gasp***).

Based on the previews I've seen, not much of that actually happens in the upcoming movie.

Oh well, I suppose I won't see it in New York. I'll have other things to do. Nobody tells me what happens though, got it?

May 26th. Big day for many reasons. I listed two.

erasurenomics-itis

Tell me... if you bought tickets to a show that sold out in ten minutes, do you really think you'd have a very hard time selling those tickets? I work at a place that constantly heralds the joys of capitalism, yet I can't make the most obvious sale. I knew I was in trouble when people were at the venue trying to sell their front row tickets at cost. For some reason EVERYBODY wanted tickets two months ago and NOBODY wanted them two days ago.

Not too much to complain about, though. Besides Monica, whom I asked to go with me last week, I was forced to bring two more girls along. The aforementioned Kristi and Dre gladly took the opportunity. I missed the first song, because I was still outside getting Dre's ticket to her. I think it was something off Cowboy, so no big loss. Of course, cowboys are fitting. Several young men dressed as cowboys for the show. Andy dedicated a song to the "good-looking cowboys." I must also say that this is probaby the first country concert I've ever been, which is VERY weird considering Erasure is one of the foremost synthesiser British bands. On the Erasure videos which I own (which are also HILARIOUS by the way) Vince Clarke talks about how he'd rather program synthesisers rather than play guitar because he just has to push a button instead of perform and therefore never screw up. "Love To Hate You" was initially unrecognizable in its salsafied form, while "Sometimes"was done sort of bluegrassy. They did a slow version of "Oh L'amour" and an understandably slow version of "Piano Song," which is a new favorite of mine. I wasn't sure if they would play it. Even though it's acoustic originally anyway, they didn't actually bother to bring a piano. Vince and this other guy had acoustic guitars, one of the back up singers played a flute and one of those June Carter strumming thingios, they had a standard drummer, the bass was upright and the guy who would've been playing piano had one of those sit-down stringy strummy things. My acoustic vocabulary is pretty lacking. Anyway, they saved "Chains of Love" and "A Little Respect" for the very very end, much to the delight of a much-relieved Monica.

Anyway, probably the best part of the night was having three beautiful girls argue over which one of them was going to buy me dinner. Monica won, but I got rainchecks.

So this is probably worth another entry, but I already titled this entry accordingly, so I may as well mention it. I'm not very healthy, at least a few days ago I wasn't. Allergies, I think. I never had allergies before I moved into the super-cute house I live in now. I think maybe a seasonal moldy spore monster could be lurking behind the walls. It's very unfortunate, since it's such a home to me. I remember a few short years ago I realized that Provo didn't feel like home anymore. Sure, everybody leaves Provo, but it was still home, right? The feeling was quite disconcerting. Now instead of being spiritual rejected, I'm being physically rejected from my own house. The feeling is quite phlegmy.

In case you're wondering, I went to the doctor on Wednesday and he threw me a bunch of zyrtecs. They seem to be doing the job, but I was hoping to let my body overcome this itself. When I went to the selecthealth website to find a doctor there was an article right there on the front page about allergies. It said that 200 years ago there were probably like 50 people in the United States with allergies. Now there are 50 million. The article mentioned the "Hygiene Hypothesis," which is the idea that the reason there are so many more allergic reactions now is because we're too clean. Our bodies aren't exposed to the bad stuff enough to make them good. Well that's just great. All this progression and civilization only to de-evolve? Fabulous. What really bugs me is that at this point in my life, I think I may be at the lowest rung of the de-evolution ladder out of all humanity.

The robots will win soon.

When I went to NAB, I looked at an automation system that doesn't just run a radio station, but it controls several radio stations across the country from the same place. Have you ever read Neuromancer? Trippy. Anyway, wouldn't it be horrible to realize that you were actually employed by an automated being?

selling!

Does anyone want Erasure tickets for Monday's Salt Lake show? I bought a bunch knowing the show would sell out in less than a half hour and therefore knowing that I'd make a sweet profit. I checked eBay yesterday and for some reason it's suddenly a weak market for Erasure tickets. MODified Music just sent me an email saying that there are a bunch of other people selling. I called MODified and discovered that with the music store helping to sell, they seem to be going. Hopefully they pull through for me too. In the meantime, if you want tickets, you got 'em. But don't tell me you want them without paying for them. That just tells me you don't want them.

do you know what day it is?

Finally! For those lost souls who weren't able to get their hands on the hot little West Capitol 2006 Calendar, today's your lucky day! I've finally managed to convert the whole thing into a simple Word document. Instructions on downloading, printing and assembling the calendar are right here. You have the option of just printing the whole thing out on individual papers or doing a specialty print and assembling the whole thing so that it folds just like a real calendar. I recommend the second option because it took me several hours to figure out.

cinco del reloj en cinco de mayo

Yesterday, when I walked out to my car to go home after work, i began inexplicably singing "Big Me" by Foo Fighters. When I turned on the car radio, guess what song was playing? How often is that song played on the radio? How often do I even sing it? It was one of those Truman Show type moments.

If only I had something more interesting to say right now.

mayday! mayday!

I don't know what else to do. Does anyone know where our Can't Hardly Wait, Say Anything, Wall Street and Mystery Men DVDs are? They're all missing. Right now the theory is that they've slowly been swiped during various parties we've had. What's the deal people?

Does anyone need anything in New York City? Turns out I just made plans to go there at the end of the month. My old school buddy Kristi talked me into it. We're going to visit our other friend, Sally. Sally and I have enjoyed a healthy flirtation for about four or five years, so it'll be fun entendres all over again. Kristi really wants to see Wicked and Sally wants to go to Coney Island. I really really want to see The Threepenny Opera, featuring Nellie McKay, my very favorite songstress. I'm expected to leave on the 25th and I get back on the 29th. Hopefully, I'll manage the whole thing with work. If not, I'll have to use my plane tickets later, so New York is inevitable.

malja' mIqta'

I went to Las Vegas for the second week in a row this past Sunday. Last weekend it was my niece's wedding. This time it was for my nerd convention for work.

The NAB (I think it stands for the National Association of Broadcasters) was huge. Huger than I thought it would be. I was in charge of investigating new audio technology we could use to run the radio program. It's funny how one feels more alone than ever in the middle of a crowd. Give me pure solitude. That's company with someone I love.

Anyway, forget that nerd stuff. It was fun to be there on my own because I was able to do stuff I never get to do since nobody was with me to say no. So I went and checked out the Star Trek Store in the Hilton and Mamma Mia! I'm actually really surprised I've never seen the Star Trek stuff before. Somebody I know should have taken me. I'm disappointed in everyone who had the opportunity, because they should know I would love it. It's actually a lot like when it was 1991 and I had never heard of ABBA. It took Erasure's Abba-esque EP to discover ABBA and that was when I was like 14 years old or something. Nobody I knew told me the group ABBA existed for 14 precious years of my life. Travesty. So I just went to the restaurant and the gift shop. I didn't have time for the tour or the ride or whatever. At the restaurant I was obligated to get the Chicken Khan. As far as villain-themed sandwiches go, there was simply no other choice. The Hamborger? Please. I purchased three neato things at the gift shop: a working tribble, a Klingon barcup and a Klingon dictionary (which I had been asking for for Christmas and my birthday for over six months). These may sound like incredibly nerdy purchases. They're not. Keep in mind that I got Klingon paraphernalia. If I got Federation stuff, now that would be nerdy. The word "nerd" isn't even in the Klingon vocabulary. Serious, I looked it up.

Now if only Mamma Mia! was as good as I was hoping it would be. I got the cheap seats, which makes a huge difference, but there were some other flaws that took it away from perfection. I would have loved more hook-ups among the characters. There were really only three hookups out of a potential six. I say hook everyone up. Go cross-generationally more too, then they could have sung "Does Your Mother Know" twice. It's a well-known fact that "The Winner Takes It All" is my second favorite song of all time. The woman in the play sang it in a nasal way I didn't approve of. Anyway, I still totally enjoyed it (not nearly as much as the screaming, clapping woman next to me). As mentioned before, Sweden is pretty sweet.

I hope to get more pics on here soon. I just bought a new camera, which I'll be talking about.

Atlas Shrugged page count: same as last time.

swanee, how i luvya how i luvya

Ever seen a ballet? I hadn't seen a real one until last night. Usually I stay away from ballet, because it's hard to understand -- not the story mind you, but the actions. For example, if two ballet performers are supposed to be in conflict with each other, they still need to move cooperatively. When they use each other's bodies to make a dramatic move, I sit there and say, "Stop working together! You hate each other! Just punch him in the face! Stop swaying or whatever!" My frustrations are similar to Krusty the Klown when asked about why he bet against the Harlem Globetrotters. His answer: "I swear the Generals were due! The game had to be fixed, I mean, the guy's using a ladder for crying out loud! Look at him now! He's just spinning the ball on his finger! Just take it! Take the ball!"

So Andrea and I saw Swan Lake last night. We figured it would beat a movie since her friend raved about it and with a student discount, the final price of $8 would be comparable anyway. Since it was her idea, she paid. It was at this time that we found out that tickets were $20, not $8. I bought dinner, but financially, I came off way better.

Do you know the story of Swan Lake? It's about a guy feeling the pressure to get married. In his comfortable palace, he's totally surrounded by hotties, but he doesn't want to get married just for the sake of marriage to one of them like everyone is expecting. So he takes the advice of TLC and heads off to some lake, skipping the out-of-reach waterfalls. There, he finds the girl of his dreams, but she's cursed. She, among lots of other great girls, is under enchantment from some evil guy who gets his kicks hoarding beautiful women for himself. The only way to break the curse is for a man to love her, and she to love him in return. That seems to be a recurring theme in stories like this. Why is it just the pronouncement of love that breaks curses in all these old stories? Was such a thing that rare back then? It seems pretty easy to me. I'm surprised there weren't more people professing their love to each other when it solved all problems. Now in present day I'm more influenced by Depeche Mode in actually one of my least favorite DM songs.

There was a time
When all on my mind was love
Now I find
That most of the time
Love's not enough
In itself

Alright, that's not important. It is a good story. It's why we love love stories more than love itself. Anyway, love doesn't solve all because they guy falls prey to duplicity. They do get together, but only after they sacrifice their very lives. Hmm. maybe the point is that love isn't enough. Makes sense now.

I liked it. Honestly. The production was awesome. It was done by this Swedish guy and everyone knows I love the Swedes (but hate the Dutch). Best fog ever too. Unfortunately, the performance also reminded me of that time that my mom and my two brothers went to the Shakespearean Festival in Cedar City. The costumes for one play had little tassels hanging off the bulge area of the male performers' tights. We were civilized and cultured about it for about ten minutes until my brother Mike whispered to my brother Andy, "Hey. Just curious, but what are you looking at right now?" Anyway, that part of the ballet was pretty distracting. It also made me think of that ballet scene in Top Secret!

What's it going to be? Stay in the castle to find a great girl (one of the castle girls in the ballet really entranced me), or rescue the girl in evil clutches?

Thanks for the awesome night, Dre.

r.i.p.m.l.w(w)

It's been pretty nice having Pete back in town. Come again.

My deepest condolences Jake.

Rest in peace Willie.

daylight saving blues

This week's daylight saving switcharoo was pretty darn bad. The worst daylight saving year ever. By Friday I was so messed up that I zoned out at two green lights. Someone honked both times.

I am now typing from my actual computer. The one that has only worked a week total in the last six months. I'm also typing on the new keyboard that Rhett gave me for my birthday. I'm not used to it. I love how it has a media player control panel at the top as well as other useful buttons like forward, back, refresh, home, my computer, etc. I also loooove the touch sensitivity on they keys. I don't love, however, that the left shift button is half the size it should be and a "\" is right next to it. That means every other time I use the shift key, i make a slash and then type a lower case letter. You can't tell, because I'm correcting my mistakes and therefore spending twice as much time typing this. I'll get used to it, don't worry. The tab key has some weird issues too, but it'll be fine... finer than my last two keyboards anyway.

I had the sucker in at Intrigue Computers. I have a beef with Totally Awesome, which I've been very public about in recent years, so I couldn't go back (that, and I guess it's out of business now). I might should have taken it somewhere other than Intrigue, but I have a sense of loyalty with them (possibly because I might be their only customer). Over the past few months I had them completely gut the machine with a new motherboard and a new hard drive. Within a few minutes of having my new machine, the sound went out. The last time I took it in was to remedy this problem. When I called to check in about it, they were stumped. They were actually almost happy to be stumped. It was like an X-file to them. The problem was a strange curiosity that fascinated them more than frustrated them. They found my chronic computer problems intriguing. That seemed to be the attitude, anyway. So a couple of days later they called me back and said that they replaced the motherboard again and it works. They don't know why. No big deal really. At least since I bought it from them originally they don't charge me for repairs (or replacements) to their own stuff.

I think one of the computer speakers blew out, though.

I'm continuing on with my spree of a lifetime. A few Saturdays ago I maxed out the mcgriddle consumption on my McDonald's gift card. I also used the Barnes and Noble card my mom gave me to give my mom a Verdi opera DVD. Such an exchange kind of depresses me. It's like no exchange was even made. Anyway, I hate Blockbuster video. When I was 15 years old they made me put down like a $300 deposit to rent a Nintendo. At the time they only gave out free memberships for people who supplied credit card information (I heard later that they automatically charged credit cards for late fees (they probably still don't do that though)). They're also notorious for not having widescreen. And now, now, they don't accept my two-year-old Blockbuster gift card. What really irks me is that one of my loved ones actually paid Blockbuster for the card and out of spite for the company I didn't use it -- not realizing that I just gave Blockbuster five bucks FOR DOING NOTHING! ... Hollywood, thankfully, fully accepted the $10 gift card there. I got Three O'Clock High and a package of dots candy.

I recently inherited a gift certificate for about 30 bucks at Graywhale CD. Somebody tell me what cds, dvds and/or video games I should get there.

Atlas Shrugged page count: 82/1168

Happy Birthday Pete!

fix you

If this post works, someone please explain why.

spring with lingering icing

It's the first day of Spring and I'm at the parents' place. I'm afraid to go back to Salt Lake just in case there's another snowstorm. It's the first day of Spring. Sheesh. The Vernal Equinox is a very positive day, since we know that there is a little more light with each passing day than darkness. Of course, I'll miss the darkness when sunbeams are relentlessly glaring up the screen during my early evening tv viewing.

Begun the spree war has.

On Saturday I spent half of my McDonald's gift card on a McGriddles meal. They forgot to put egg and cheese on the sandwich, but it was still mighty good.

On the same day, using my Virgin Megastore giftcard, I bought a real fun read called The Rough Guide to Sci-Fi Movies (that along with a new Blender magazine made me go 3 cents over my $20 card). Erin (she who gave me the giftcard) probably would have preferred I get music. With $75 still to spend at straight-up bookstores, that may have been a good idea, but this book's outstanding review of Star Trek II, Star Wars and The Empire Strikes Back (as well as the omission of all other Star Trek and Star Wars films) made it an essential edition to my personal library. Most amazing of all I just discovered that the author, John Scalzi, is also a contributor to Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Plunges into Hollywood. That particular book was just given to me for my birthday by Stephanie and Kristi. I'm very pleased that I've got friends so in sync with me, even if they're ultrabizarro. Just kidding girls. You keep me young.

I'm putting up this picture of Erica since it's the only picture I personally have of her with blonde hair. She just dyed it wicked dark again so this picture will be valuable soon. Haven't quite decided which hair color I like better, so I'll just say that I don't care about deciding anymore. No doubt she doesn't want to be displayed, but... well I don't really have a reason. I'm doing it anyway. It's not actually my photo as I don't really own a camera at this stage in my life. Laura took this at dinner a couple of weeks ago at the Avenues Bakery I believe. This photo comes pretty close to capturing the captivating real-world smile of Erica Q. Lee.

Cracked open Atlas Shrugged. Page count: 22/1168.

just one fix

I have a huge problem at work that I can't solve. Maybe you can. Every time I use Adobe Audition to make a recording, the recording cuts out and skips every 15 to 20 seconds. It used to work fine, now it doesn't. I've rebooted, checked every progress, disconnected the network and gone through every scenario troubleshoot Adobe itself offered me. This contributes to my ongoing belief that machines aren't just predictable, programmable objects. They have souls. Their behavior can't be predicted because they act on whims just like you or I do. And just like just about every personal relationship in my life, I'm offended by the computer's disconnect from me.

What's the difference between something biological and something mechanical anyway? What's the difference between being built and being created? Biology is just softer. That will change. I read in Popular Mechanics that in order to build quicker, stronger robots; scientists are replacing hard motors with plastic artificial muscle modules. As a result, when these mechanizations get damaged, they won't dent... they'll bleed.

So we're all the same. Human, kitty, computer, vacuum cleaner -- it's all just life. That's why it's so hard to know what's going on with everything (not just the people).

Maybe, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe the computer doesn't have a soul. If that's the case there's something I can do to it to get it to do what I want. There must be some kind of command or function or something to force it to act accordingly. The weird (and horrifying) thing is, machines are less predictable than human beings now. I never see people change on their own. They're programmed based on what they experience. How many times do I find myself in variance with others because of our different programming? Answer: wicked lots.

I hate this situation. Some people have adjusted to others' programming just fine. Computers work for them when they don't work for me (my computer is still giving me a huge silent treatment) and people oblige them while I'm disconnected. Why do I suck so bad at interpersonal/intermechanical relations? Despite my efforts, I can't relate to or fix anything.

So tell me what you think is scarier: 1) Machines have souls and that mechanized revolution that happens in every science fiction movie is inevitable, or 2) Human beings are heartless and soulless, but programmable. I say both are possible.

Erica fixed her cat today. She just called.

comment hard now!

With the advent of my birthday, I realize that I have hundreds of dollars worth of merchandise waiting to be obtained. I spent yesterday collecting all my gift certificates. I hear gift certificates often expire, which would be a horrible shame, especially for my people who got them for me. Hopefully I meet some cool store clerks in the very near future.

This Saturday (maybe next Saturday) I'm planning on going on the mother of all shopping sprees. I need YOU to tell me how you would spend one, some or all of the following:

$5.00 at Cold Stone Creamery
$5.00 at Blockbuster Video
$10.00 at Hollywood Video
$10.00 at McDonald's
$10.00 at Training Table Restaurant
1 (one) entree at Ye Olde Spaghetti Factory
$20.00 at Virgin Megastore
$25.00 at Deseret Book
$25.00 at Borders/Waldenbooks
$25.00 at Barnes & Noble

I also have a 10 minute session at Fastkart Indoor Speedway and a free carwash at Chevron Extramart.

I need your advice! I may not take your advice, but I at least need to get the spending ideas going. If you can't think of anything you think I should buy, try to tell me what you'd buy and why.

pleasethanks.

i won the oscar pool at my academy awards party and all i got was this stupid blog entry

Actually, the real fun was watching my old friends and my new friends and my newer friends and my old friend's sister (as well as newest friend and sometime lover) argue about the noise level and Tivo etiquette.

I got to use my new license today. I got ticket from the Murray Police. They're new. Hopefully they're nicer than the stupid Spanish Fork Police. It's only fitting that I paid a delinquent fee for an old ticket in Utah County earlier in the day.

Stay tuned. I have a very very important announcement tomorrow.

dethroned and stoned pt. 2

I forgot to mention that I also got a keyboard for my birthday. I failed to mention it because I put all my other gifts from friends in the same place, but I put my keyboard next to my computer. I still have to hook it up and re-install all my old programs and get the dvd player working... and get the sound working.

I also forgot to mention that the reason my license picture looks so bad is because I was forced to hang out at the drivers' license bureau for nearly two hours. Two hours!

dethroned and stoned

Erica asked me what my sin would be if I wasn't so Mormony. It's always a fun conversation. I always say that I would probably steal things that I didn't think people needed. According to EVERYONE else I've had the conversation with, however, I would be the world's biggest pothead. Erica totally cackled in agreement to that concept. I disagree with the world's diagnosis. The only drugs I take are ho-hos and Krispy Kremes. Maybe my new driver's license photo sheds some light on why so many believe me to be a stoner. I don't mean to seem all weedy all the time. I seriously don't know what gives.

This new driver's license is at least a lot better than the other gift the state gave me.

the dearth and mirth of birth

I certainly can't complain that my birthday was boring.

The day before my birthday Erica and I called it quits (actually it was pretty much her idea). We were actually on our way to the fabulous steak & salmon dinner prepared by my gourmet stepfather. Dinner itself was good. My friends and I totally bloated ourselves and I didn't even get to the chocolate fountain. It was better than moons over my hammy.

I had to work on my birthday. We had to write and record a couple of commercials. Not too big a deal, but this was the first time I had done new live production work in the studio. Anyway, after figuring everything out and loading it into the system I got out of there at 6:30. I should have told them it was my birthday.

The state actually sent me some gifts. I got my new driver's license in the mail. I'll have to scan it in here when my scanner is working. I look pretty stoned. I think it was because I had to hang out at the license place for an hour and a half. The state also sent me a trial summons over an old speeding ticket.

By the time I got home I had just enought time to set up the easy-chair I took from my parents and clean the house for my own party. My people did a good job of getting food and people there. I gave Maria a hard time about the lack of cups and the inclusion of German chocolate cake and drumstick ice cream cones (neither of which I completely appreciate). They were a huge hit, however, so no difference. Plenty of people showed up (most of them knew who I was), even though I didn't really get the word out. I was going to tell everyone myself, but the time just got away from me. I did have time to burn a cd to play specifically during the festivities. Here's the track listing:

1. A Little Respect - Erasure
2. Secret - O.M.D.
3. Inbetween Days - The Cure
4. I Wanna Be a Cowboy - Boys Don't Cry
5. Wild Wild West - The Escape Club
6. Underneath the Radar - Underworld
7. Venus - Bananarama
8. Take Me Now - Vicious Pink
9. Situation - Yaz
10. Desperate But Not Serious - Adam Ant
11. Johnny Q - Crazy 8's
12. Master and Servant - Depeche Mode
13. Party at Ground Zero - Fishbone
14. When the World Falls Down - David Bowie
15. Father Figure - George Michael
16. Riders in the Night - Freur

As you can see, I made a pretty hard attempt to keep an 80's theme. I also had one tv showing Flash Gordon and another just showing Depeche Mode videos.

I cleaned up with gifts. My parents sent me home with a 25 gallon container of food. I got a litte remote control car, a Barnes and Noble gift certificate, a Virgin gift certificate, Can't Buy Me Love on DVD, Songbook, by Nick Hornby, Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Plunges Into Hollywood and 14,000 Things to be Happy About. Maria gave me the last book. She put it in this Apple Store bag that I just can't get enough of. It feels real slippery. The bag might be the best thing I got.

So anyway I went back to normal today. Today was actually the last day I had to use my $10 coupon for Happy Sumo. Erica and I went. I suppose I could spend a lot of space here detailing how we're not dating, but still close, but still complicated. I don't think I will, though.

beautiful (birth)day

Before I forget, I just want to announce that my birthday is on Monday and everyone is invited over to my house to celebrate. Come over at about 9 p.m. I'm guessing. There might not be cake, but there will be eighties music.

If you're wondering what to get me, I need a new briefcase, restaurant gift certificates are always nice, a new suit, ummmm... shoot. Just look here for what I wanted for Christmas. Don't get me the bathrobe, the shoes, Home Movies, the PS2 controller, Auto Repair for Dummies or Fargo Rock City.

It was a very very beautiful day yesterday. I was going to write about it, but I didn't get around to it. I was so excited to go home to Salt Lake and on the way there the radio played "Where the Streets Have No Name." Maybe it would have been ideal to hear "Beautiful Day." It was pretty fitting nonetheless, because the song is actually about Salt Lake City itself, which was where I was driving to. Obviously. Lots of people aren't aware that the song is about Salt Lake, but it's true and relevant especially in light of the Winter Olympics.

Let's break down the lyrics a little.

I wanna reach out
And touch the flame
Where the streets have no name

The title part of the song is very significant. Where is a flame so brilliant and inspiring that it would lead someone to physically strive to achieve it (perhaps by exhibiting incredible feats of strength and prowess)? The answer is wherever the Olympic flame is burning. Where was an Olympic flame burning over streets with no names? Salt Lake City 2002. There aren't too many places in the world where the streets don't have names. Salt Lake City is notorious for having the huge grid system where all the streets are numbered instead of named. This is very significant even though the song was actually written 15 years before the Olympics came to Salt Lake. Inspiring!

I wanna feel sunlight on my face
I see the dust cloud disappear without a trace

Salt Lake City is also famous for its inversion. When the inversion (dust cloud)
lifts, the sun is absolutely brilliant.

I wanna take shelter from the poison rain
Where the streets have no name

Although it's sort of polluted here, I've never known Salt Lake to have any acid rain.

We're still building
Then burning down love,
Burning down love
And when I go there
I go there with you
It's all I can do

There are many LDS churches here built for the purpose of showing love to God. Unfortunately, many are victims of arson. Okay, fine, that was a reach. Anyway "going with someone" in this context could mean the importance of temple marriage (which is actually what the entirety of the song "One" is about if you listen to the words).

The city's a flood
And our love turns to rust

Many may be too young to remember the famous Salt Lake City flood of '83. The rust, however, is eternal with all the salt on the roads in winter.

We're beaten and blown by the wind
Trampled in dust

The area to the west of Salt Lake is called the Bonneville Salt Flats. This dusty area is open enough to be an amazing wind catalyst.

I'll show you a place
High on a desert plain
Where the streets have no name

Perhaps most obvious of all is the fact that this city with nameless streets is not only a desert, but a desert with a very high, mountainous altitude.

Cool, huh? Bet you didn't know all that.

Come to my birthday party.

labor and love and lucre and lust

So Stephanie Stephan (real name!) recently told me that she never sees me anymore and all she knows is what I write on the blog. I think she was complaining that I wasn't around much, but I'm going to take it to mean that I should update this thing more often.

This past week has been very monumental.

I went to a radio job interview in Provo last monday with the full intention of saying to them, "Listen, you're very kind, but I spent all last year driving back and forth to Provo, losing money in the process, so I'll be leaving now." Instead, they told me I'd actually making $12 MORE an hour than my last radio job. I guess it's not that much considering when my last radio job told me how much I'd be making the first thing I said was, "Is that legal?" Anyway, this new place hired me on the spot and started me three days later. For some reason I've been going through tremendous anxiety over the whole thing. Charlotte, my ex-girlfriend, told me to not worry. Apparently, all our jobs ever do is make our bosses rich, so I shouldn't freak out about my job so much. Incidently, the radio program I'm now producing is called Free Capitalist Radio and Ayn Rand is a major contributor. Listen to it from 9 a.m. to 11 a.m. at www.freecapitalist.com or on 630 AM.

So the day after I started the new job, I fulfilled my life-long dream of going to a monster truck rally. When my friends wanted to go out to eat, I bowed out since Erica and I had plans to stay in and watch a movie. I felt bad for being the only one to leave the party, but I really looked forward to seeing Erica. Anyway, I guess I have a girlfriend now. These are troubling and confusing times for dating, so maybe I shouldn't jump the gun here. I will say, however, that we did kiss and we did tell each other that we liked each other, so that's got to be worth something. I mentioned before that Erica and I have known each other for some time. I met her when she was 15. That means that I'm just like that horrible guy in Memoirs of a Geisha (which i talk about a little right here). Anyway, not only is Erica incredibly sexy, but we finished last Sunday's crossword puzzle AND cryptoquip together. I'll be speaking of her often.

I watched Crimes and Misdemeanors with Erica a couple of days before we started dating. I've been meaning to mention for a long time that for the past few months I've really felt like watching it. It might be my favorite Woody Allen movie. Most people really like the main story which deals with Martin Landau (***spoiler alert***) coming to terms with the fact that he had his mistress murdered. Personally, I like the other story line which deals with Woody Allen as a struggling filmmaker pining over Mia Farrow. In the end he loses her to Alan Alda, an evil television executive. I kind of need movies like that to tell me that just because I'm cool and poor, it doesn't mean the women will flock to me. Of course, two days later I get Erica. Anyway, this last time I saw the movie I noticed the continuous mentioning of "living in the real world." What that meant in this particular movie is that people need to only look after themselves. If someone gets in our way, we need to subdue them in any way we can. I always thought that Woody's point is that there is nothing that stops us from doing so, so we need to be extra careful to not just care for ourselves.

Erica and I watched Match Point on Saturday. I try not to watch R-rated movies. Usually when I do, I don't tell people I do so that it seems like I don't support films that don't quite uphold the standards I pretend to uphold. I realize that this is probably a bad way to go. So, while I'm still avoiding most R-rated movies, I will tell you every single one that I see. That way everyone else can keep me in check. I really liked Match Point. Strangely, it was a whole lot like Crimes and Misdemeanors which was made way back in 1989 (it's kind of a big coincidence that I watched both movies in the same week). It was good because it was very squirmy. Toward the end, I got incredibly tense. If you needed to choose between greed and lust, which would you choose? It snowed hard that night, I remember. What a weird week.

eye heart

I've decided to stop making fun of Dick Cheney. He totally might blow my head off.

If anybody recorded the two hours of Arrested Development that ran on Friday, please please get it to me. Actually, I think I have a copy in the bag, but it might not be until next month. Recently, my good friend Erica moved into town. I met her nearly ten years ago when two of my best friends got married. One of those people happened to be Erica's sister (see the side link on the right that says "Ammon and Heather's blog"). So anyway, this girl is back in town and reminds me an awful lot of The O.C. where Marissa's sister Caitlin comes back into town as a very mature 15-year-old and totally shakes things up with her newfound womanly presence. Erica totally won't like that analogy since she's a much bigger fan of Laguna Beach. Also she was 15 when I met her. Anyway, Erica may have persueded her sister (my friend Heather) to send us a copy of Arrested Development. Having her back has been totally delightful. Here's a picture of Erica circa (I'm guessing) 1985. She must have been about three years old when this picture was taken.

We were going to record AD, but my roommate Joe decided to record the opening ceremonies of the Olympics instead. I didn't watch them, but I heard this year's opening ceremonies were the weirdest ever. "Imagine" is vividly about communism.

So Valentine's Day is tomorrow (actually, it's past midnight, so I guess it's today... happy VD!). Don't get a girl one of those Vermont Teddy Bears. Their big commercial catch phrase is that the bears are the only things that you can do next day delivery. They're pretty much saying that a Vermont Teddy Bear is a last resort, so your girl will totally see through your lack of planning.

This year I'm taking in my good friend Alecia. I'm not taking her out; we're watching a movie inside. I don't go out for Valentine's. Too crowded. Not romantic at all. It's totally like herding cattle at all the restaurants. Yeah, her name is Alecia, pronounced all-eeee-si-a. Don't mispronounce her name. Unfortunately, she was named a name that isn't Alicia, so she has to differentiate the two throughout her life. It's kind of how I have to do the same thing with Jon and John. We're probably going to grab a pizza and watch either Roman Holiday or Casablanca. I also have special gifts planned, but I don't want to give things away just yet. I don't have a picture of Alecia, but here's a picture of that girl in from the new When a Stranger Calls movie. They look very similar.

I've been doing pretty well for Valentine's. After this one I will have gone out three years in a row (see here and here)! I'm still decorating the place with black hearts, though.

my hard is breaking down

A couple of days ago I listened to one of my favorite songs by Caesars: "My Heart Is Breaking Down." It made me wonder a little bit about Barney Clarke. Remember that guy? He was from Utah and he was the first guy to receive an artificial heart. He lived with it for a week or a month or something. Did you ever wonder how an artificial heart affected him emotionally? For that short time, he had the heart of a robot. Do you suppose his wife asked him if he still loved her and he unfortunately replied "My heart is breaking down. I'm sorry, but I have an artificial heart. How can I love with something so plastic?"

On the other hand, maybe the machines are our souls. I've said many times that my amount of energy is directly related to the amount of battery left in my cell phone. Speaking of which, the camera broke on the stupid thing. This is added to the fact that my computer is still broke. Without a computer, I can't use my other appendages, like my video camera and mp3 player. I took the computer in yesterday and today they informed me that the hard drive is failing. What do you suppose the hard drive is, the heart or the brain? In either case I've been very disoriented and unstable.

Remember the panic of 1837? I think it was 1837. I don't know anything about finance, but I think the deal with this period in history is that rumors spread that money wasn't safe in banks, so everyone made a run to the banks, withdrew everything and left nothing for those who didn't make it in time. If everyone looked at the big picture, they would have realized that acting on the panic wsn't a good idea. It's easy for us to say that when we're not panicking of course. It's just hard not to panic when you see everyone around you running toward the same thing. I may have to check my facts.

I was going to say about a month ago that I sensed something sinister on the horizon. I was going to tell everyone I knew to watch out. I don't know what for, but watch out. It was just a feeling. Probably means nothing for all of us. Mom, I know you're reading this. Don't freak out. It's just me sayin' stuff.

continental drift whiplash

...No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main. If a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less, as well as if a promontory were, as well as if a manor of thy friend's or of thine own were. Any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind; and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee...

The above is from "Meditation XVII" by John Donne, in case you're interested. Ever see that one Far Side where natives are trying to build huts on the floating guy? Anyway, I sure wish I was (were? crap. i think it is were) an island sometimes. so nice. I can't stand affecting people and i really hate the effect they have on me. I treat people very subtley, but my treatments still make me the most horrible person in the world. Worse than Hitler. Oh well, good thing I'm all continental today, though. My computer just broke again and I need to use my roommate's.

Hey, why does my computer break all the time? Am I being punished? I suppose I could just be negligent, but even if I don't take care about the thing, I worry about it all the time!

It was Mozart's birthday a few days ago. I celebrated the occassion by falling asleep to Amadeus. I celebrated my birthday early by snuggling up with a beautiful girl and watching one of my favorite romantic movies: Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan. That's probably worth a post in itself, so prepare for it.

the funniest story so far this year

I was edgy all day Wednesday. I think it was a combination of a new mind-numbing data-entry temp job, watching Dark City the night before and the anticipation of a job interview that afternoon. By 4:30 my anticipation had turned into anxiety and I was barely functional. I don't know why this happens sometimes. Such minor inconveniences hardly warranted anxiety, but I just get that way every once in a while. I had been drinking a lot all day so by the time I got to the interviewing company I needed to go to the bathroom pretty bad. The receptionist showed me the room I would be in as well as the bathroom, so I ran off to the bathroom really quick and then back into the interviewing room. Two women were already there to interview me, so I couldn't relax out of my post-urinary haste. Obviously, my behavior was less than social and the interview was pretty scattered and unflattering to me. I've never ever interviewed well, but this one was less than normal (and normal is pretty bad for me). I went home and began getting out of my suit when I realized my fly was down. I could think of no way it came down after the interview.
The next evening I wrote a thank you email addressed to the both of them for the experience. I hate doing those. I considered mentioning the fly incident and making light of it, but figured there was a good chance it was just covered up under the table and nobody noticed. Instead I wrote that I hope their interviews go well and that my second impression is often better than my first. I checked my email the next day at work and received one from one of the women who inteviewed me. It's pretty obvious that she did a "respond to all" instead of just responding to her coworker:

I love it so much! At least he is smart enough to know that he
doesn’t come of real well!

Another email came from the same person immediately after:

(******* ******* would like to recall the message, "Interview".

The subject line was actually titled "Recall: Interview" instead of "RE: Interview" (which was in the subject line of the first email). I didn't even know you could actually recall emails, not that it did one darn bit of good anyway. The damage was done and now they looked foolish in front of me (albeit by actually calling me foolish, so no battle won). I laughed out loud for ten minutes before I realized how horribly sad this was for me.
I'm sure they won't call me back now. Not only because I didn't interview well, but now they'll feel dumb just communicating with me. I suppose I could give them a call and say sorry about my nerves, my fly and their inexperience with emailing simple responses. Certainly that would make everything better right?

plugged to death

I just hooked up the dvd player we gave to Clint for Christmas. My house now has six dvd players: two on two tvs, two on pcs, one on a laptop and on as a playstation 2. We only have five tvs (three of which actually work) and two vcrs.

Anyhoo, today I had a phone interview for a job I knew nothing about. Fortunately I was vastly underqualified.

top 25 in '05... and the 2005 25 best.

To see last year's movie list, click here. How about here for the song list.

Top 25 Movies in '05 (that I've seen (at least part of))

25. Bewitched -- It would have helped if this comedy actually had parts with actual humor in them. The funniest part of the movie was the lame joke that Family Guy made fun of. Allow me to make a huge generalization. Will Ferrell was hilarious on Saturday Night Live, but is totally lame in cinema.

24. Mad Hot Ballroom -- I saw this documentary about elementary school kids taking up competitive dance with a bunch of my friend girls. I hated it, everyone else loved it. To my dismay I've discovered that pretty much everyone else who saw the film loved it. I guess I could be wrong in my assessment, but I still think watching pre-pubescent kids merengue-ing was the absolute creepiest thing I saw on film this year (with the possible exception of the bum in bumless pants we videotaped at Dee's on Halloween night (although that was actually digital tape, not film)).

23. The Brothers Grimm -- Terry Gilliam is a storytelling genius, which made this boring, soulless, unenchanting fantasy film really unfortunate to sit through.

22. Sons of Provo -- Maybe I shouldn't count this. I actually saw it a year and a half ago at an advance screening. It wasn't a very nice movie. The commercialism of Mormonism isn't cool, but this movie proves that insulting those who participate in it is even less cool.

21. The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants -- One night I was in a really horrible mood and I wanted some company, so I asked the aforementioned friend girls if I could tag along with whatever they were doing and for some reason they were on their way to see this movie. I notified them that not all of us were 12-year-old girls. We saw it anyway. For what it is(the story of girls who wear pants) it's okay.

20. Memoirs of a Geisha -- I snuck into this one after finishing up another one as I've already talked about here, so I don't have to speak again about how uninteresting I found this geisha's concept of "love."

19. The Ringer -- I only watched five minutes of this, not because I hated it, but because I had to race into the next theater to catch Geisha on time. The part I saw was pretty funny because it had to do with an out-of-luck immigrant losing his fingers by a lawnmower blade.

18. Fever Pitch -- If I remember correctly, this was the last movie I saw in the theater with Charlotte before she moved. She actually wanted to see Hitch, but I had heard that this one was better. It was pretty alright, but I should have known better. The only good baseball movie is the original Naked Gun.

17. In Good Company -- I found that the most fascinating part of this movie wasn't the love story or the life lesson of "what's really important." It was the horror of life in the business world.

16. King Kong -- This goes to show you that you can have near-perfect music, cinematography, characters, action, story and special effects; but still finish 16th because the movie was just too darn long. Does Peter Jackson even have an editor? I guess he wanted to remake this movie because it's the movie that inspired him to be a filmmaker. If that were the case, it should be the absolute last movie he should attempt to improve upon. Actually as long as I'm complaining, the human actors don't mesh well with some of the computer animation (ESPECIALLY in the scene when they're in the middle of the dinosaur stampede), but I actually did believe in Kong and Naomi Watts' nuzzly relationship.

15. Hitch -- Rhymes with Fever Pitch, but has more funny parts.

14. Santa Claus vs. The Snowman -- My cutie friend Laura and I finally watched this planetarium seasonal favorite. 3-D is so cool. It's not gimmicky to me at all since I hardly ever get to experience it.

13. Corpse Bride -- I like anything with skeletons. When the skeletons play jazz, I like it a little more. Add in a wonderful story involving the anxiety of trying to date two women at once (one of them dead) and there is no way I can hate it.

12. The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe -- Did you know Santa Claus lives in Narnia? How delightful! I wrote a little about it here.

11. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire -- Very good, but the one before it is better.

10. Walk the Line -- My brother Jeff needs to know that you don't need to enjoy country music to really enjoy this bittersweet story. You just have to understand desire, imperfection, frustration and sincerity.

9. The Island -- Whoops. Did this thing slip into the top ten? I probably should have at least put Walk the Line ahead of it. Oh well, It's probably not that deserving of the accolades I give it, but it was a lot of fun anyway (more fun than I thought it would be, and exceeding expectations counts for more good than just being good in itself).

8. Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith -- It's nice that Star Wars is finally over so that I can go on with my life. I went pretty in-depth with this movie right here.

7. The Transporter 2 -- I only saw the last half-hour of this after walking out of another movie. The parts that I saw contained over-the-top camp villainy, ridiculous unnecessary stunts, ridiculous unnecessary martial arts, ridiculous unnecessary wardrobes and lots of techno. Do these things make a weak movie? NO! They make a wicked awesome butt-kicking movie!

6. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy -- Read the book. In the meantime, this adaptation of one of my favorite books ever has Zooey Deschanel in it, so you can't go wrong.

5. Serenity -- I invested so much time prepping for my viewing of this film that I'd feel wasteful grading this one any lower. It helps that I care about the characters so much before even entering the theater. I wrote a little more about it here.

4. Wallace and Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit -- The visual gags and puns are as good as any Simpsons episode. Plus it's all just so darn cute! I'll probably take my kids to this one.

3. Sky High -- This movie is about superheroes, has an eighties soundtrack, and takes place in high school! On top of all that it's funny, has a cute planty girl in it and two members of the Kids in the Hall. They made this one just for me.

2. New York Doll -- This one spoke to me on several levels. Mormonism, mortality, the absolute need to rock... I could go on, and I already did on a previous post right here.

1. Batman Begins -- This is how comic book movies are supposed to be made. It doesn't focus on the "fwakathoom" explosions, but rather the words in serious characters' thought balloons. Darkness and depth with no catering to the feel-gooders who just want to see something thoughtless on the weekend.

The 2005 25 Best Songs

25. "Jetstream" by New Order -- New Order's new album is a lot more consistent than their last, but didn't have the single power. This one at least has Ana Matronic of the Scissor Sisters.

24. "Hollaback Girl" by Gwen Stefani -- This song is only annoying if you don't give in.

23. "Since U Been Gone" by Kelly Clarkson -- Kelly is absolutely the only American Idol who will ever matter. I applaud her tireless efforts to stay that way.

22. "I Predict a Riot" by Kaiser Chiefs -- These guys are plenty annoying, but they're picking the right influences. I'll let them have their fifteen minutes (which have already passed).

21. "Breathe" by Erasure -- I think Vince Clarke isn't putting the energy in he needs to, but the band is saved by Andy Bell's dreamy vocals. Makes me wish I picked up his solo album.

20. "Prepare For the Fight" by Lovemakers -- I only heard this song once, but it took me right back to 1985.

19. "Laura" by Scissor Sisters -- Was this song from 2005? Oh well. Great great groove.

18. "Gold Digger" by Kanye West -- Kanye has bugged me for so long, but I finally gave in for this one.

17. "Hung Up" by Madonna -- I get my hopes up whenever I hear the ABBA sample. The beat is strong, though, and Madonna is still listenable.

16. "It's Not the Fall That Hurts" by Caesars -- I'm so glad I accidentally listened to a Caesar's cd at Virgin a couple of years ago and then really wound up getting into this Swedish group of Kinksy dance-rock. I was really happy to see that their cd made one of EW's year-end best-ofs.

15. "A Pain That I'm Used To" by Depeche Mode -- The opening track of their new cd sounds like a Depeche Mode thesis statement. I wrote more about it right here.

14. "An Honest Mistake" by The Bravery -- I'm noticing that a lot of entertainment publications are knocking The Bravery for being too pedestrian. To me, they simply take their simple sound and simply do it very, very well.

13. "Girl" by Beck -- This was THE song of summer, and I didn't hear it until fall.

12. "Perfect Situation" by Weezer -- I was going to pick "We Are All On Drugs," but this one is just too irresistible and too sing-alongy to. Old school Weezer is back!

11. "Blue Orchid" by The White Stripes -- Their new cd contains tons of piano and marimbas and weird stuff. My favorite, though is the one that pretty much just has a wailing guitar with a rockin' falsetto.

10. "Juicebox" by The Strokes -- I never really considered The Strokes to really "rock" that much, but this one has the best Strokes gravel howl I've ever heard. Looking forward to their new cd.

9. "All These Things That I've Done" by The Killers -- "Wait, Jon!" you say. "This one was number four on last year's list!" True, but that was before it was a single, before the Anton Corbijn-directed video and before the entire nation was able to sing along to "I got soul, but I'm not a soldier!"

8. "Vermillion pt. 2" by Slipknot -- "Wait, Jon! Slipknot? Are you crazy?" Maybe I am. I've kept this depressing bassy acoustic number in my head since the very beginning of the year. I swore when I heard it that I wouldn't forsake it. It's pretty sad and sad songs make me happy.

7. "Little Sister" by Queens of the Stone Age -- This doesn't just have cowbell, but the cowbell certainly doesn't hurt.

6. "Soul Meets Body" by Death Cab For Cutie -- I never much cared for Death Cab, but I adore the mood they set with this song -- sort of a dead serious dreamstate. I also like the image of a Greyhound station being in my head.

5. "B.Y.O.B." by System of a Down -- Every aspect and instrument in this song is pummelling then relaxed. It makes for the absolute funnest song of the year to karaoke, air guitar and air drum to.

4. "Nth Degree" by Morningwood -- They make spelling fun!

3. "Feel Good Inc." by Gorillaz -- I'm actually sick of this song now. I'd probably rather put the beautiful disco "Dare" on here, but "Feel Good Inc." is destined to be a cartoon rap/britpop/disco/dystopian classic.

2. "Do You Want To" by Franz Ferdinand -- I love the sweet attitude of this song: "Sure baby, today's your lucky day... I'll put out for you." I met Alex Kapronos and made the mistake of calling his music throwback eighties. He was like, "Why does everyone say that? I just want to play some rock for you!"

1. "Only" by Nine Inch Nails -- Weird, dark post-industrial mess about (I think) losing faith? I'm intrigued. Disco beat? I'm converted. I think 2005 is totally the year of disco. I mean listen to this. It's dark, but totally glimmering. Listen to my (weak) remix of this song here.

i watched three movies today and only spent $11.75...

... wait that's not a good deal at all. I paid to see Narnia. I met my pal Kristi there. She took off and I stuck around for Memoirs of a Geisha. I was just going to watch the previews, but I figured I might see some really cute Japanese girls. I guess all the actresses in the movie are from China, so maybe I shouldn't have stayed. My car was parked in the mall garage that whole time and the theater only validates for two hours. Both movies were pretty darn long, so I had to pay for quite a bit of parking.

Of the two movies, Narnia was way better. It did have the advantage of being seen first. It was also fun to remember some of the craziness from the books... like Father Christmas showing up out of nowhere. The Christianity was a hoot as well. I suppose it would be less fun if I had less beliefs. Obviously, the fighting wasn't to Lord of the Rings levels, but the use of slow-motion around fast-motion is a gimmick I always like (unless it's used horridly in such tripe as Little Black Book).

Getting back to Memoirs -- it just bugged me, y'know. I may have been totally sick of movies by the time I saw it, but there was no reason the first hour had to drag so much. I almost walked out, but things got better once Michelle Yeoh finally appeared. Ziyi Zhang was the real reason I bothered to sit through the whole thing. Too bad she looked a lot better in Crouching Tiger. Her hair is better down, not geishaized. Seriously, though, I felt very uncomfortable with the idea that they were trying to pass this thing off as a love story. The main character was in love with an obvious pedophile (at least that's how I felt by the end of the movie). Sure geishaism isn't necessarily prostitution, but from what I saw it was still subjugation. I hated the idea of romanticizing something that is the opposite of romance into something romantic. It's like a "Television for Women Lifetime Original." Ever notice there are a lot women being beaten on that network?

The last movie I saw was a fun flick called Serenity. I went through great, ridiculous lengths to prepare for my viewing. See, Serenity is based on a Joss Whedon TV show called Firefly. I'm not the biggest Joss Whedon fan. I definitely preferred the Buffy movie to the TV show. I can't stand the characters and choreography on the TV show. Angel was a bit better. I do, however, like how he put the old costumes back on the X-men when he started writing their comic books. Anyway, I heard good things about Firefly and when the movie came out I knew I'd enjoy prepping for it. I only watched three of the four Firefly discs, but that included EVERY episode that played on TV. It's a fun show. It's what they call "Space Western." This ship travels through space between colonies that are struggling on frontiers very similar to 18th century America. Also there are space-zombies every once in a while. Watching the movie was a great reward for watching all those episodes of the show. I did have a serious problem with the rowdy teens in front of me. They talked through the whole first half-hour and then just left one by one and never came back. Wastoids. The movie does a real good job of catching up the non-experienced viewers up until the middle of the movie. By the middle, the film throws in a couple of characters that were central to the show with little explanation about them. I loved the movie I think because I loved the characters. When you see it, let me see it with you so that I can explain a few things.

Sorry I didn't go into detail. It's a blessing of course. I don't like talking about movies until after you've seen them too, so see these three movies. They're all ok. Well not really, but you'll have to find out for yourself. My mind is mush now.

merry solstice! ... hey u2!

When I was in high school we used to sacrifice a virgin every Solstice. Instead of doing that today, I took a two-hour nap in the middle of the day. I guess it's sort of the same thing.

Early this morning I said goodbye for the second time this year to Charlotte, the love of my life. I probably should quit with the grandiose title, as we're not together anymore, but the girl will always have undeniably high marks. She went back home to Georgia after a brief vacation here to visit old friends -- some from Ireland.

On Saturday Charlotte and I as well as friends Laura, Maria, Ashlie and Jonathan went to the U2 concert. I'll be the first to tell you that I'm not the biggest U2 fan in the world. They are severely over-rated. I was disgusted that we had to get tickets nine months in advance for such a standard-sounding band. For me, U2 is everyone's default favorite band which is why they're so popular. And I never really liked "Mysterious Ways," "With Or Without You," "Sunday Bloody Sunday" or even "One." Yes, I'm not the biggest fan, but I'm still a fan. They're still a band I like enough to need to see them live. They haven't been my favorite, but I've been really enjoying their music ever since I first heard "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" when I was seven years old. And since I've gotten into them, there are certain songs I absolutely adore. "Seconds," "Exit," "One Tree Hill," "In God's Country," "Red Hill Mining Town," "Running To Stand Still," "Who's Gonna Ride Your Wild Horses," "So Cruel," "Stay (Faraway So Close!)" and of course my very favorite "Until the End of the World." The worst part about going into the show was knowing that they probably wouldn't play any of the songs I adore.

Our seats were extremely humorous. Third row from the top and to the side of the stage (behind it a little). We actually looked down onto the speakers and lighting rig. It was like we were above the Delta Center. As a result, there was less poor-quality Delta Center sound to deal with. We could talk to each other pretty easily (something you're not supposed to be able to do at a concert). The bird's eye view of the stage was especially cool for the stage border lights. A set of lights went around the stage and another set of lights went around the catwalk that extended in a circle deep into the general admission seats. The stage lights often lit up in sequence like speed snakes in a circle. The real star of the show was the curtain lights. Curtains of giant pixels descended behind the band to display images. It was like a giant beaded curtain, so the images furled like flags.

Anyway, the band played long enough. They played every song they absolutely had to (i.e. the four songs I mentioned above that I don't particularly like), plus about five songs from the new CD. The middle section was way political. It got old after a while, but there was one stunt that I thought was pretty clever. Bono told the cell-phone waving audience that another thing they could be doing with their cell phones is to text their own name to a number the screen gave in support of ONE.org. Later in the show, the screens displayed all the names of the people who taxt in. I noticed one guy spelled his last name "Younng."

For the first song of their first encore they played "Until the End of the World." Thanks fellas. I owe you one.

Christmastime is here.

Hey everybody! I just posted my Christmas wishlist right here.

happy thanksgiving

something's wrong with the universe

I just got back from the annual torture which is the BYU-UofU football game. Last year I actually attended the game in the middle of red square where there was this girl in front of us who yelled "F*** BYU! Go Utes!" over and over. When BYU's band came out to play at half-time, she yelled "F*** BYU's band!" In the fourth quarter (a few beers later) she accidently slipped up and yelled "F*** Utes! Go B -- I mean F*** BYU! Go Utes!" After being very patient with her all game, I said to her kindly, "Hey, hey... you shouldn't badmouth your own team like that! C'mon! Be supportive! They need you." She pouted and then turned around in a huff and said quietly, "F*** off!" That little story was the ONLY good thing that happened last year.

Up through the first half of this year's game, things were even worse than last year. We were supposed to win easily, but Utah was ahead 24-3 at halftime. BYU made a game of it in the third and fourth quarter, and when the time ran out it was tied at 34. Utah immediately scored and BYU fell apart. So it was better than last year (when BYU was the final notch in Utah's undefeated season), but it's still crappy.

I think there are several reasons why Utah won. One reason is because BYU performed some kind of "haka" dance before the game to get pumped up. The haka is the absolute worst way to get pumped up. For any of you who don't know, hakas are polynesian war dances that the warriors would perform before battle. I'm pretty sure that the British opened fire on the Maoris of New Zealand as they were performing this dance on the open field. Another reason is because BYU has way too many old people attending the games and they don't pump up the team much. Utah doesn't have nearly as many elderly alumni because most of them succombed to death early as a result of years of alcohol abuse. The other reason is because... I honestly don't know. It's something supernatural. Something evil, though. Not Godly destiny like so many people in red believe.

Now I have to deal with snide Utah fans all year. One of these crazy fans is my bishop. He and most of my other Ute church friends have a pretty distorted belief that there's an unlimited amount hating they can make on my school. I think this stems from the stereotype that everyone who goes to BYU is proud and judgmental. Admittedly, I'm actually pretty proud and judgmental, but just about everybody I knew in school wasn't nearly as bad as I was and certainly not nearly as bad as most Ute fans I've met (and most people don't think I'm all that bad). Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't believe the stereotypes (even though Ute fans definitely won't take my little alcoholism joke in jest). It's pretty interesting: depending on a stereotype of judgmentality to justify one's own judgmentality. It's a truly unique social phenomenon. Anyhow, I've dealt with lots of Utes over the course of my years. Not all of them are like they guy I saw in a red shirt that said, "My testimony is stronger than yours." Most of them are actually like the guy in the shirt that simply read "Go Utes!" (with a picture of a giant middle finger).

The University of Utah isn't all that bad. There are some good folks there. They got that cold fusion thing goin' and all that. I almost went to the U. Sometimes I wish I did, it seems like it could've been a real fun place. But ALL forms of herpes kind of disgust me, so it's probably good that I didn't.

mode a la mode

Just about everybody I knew, including all three of my roommates, had business Friday night. Where most people would see despair, I saw a great opportunity. Friday night became the NIGHT OF JON. I blasted my five-disc changer with The Bravery cd as well as four Depeche Mode discs. I put one television to Spike's showing of The Warriors and I played hours and hours of video games on the other one. I've already mentioned that I just got a new video game and I was pretty anxious to sink my teeth more into it. I also got a demo cd in the mail that had playable versions of some cool new stuff like Star Wars Battlefront II and We Love Katamari. It reminded me of the good old days before I had a ton of friends. Back then I used to relish my Saturday nights where I'd watch Monstervision. Monstervision was this great show that used to be on TNT where they just show two old fantasy/horror/sci-fi movies and in commercial breaks this rednecky guy named Joe Bob Briggs told us what he thought of the action thus far. Some people may think it's pathetic to watch four hours of B-movie schlop every Saturday night. For me, it was the best time of the week. Friday was a whole wicked lot similar to the old Saturdays of yore.

So why was I blasting The Bravery and Depeche Mode? We all know the answer to that question. Saturday night Depeche Mode came to our own E Center and the Killer-hating Bravery opened up for them. My old friend Kristen won the "who wants to go see Depeche Mode with Jon and maybe throw in a couple of bucks?" contest. When she and I were neighbors after she borrowed my Songs of Faith and Devotion she wrote to me a note that said something like: "Wow, I didn't realize music that great was possible." I'm pretty sure she was just buttering me up so that I'd take her to an actual Depeche Mode show years later. So I totally have to apologize to some other girls who may have wanted to go. Kristen was the biggest fan I knew who wanted to go. I was worried about taking somebody who wasn't as big a fan because the band is so different. Synthesizers, backing tape, age -- they have a lot going against them in the live department. Looking back though, I'm sorry I didn't drag more friends along.

Here's an actual image from the show!

Okay fine, camera phones don't work that well. I put some other images from other shows that I got on depechemode.com down below.

We came in later than we should have toward the middle of The Bravery's set. They were good and that's all I need to say about them. Depeche Mode took stage a little after nine. Their set was even weirder than the other three times I've seen them. Their keyboard stations looked like terminals from Lost In Space. There was a flying saucer looking thing with the words "sex," "pain," "angel," "love," "vice," and something else on the other side that I couldn't see affixed to the side. Every once in a while one of the words would light up at appropriate meaningful times during the show. I was glad to find that, I was right, most of the songs really are about sex. They had six screens in the back which they utilized differently than usual The other three times I've seen them there was one straight screen in the back that displayed films specifically made for each song. They did a little of that, but most of the time the screens displayed live, yet erratic, images of the band.

Here's the setlist (songs with asterisks are from the new cd):
> Intro> *A Pain That I'm Used To> *John The Revelator> A Question Of Time> Policy Of Truth> *Precious> Walking In My Shoes> *Suffer Well> *Damaged People> Home> *I Want It All> *The Sinner In Me> I Feel You> Behind The Wheel> World In My Eyes> Personal Jesus> Enjoy The Silence
encore>> Somebody> Just Can't Get Enough> Everything Counts
encore #2> Never Let Me Down Again> Goodnight Lovers

Can I just say that Dave Gahan is one of the slickest cats I've ever seen? He knows how to move his body better than any man I know. He uses the mic stand almost like a male pole-dancer might. He slides along the stage like a reptile. He spins like coked-out ballet guy. Over the past 25 years in a band where they play behind keyboards, all of the live work has been on his shoulders and he's honed it immaculately.

Martin Gore, the mastermind of the band, reminds me of the live awkwardness of Robert Smith. Gore, no showman but goofy in his own right took to the stage in a fake black mohawk and dark angel wings. I guess it let us know who the real guy playing the angel is.

There were a few interesting surprises in some of the songs. The versions of "Walking In My Shoes" and "Home" were unrecognizable arrangements at first. In the middle of "Never Let Me Down Again" shifted to the remixed arrangement bonus track from Music for the Masses that sounds nothing like the original song. Oh, and speaking of, I'm actually kind of sick of waving my arms to that song the way Dave makes us do it. I've done it five times now.

The first encore was a total shock. They played three old songs they didn't have to (Although we were pretty disappointed that "Master and Servant" wasn't played despite "Master and Servant" t-shirts being sold). For the first time, "Somebody" didn't get the massive unusual crowd response it's gotten in the past. We got to sing the chorus of "Everything Counts" a cappella, which sounded just as awesome as the famous audience participation of it on 101. My friend J.B. actually didn't make it to the show (he gave his tickets to my other friend J.R.'s brother Josh and his wife). If J.B. made it though, he would have disowned Depeche Mode as soon as they started playing "Just Can't Get Enough."

With "Just Can't Get Enough," they had a truly unique setlist composed of legitimate Depeche Mode tunes written by Vince Clarke, Martin Gore and David Gahan. Usually the whole show is Martin tunes (considering he wrote 95% of the Depeche Mode canon). Anyway, Dave sang two of the three songs he wrote for the new cd ("Suffer Well," "I Want It All"), which were adequate, but pretty dull too. "Suffer Well" would have been sufficient. I was also perplexed by Martin's vocal inclusion of "Damaged People" when "Macro" would have been a better choice. "Lilian" and "The Darkest Star" were curiously missing from the setlist considering they are two of the best new songs and "Star" contains the lyric "playing the angel," which would fit well in a tour called "Touring the Angel." Depeche Mode always insist on playing too heavy on their most recent cd, which honestly was awesome when I saw them a few months after Songs of Faith and Devotion (my favorite cd ever) came out. They played 7 of the 11 vocal tracks from Playing the Angel (and I actually preferred some of the new songs they didn't play). In my opinion, they've been around too long to be messing with the stuff people don't care enough about.

Harping on the new stuff aside, the show really, really rocked. "A Question of Time" is a standard I've heard done by them five times if I include David Gahan's solo show. It's also got a riff I never get tired of hearing. The flying saucer displayed a three and a half minute countdown during the song which sort of upped the urgency. "Personal Jesus" relied more heavily on Martin's guitar than ever before. Live, it was far more intense than Marilyn Manson's version. "I Feel You," undoubtedly the loudest, rawest Depeche Mode song was a delightful energetic highlight. It was a little awkward with Kristen there, however, since the screens didn't display the band, but instead displayed a girl eager to lose her clothes.

Notable exceptions: "Halo" (a usual live staple and also my very favorite song ever), "Stripped," "People Are People" (never much liked the song, but it probably the one I've heard the most on the radio), "Strangelove," "Condemnation," "Master and Servant" (already mentioned that), "The Bottom Line" (a pretty obscure one, but one of my favorites and I know they do it live on some occasions), "It's No Good," "Dream On" and "I Feel Loved." Maybe next time when they release another greatest hits compilation.

Have you ever noticed that bands rarely play a ton of stuff from their second to last album? "Goodnight Lovers" was the only song from Exciter, but I never realized just how beautiful and fitting a closing song it is. Instead of spanning the stage like they did all night Dave and Martin performed it huddled right next to each other right in front of Andy Fletcher's keyboard pod. It was cozy and warm and a very weird way to end a Depeche Mode show. But it totally worked. At the end of your next wicked long day, get out Exciter and sit back and listen to "Goodnight Lovers." It's blissy.

Wow that's it (three days later)! I can't wait to do this again in three years or so. And get excited for the next show because I really want you to come with me this time.

hell no dolly

Caught New York Doll last night. Quite beautiful. Before I ever heard of the movie I had heard a lot about the New York Dolls. I knew they were practically transvestites, the lead singer became the Buster Poindexter alter-ego and that just about every early punk and new wave band that I respected directly cited the Dolls as a very important influence. They were so mythical that I never even heard a Dolls song before the movie. By the time I heard about the movie I had no idea that one of the members became a Mormon. The thought of that was absurd. Whenever I put on make-up and womens' clothes I think about how un-Mormon I'm being. Strangely, the movie sorts every conflict between piousness and rock 'n roll. Although mentioned, the hedonistic excess of the rock lifestyle aren't emphasized. Our hero wants to return to that world not because he misses the drugs and sex, but for serious spiritual reasons. He again wanted to bring happiness and make life better for those around him and he knew he had a great talent doing that as an entertainer. All the Dolls seemed to have this ideal. More importantly he wanted to re-connect with his former bandmates. He worked at the family history center connecting families to one another and his band was really his estranged family. For once in my life, my religion and my passion for rock music are the same. They're about loving each other. I gotta tell ya, I knew how the movie was going to end, but... I... promisediwouldnt... c... cry.

Go see it. Morrissey is in it! MORRISSEY!

calling all beautiful music fans!

This Saturday my very favorite music band, Depeche Mode, is coming to Utah. By absolutely no coincidence, I have tickets. I need somebody to go with me. If you're a beautiful girl and you're at least a fair-weather fan of me or the band, let me know. Also let me know how much you're willing to pay for a ticket. I'll take the girl with the best beauty-to-ticket payment ratio (or I might just take my brother or something). Seriously, let me know. I HAVE A TICKET FOR YOU (possibly). If you don't want to go, tell all your semi-gothic synth-pop oldschool eighties mistresses. Maybe THEY want to go.

Awwwwww.

Before I stop talking about Halloween, I just had to include this photo of my niece Anna Kate and my nephew Charlie. Charlie grew his hair just to be an awesome Dash. Unfortunately, Anna Kate isn't introverted enough to pull off a convincing Violet, but she's still super super cute anyway.

Hey family, hope you had an awesome Halloween!

day of the dead and bloated

Pictures are pending! Halloween FINALLY came to an end last night, which was really the only actual night of Halloween. Best Halloween in years and years. The past couple have been especially lame. My house really really really came through.

I mentioned that we submitted two very fabulous scary movies to the ward film festival. I did one and Rhett did one. The link to my movie is right here. It's a really big file, so I'm going to prepare a lower-quality internet version to more easily download right here. Also, if you want, you can download the director's commentary version right here. Rhett's movie can be downloaded right here.

We won best group costume at the ward party by going as each original member of KISS (I was Ace, Rhett was Gene, Joe was Paul and we stuck Clint with Peter Criss). The pictures are on the way. In the meantime, see the previous post for a quickie of me. We won a pretty hard bag of snickers.

After all that we invited everybody over to our place for root beer and dancing. Strangely, EVERYBODY actually came. Actually even more than that. We must've been the only party around because quite a few cruisers came in. We didn't know half the ilk who showed. A good time was had though. Even my brilliant, yet Debbie Downer-esque, friend Maria danced all night. This is strange because we never see her dance, but she does talk about dancing all the time. Now if only we had a little more Halloweeny-type music. Anyway, apparently Maria caught a couple getting freaky in my room. I've never even gotten freaky in my room. She didn't get their names, but if you two are out there, I'd really really like your pictures for the purposes of my blog.

So summing up: scored hard on self-made movies, won hard on costumes and was the central location for freaking and getting freaky. We're almost done cleaning up.

On to Thanksgiving. *sigh*