a pixel paints 1024 words

Here's a whole ton of stuff that I've been meaning to talk about, but my brain is too mushy to type about. So pretty much here are a bunch of pictures.

My work is semi-interesting. I'm dealing with thousands of dollars worth of audio and video equipment and sometimes I think it's thousands of dollars worth of complication. I sometimes wish things were back in the land of black & white and mono sound. I feel foolish about everything I don't understand, so it makes me feel pretty good when I find spelling errors on some of this stuff (even when it's a cheap digital audio recorder). Note that it's not just some foreign spelling since it's different in the instruction manual.

I absolutely love Spring snowboarding. It's warm. I get to wear shorts...
There's hardly anyone there (notice how there are no little dots around me)...
... but stuff like this can happen. I didn't hit a tree. This is from skidding across the Spring crystaline-like snow.
So the guy who runs MyExtraLife.com and Extra Life Radio is an acquaintance of mine and he rented out a theater to watch the new Spidermun movie.
Maria and I went and had a great time. She got to meet Scott Johnson (the Extra Life guy), wear her nerdy t-shirt and I got to win a t-shirt. Rhett was going to go, but he got tied up. He also said he didn't really want to deal with the "geek smell." I actually didn't know there was a geek smell. I suppose I actually have the geek smell and am just used to it. The particular day of the show also happened to be Free Comic Book Day. We actually bumped into Scott at the comic book store right after the movie. So it was a pretty fun day. Strangely I don't remember much of the movie.

I bet you're wondering how I got this old picture of the temple. Well, I actually took it, but made it look old. Just ignore the guy in modern clothes in the foreground, the Zions Bank building in the background, the car and the fact that the photo was obviously taken on the grounds of the new Conference Center.
Maria and I have been watching a lot of Curb Your Enthusiasm lately which explains this picture of her looking a lot like Cheryl Hines.


This picture and the one below it and the two above it were taken on one of the first really nice days of the year.
This one is just for my friend Dre. Dre, this TREE is a huge 311 fan. It's somewhere in Salt Lake City. Your job is to find it!
This thing is a true mini like the ones I used to see in New Zealand. Notice that it's way smaller than a normal mini. This particular vehicle was parked at my work one day for some reason.

don't read this if you hate your time being wasted aaagghh!!!

I know I haven't written decently in like a month, so I just have to say that I'm still alive. I also have tons of pictures and a pretty big technological announcement coming very very shortly.

locke's dead!

Say hooray!

Well, maybe he's not dead. He tends to heal quickly like a lesser Wolverine or Heroes cheerleader. He probably is dead though because apparently Terry O'Quinn sold his house in Hawaii.

But if he's not dead, at least he's in a ditch with an abdominal bullet wound and bleeding. Good riddance. He was getting so freaking annoying.

dirty deeds done

You may be wondering why I'm rollin' in the Jacksons. My crew and I have made our fortunes by doing our share of dirty work. Some things I do are things that nobody else would touch.

I'm not sure if I've mentioned Joe before. Actually, I just did a quick search of the blog and I guess I mention Joe quite a bit. He beats me in Guitar Hero all the freakin' time. One thing I'm pretty sure I haven't mentioned is that Joe has an intensely hairy back. After this last Wednesday, I think he may possibly have the hairiest back in the state.

About a week ago, Joe borrowed my camera to enter 101.9 The End's "Bringing Sexy Back" contest. It was a hairy back contest. We always joked with him about his hairiness, but I didn't think he'd make the station's callbacks. He did. The station asked him to come into the studio to compete against two other hairy-backed guys. They also required him to bring in someone else to sculpt his back hair into some kind of artistic statement. Since, my boss was to be out of town the day of the contest, I volunteered to take the day off work to do the deed.

I had one demand: that we didn't just cave to catering by simply writing in the name of the radio station. Joe, Maria and I brainstormed a few pretty good back designs. Maria suggested the rock-on hand sign and wings. Joe loved the rock sign, but i didn't think I'd be able to make it look convincing. I liked the idea of the wings, because a hairy texture is close to a feathered texture; so I talked Joe into doing the wing thing.

We barely made it to the station on time and were escorted into the studio. We met Parker and Wendi, the two newest personalities on The End. He pretty much talks non-stop about how the Utah audience hates him. Nicer in person than I thought though. Wendi was super-nice, but slightly forlorn. His picture on the website makes him look like a total db, but his hair isn't actually that peroxided in person. One of the other guys was our age. He brought his sister with him. Both of the other guys were bigger gentleman, but the guy who came with his wife was quite a bit bigger. He was also a bit older. His wife did a lot of complaining about how weird it is to cuddle up with a guy with a hairy back. Anyway, they started off jabbing off with us for an unnecessary amount of time. I brought in my iRiver FM receiver to record the experience, but the reception in there was strangely bad. Maybe I should have just turned the microphone recorder on. I'll try to post what I got anyway.

I didn't think we really had a chance of winning until it was time to have everyone take their shirts off. The young guy was about as hairy as Joe, but the guy with the complaining wife hardly had anything. Hopefully after seeing the other contestants, she'll quit her yappin.' So then they gave us about 15 minutes to go ahead and work our magic. We forgot an electric razor, but the station provided a couple of them for us. We were prepared in just about every other way. I sharpied up some key locations, so that I could get the symmetry of the wings right (I still got it quite a bit wrong). We also brought some razor blades to do some close cutting on the edges for a deeper contrast, but they were only good for a swipe or two before they became clogged up with hair and useless (it's not like we had running hot water to rinse them out with). I messed up plenty on the texturing. I wanted to sort of make the triangular shape of feathers, but when I did I wound up taking off more hair than I wanted to (because of the curl variable etc.) and we wound up with plenty of very unneeded baldness. Because of this, I panicked and to Joe's chagrin I touched up the whole project with some sharpie outlining.

When time was up and we got a glimpse of the other contestants, I had a sudden surge of hope. To my delight, BOTH of the other teams went with the butt-kissing "101.9 The End" design that I vetoed initially. They also went overboard in coloring their poorly shaved designs with magic markers. We had to tell a couple of people what our design was, but once we told them, they ahh'ed with mild delight. The judges were the sponsors (a husband and wife team from the laser treatment place called Evea) and an up-and-coming Georgia band intensely loved by Parker called Five Star Iris (a sort of blend of Gin Blossoms, Keith Urban and an EFY tape).

After a short dismissal, we got back into the studio where the Evea guy (who has almost no body hair, btw) announced that Joe won (say hooray!).

After the contest, we were treated to a free mini-concert by Five Star Iris. They're pretty nice guys. Good thing, because nobody really knows who they are yet, so they'd be dumb to be divas already. After the show we chatted and got our picture taken with them.

The contest prize was $200 (which Joe split evenly with me (hence the top photo)) and three free laser treatments, which I guess Joe will start participating in around Memorial Day or so. Of course If Joe wants to do it right, he'll have to order three MORE treatments after his free ones at close to a cost of 1000 bucks. In essence, the laser people will ultimately hustle him into it. On the other hand, the poor hairy guy has been meaning to do this for a long time, so he may as well get a huge discount on the process. Looks like Joe won't be the hairiest guy in the state for too much longer.

three things i learned at work today

There's been a theory floating around that one way to help overcome allergies is to consume honey that has been produced locally. Since bees make honey from the local pollen containing the allergens that cause allergic symptoms, eating local honey sort of produces an immunity in much the same way that vaccinations do. Rhett and I have thrown around this theory for the past few months. Today I found out at least two (2) people on the internet subscribe to the same theory. Although that doesn't prove its truth, the fact that I didn't stumble across anybody refuting the theory certainly doesn't dispel it. Of course they do recommend starting the "honey treatment" of a teaspoon a day three months in advance of allergy season. My allergies aren't nearly as bad as last year (when I actually saw a doctor because I was convinced I had more than mere allergies), but they've been pretty bad the past couple of weeks.

Years ago I read that the original guitarist for the Red Hot Chili Peppers wanted to take action against the band because he wrote much of their first album and was shortly thereafter tactlessly fired from the band. It was probably about 15 years ago that I read that. Since then in every single magazine I've read and every single tv show I've seen that has had something to do with the Peppers I've been told that Hillel Slovak was the original guitarist and he died of a heroin overdose in 1988. Finally, a quick check on wikipedia informed me that Slovak was actually the original guitarist, but was also in another band with a record contract when the Peppers cut their first record. Slovak temporarily committed with the other band and re-joined RHCP after their first album was already recorded. The Peppers recruited a guy named Jack Sherman just for that first recording. I recall reading in that original article that the fired guitarist claimed that Anthony Kiedis and Flea were ridiculously abusive to him and that when they fired him they walked into the room giggling. Sherman's wikipedia entry didn't mention such abuse, but I can only conclude that the guy I read about must be him, even though we never ever hear about him being a part of the band.

(Speaking of the Red Hot Chili Peppers, I also read that when Slovak died, their original drummer, Jack Irons (who was also in that other band (called What Is This?) with Slovak), said to the rest of the band, "This is not where I want to be. I do not want to be a part of something where my #*&$ing friends are dying." He then immediately left the band. Strangely, in the small world of rock music, he was asked to join a band called Mookie Blaylock. He declined, having formed a band of his own, but referred a singer to them by the name of Eddie Vedder. Mookie Blaylock later became Pearl Jam and Irons drummed (dram?) for them anyway between 1994 and 1998).

The weird creature I've seen crawling around our house isn't an alien, but just a house centipede. It looks pretty monstrous and unholy, but wikipedia claims that these things are actually great to have around because they cause no damage and consume unwanted pests. Plus, they don't really bite that often. Late last night I saw it and since it looked so different from a regular centipede I thought it might actually be an alien. I then imagined that it communicated with me that its species was dying and it needed milk or sugar or something to survive. It came to me because the species didn't want a lot of "Earth press" and they'd love to strike a deal under the table where the entire scientific and political community of the planet would not come down on them. I then readily agreed and in return for whatever nutrients they'd need, I would hire them as extras in a really awesome horror movie about bugs from outer space. Soon the celebrity would get to me and I'd inadvertently sever the deal and then the space bugs would kill me and most of Earth out of self-defense.

a non-joking aside

So I've totally lost count of how many jokes I've told so far this week. What's even worse is that I can't think of a single joke I've refrained from saying that I could tell at the end of the week. What that means is that even when I set a goal, put a time measurement on it and then tell everyone I'm doing it; I still don't bother to accomplish it. It's pretty depressing, especially coupled with an even deeper feeling that I automatically attempt humor as a defense mechanism. Does anybody remember that M*A*S*H where Hawkeye went 24 hours without telling a joke? He wanted to prove that he wasn't insecure. Even he made it 24 hours.

Anyway, badder news blending into better news...

Scott, the guy who runs the extralife link on the side of my blog page, recently made an open talent call for a new video game podcast he and this guy Blake are starting up. You can read the original call for entries here. I figured I'd totally try out even though at the time I decided to I didn't actually own a microphone or a Skype connection. I figured I'd worry about it if they actually liked what they heard, but more likely I would just fail and not have to worry about it.

A couple of nights ago I made a goal to finally get my audition mp3 sent over to him. That night was absolutely horrible. I already recorded my voice at work and some Nintendo sound effects onto my iRiver mp3 player the night before. I actually went a little crazy the night before because I couldn't find my double 1/8" wire (pretty much a wire with a headphone jack on both ends). This is pretty serious since it's the wire I had to buy to replace the wire my former boss stole from me (that's probably worth a story sometime). I did find a similar wire, but for some reason it recorded the Nintendo sound effects pretty low. I figured it would be no big deal since I shouldn't have any problem increasing the volume (it's a different story altogether if the volume was too loud and permanently distorted). Now all I had to do was edit the thing together, export it and email it. Unfortunately, both Soundtrack (non-Pro) and Garageband don't have (at least that I could find, I'm still new to this Mac thing (I should really name that thing, maybe it'll be more forgiving after I do)) a very good system of straight-forward audio amplification. I wound up downloading Audacity, a scrappy little free program I used to use all the time when I recorded the FreeCapitalist show. It let me down, though, when it couldn't read Soundtrack's mega bizarro sound files. After an inability to locate the mp3 conversion of the files by iTunes I finally wound up burning the audio to cd and then ripping the same cd back onto the computer I just burned from. As someone who even partially considers himself a computer user, I found the process sickening. Afterward I discovered the missing mp3 files were actually in a pretty obvious place after all. Must've been incredibly tired and agitated. Anyway (ever notice that I'm only long-winded when I talk about computer problems?) I compiled my voice (taken from three separate takes) with clips from the Wii main menu, Trauma Center: Second Opinion and the original Legend of Zelda. At 1 am, I emailed the completed mp3, by that time not really caring about the impeccable quality I was planning for. All I cared about was that my assignment was finished (a strategy I used through all of college) and that it could be sent to Scott and Blake (the other host of the future podcast).

I bet since I had such a hard time putting the thing together, they'll totally want me to do it. So... should I tell them I don't actually have Skype (yet)?

i've only told six jokes so far

That last entry was written very poorly and I apologize. Now is about the time I automatically tell a joke. Today I discovered that I really have to think about not being in a humorous mood. I think it might be a defense mechanism or a stress reliever or something.

Getting on with things, I've already had a really hard time and have actually given in a few times. Here are the jokes I slipped up on (marvel at how stupid they are that I totally sold out my integrity so soon):

1. During our V.I.P. Media morning meeting my boss, Pete, said that our latest video project was shown at some kind of library fundraiser that raised $100,000. I responded with "So, what's our cut?" This was almost not a joke, since I kind of legitimately wanted to know how much the company makes during these things. I didn't get an answer, though, so I guess it was just a joke.

2. During the same meeting, Chad, a co-worker mentioned that when he was in school he took a sound class. For the final, the professor removed all the sound effects from the movie Silverado and the class took about a month to develop the sound effects and re-edit them into the movie. I said, "So you didn't just rent Silverado and put the same effects back in?"

3. We got new candy in the candy bowl at work. One of the candies is actually called "Mary Jane." I had to ask, "So do we just eat this? Does anyone have a lighter?"

4. I've been consistently coming into work at 9:15 am. Pete told me that we're meeting at Village Inn tomorrow at 8:30 am to award the winning bracket of the office March Madness contest. I said "There's an 8:30 am now?" Of course this is really an example of a totally different type of joke that I'm trying to overcome. It's pretty much a direct Simpsons quote.

5. Jarem was at my house with his girlfriend, Chantel, and he got on the phone with his mom to ask her if Chantel could come over for dinner on Wednesday. Suddenly, Mike and Rhett started yelling about coming along too until Jarem finally asked his mom if they could come too. After all the commotion died out I uttered, "I'm so very hungry." Same thing as joke five. That was a direct Futurama quote.

6. Chantel remarked that my customized Catan game just needed one adjustment to make an island of each resource. I told her, "I'll take it up with the committee," referring strictly to myself. It could be argued that the remark isn't a joke at all. It's also a longshot quote from Empire Strikes Back. Han said aloud to "Take it up with the committee," to which Leia yelled back, "I am not a committee!"

Also, since I made this list of six i was watching the big basketball game tonight and when the ball was passed to an exceptionally short player I instinctively yelled "dunk it!"

*sigh* See? these jokes aren't even that funny.

Okay, that's not a very good start, I admit it.

lent on loan

I'm taking a miniature Lent break in this week before Easter. For the next seven days I'm giving up humor for Lent. I haven't decided if I can still write humor in the blog or not or if I can still say, "ever see that Simpsons where..." Mostly I'll be getting rid of sarcasm.

It may actually be a nice break. I'm hoping it won't be hard at all. For the past 20 years or so in just about every situation I'm concentrating on thinking of something funny to say. I know a lot of jokey people sometimes just want to "be taken seriously," which is a pretty annoying phrase, so sorry for saying it. Sometimes I'm concerned that I don't take myself seriously. Now maybe I can concentrate on more serious things.

So I'm not going to be telling any jokes from now until this Sunday evening. If something pops up in my head, I'll write it down and totally tell you later.

the golden age of wireless

It's been a little while so I'm pretty obligated to post at least a musing (not necessarily amusing).

People who know me pretty well know that I have a constant fear and giddy anticipation for the time when technology officially enslaves mankind. It's portrayed in a majority of science fiction literature and film, so I think I'm preparing pretty well. One of the major perks to it all is actually becoming a cyborg. Usually cyborgs are portrayed as half-breed zombies with less humanity than even their "full-blooded" android cousins. Thanks a lot Star Trek. I don't think that cyborgs necessarily need such a bad rep. I think done right, we could have the best of biology and technology literally at our fingertips... actually that's a bad expression to use since it would be literally within our fingertips. Man! That's quite a concept when my semi-hyperbole expressions don't even come close to making the point.

Sorry, that was too many words.

There's an incredible cd (that I don't own) by Thomas Dolby called The Golden Age of Wireless. I believe the American version came out in 1982. It was repackaged with his hit single "She Blinded Me With Science" that you've probably heard. Don't confuse this particular album with The Age of Plastic by The Buggles which came out a year or two earlier and contained the hit "Video Killed the Radio Star," although both albums contain several of the themes I'm talking about here. That's one thing I love about early 80s synth-pop -- while a lot of the 90s alternative described how we feel now, the 80s stuff I'm talking about talked a lot about how we live now.

Whoops, I forgot to mention why wonderful wireless is relevant to what I was talking about before. You may be able to tell that I'm EXTREMELY tired at the moment. Have I mentioned how I gauge my level of energy? I probably have, but I'll mention it again anyway. However much energy my cel phone has is precisely how much energy I have. My functionality is directly related to my most important wireless device. Now my video games and a bunch of other stuff are all wireless too. Being a cyborg isn't too bad, now that we've surpassed all those ugly wires sticking out of us. Who says we need to actually look like zombies?

So anyway, I don't know if this is related to the upcoming revolution or just my intense weariness of late, but I was studying the Final Cut Pro instruction manual today and I was very impressed at how empathetic the technical writing was concerning instructing me on developing my own editing style. I nearly cried.

the 24/7 full moon.

I've spoken before about a technological curse I've had over the past few years (I've also spoken of it here and here and here and here and here and here). Just to sum up: computers don't work when I use them.

I hoped to rid myself of the curse by switching over to a Mac. I sort of explained my reasons for wanting to do so, but let me make it more clear. It's not necessarily because I think Macs are better. It's that PCs and I obviously don't work well together. It's kind of like The Police. Three awesome musicians in the biggest band in the world and they need to break up because although they're individually incredible, they were incredibly destructive in a group setting. Of course I actually heard that Sting once said that he left The Police because he was finally rich enough to hire real musicians. I'm pretty sure that's not an accurate quote, but I sure hope it is. Who knows, maybe just like The Police, I'll get back together with a PC in 20 years.

So anyway, I haven't mentioned this yet, but my unnamed Mac has had some problems. Not big, mind you. Not big at all. For some reason the packaged musical loops in Garageband didn't register with that program. I knew the loop files actually existed, but I couldn't open them up directly in Garageband for some reason. Strangely, everyone else I know who got a Mac at the same time I did (I know three people who got one within a month of my getting one) did not have this same problem. Curses!

So I tried physically moving the files around like it said to do in an online help file I found. Nope. I tried reinstalling the loops from an original cd. That didn't work either. Apparently, even though it was a minor problem, it was a very original one. This last Thursday I finally took the unnamed to the Apple Store. They have a Genius Bar there for people with computer questions. My "genius" uninstalled, reinstalled, moved files and turned stuff off and on for two hours. Nothing. The problem was completely new. It was solved, however. One of the other "geniuses" discovered that there were text files in the loop file that were somehow interfering with the folder's function. He removed them and it worked, but not before telling me that such a thing made no sense since those text files are actually supposed to be there and are there on other Macs with no problems.

I wish Macs and PCs weren't so compatible. Obviously, they've been talking to each other about me.

air conditioning in hell

Three big things happened today.

I turned on the A/C in my car. Usually, I save this event specifically for St. Patrick's day, as evidenced three years ago. Today I had Abel with me and he was on the phone, so I thought it would be a bad idea to roll the windows down. I still would've switched the A/C on for the drive home. It's going to be a nice, warm year. We're one day ahead of schedule.

I started my new job today. Yes, I work in the same building and yes, I'm still officially a "sound engineer;" but this time I'm completely away from the dull nightmare that is The FreeCapitalist Project. Now I just have to do what I've always done, but with a Mac. Good thing I brought this one home to practice on.

On the way home today I passed one of those company signs with the moving crawl that gives time and temperature as well as other announcements and ads. As I read it, I passed through an overpass or something so the salutation part of one message was cut off and I only caught the end of the next message. To me, the sign said, "Hell... apply within."

how to live in salt lake city on 130 dollars a day

So Maria and I have been wondering where all our money has been going. Each of us decided to keep track of our own money for a week. Here's my personal report:

Monday, 5 March
$95.46 -- cable/internet bill is due!
$22.95 -- I got an email from amazon informing me that the ridiculously expensive deluxe cd/dvd reissue of Depeche Mode's Black Celebration just went up for pre-order. I got 20% off, but after shipping it still came to the aforementioned price. I love their music, but they can really really skewer their fans. I've thought about making that a post in itself after also buying the re-issues of Speak & Spell, Music for the Masses, Violator and Songs of Faith and Devotion.
$21.46 -- gasoline
$25.85 -- Smith's grocery shopping. I think I got aluminum foil and eggs.

Tuesday, 6 March
$420.00 -- rent (one day late)!
$12.00 -- solo lunch at Red Robin (souper sandwich combo (whiskey chicken and tortilla soup)). I love eating solo, but I hate tipping solo. What really sucks is that usually the server doesn't know that I have guilty solo tipping feelings, so they don't go out of their way to serve because they think I'll only tip 15% on an eight dollar meal.
$65.00 -- Monica's birthday dinner at Ichiban. It was Maria, Monica and me. We split three sushi rolls: the X96, the lotus and (I think) the dynamo. We also had them specially make us some katsudonburi which isn't on the menu anymore. The service was exemplary and Monica took us to Hard Rock for dessert later that night.

Wednesday, 7 March
$198.20 -- while driving to Provo my front passenger tire exploded. I strangely fixed it all by myself. I was wondering when a cop was going to show up and help, but it's a good thing it didn't happen because surely the authorities would have found all the illegal fireworks in my trunk. Anyway, I had to get a new tire at Big O and asked them to re-align. Apparently they didn't do a good job last time because I was feeling a lot of vibration which, in hindsight, must have been the bad tire rubbing up against the car somewhere.

Thursday, 8 March
$1.00 -- went window shopping at the Gateway Mall, but mistakenly gave the parking guy one my spare movie validations instead of a normal validation. The movie validations only reduce
the parking fee to a dollar. As usual, I felt too dumb to hand him another validation so i coughed up the dough.

Friday, 9 March
$0.00 -- stayed inside all day, afraid to spend money.

Saturday, 10 March
$1.77 -- after helping someone with a stinky cat move, I had to curb my coughing with a bottled o.j. at the local gas station.
$25.31 -- local gas
$6.78 -- quick Smith's stop to nab sandwich turkey, Swiss cheese and Ritz crackers
$3.00 -- in a car making a McDonald's run. I get something small: 6 chicken mcnuggets. Doing the math I discover that it's 50 cents a mcnugget.

Sunday, 11 March
$0.00 -- fortunately I was sick in bed. Otherwise the Church would have milked a few pretty pennies from me since both tithing and fast offerings were due.

i owe you a couple of pictures

Here's the story of our bout at The World Series of Pop Culture that I promised:
Also, I'm only now recovering from my XXX birthday party. One thing I forgot to mention, though, is that ever since I was a kid I started a tradition to carry a 1977 quarter in my pocket on my birthday and then tape it into my journal that night. Every year I was pretty hit and miss with the concept. For the past few years my public blog has pretty much overtaken my private journal and I've written next to nothing in it. As a result I'm posting the 1977 quarter I carried with me the night of my 30th birthday.
Btw, because of this tradition I collect 1977 quarters. And this one is my very last one. If you know of any, let me know (or I guess with the advances of the digital age I could just post the same one every year).

wiini wiidi wiici

Finally! Wii footage! Here is the inaugural two-player tennis game played by Rhett and me. I must point out that by this time Rhett had amassed a tennis ranking of over 2000 while my ranking was at a measly 600. It was like David vs. Agassi Goliath.

don't trust me seven days ago

Ok, I'm going to commit myself. I'm finally going to post some photos from my birthday party a week ago. As I type this, I don't have access to the photos since I'm at work, but at least it'll sort of guarantee that I'll do it sometime tonight (so if you actually check this out between 5:30 and an undisclosed time a few hours after that you won't actually see any photos below).

Cinnamon did a great job getting most of the candids and my still-unnamed iMac took the photos of the t-shirts.

help a brotha and sista out... they're not related... yet

My friends Sally and Tim are getting married. Yay!

Anyway, real quick I just need to mention that they get a FREE WEDDING if you vote for them at this site here:

http://www.bridalguide.com/sweeps/brideoftheyear/BrideOfTheYear.cfm

Apparently, you can vote as many times as you want and the voting stops tomorrow, so get crackin'!

(Sorry I didn't post this earlier, Sal)

a birthday gift from page and brin

TONS of photos of my wonderful birthday are on the way.

In the meantime, here's something worth mentioning real quick. About a week ago, I discovered that after what, three years I think, my website finally wound up as the top hit when you search "jon madsen" in Google.

At least that was the case a week ago. I just checked a minute ago and I'm not numero uno anymore. Perhaps now that my birthday is over, the folks at Google bumped me down to number 2 (after a "john," nonetheless). Maybe they took my advice not to trust me after 30.

housekeeping you want mint for pillow?

I'm not adding anything to my blog right now. I'm merely deleting. My 'links' space is getting a bit bloated, so I'm just gonna clean it up a little bit. I may have taken your link off. Don't be offended! If you want me linking to you, I totally will. For the time being, I think I'll link to people who comment on my blog and then start the whole process over again next month.

oscar hopes with an hour and fifteen mintues to spare

I was pretty rushed with this, so I'm only going to focus on what I want to win, not what will actually win. It was still pretty hard to figure that out though, since there were only a few Oscar-contender movies that I actually saw this past year (Little Miss Sunshine, Dreamgirls, The Queen, Monster House, Pirates of the Caribean: Dead Man's Chest, The Prestige, The Illusionist, Marie Antoinette, An Inconvenient Truth, Superman Returns). As a result, I have to go a lot on what trusted friends and critics have said about these films (and sometimes just titles alone).

Screenplay -- Adapted
Children of Men

Screenplay -- Original
Little Miss Sunshine

Visual Effects
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest

Sound Mixing
Dreamgirls

Sound Editing
Apocalypto

Short Film -- Live Action
West Bank Story

Short Film -- Animated
No Time For Nuts

Original Song
"Patience" -- Dreamgirls

Original Score
Pan's Labyrinth

Makeup
Pan's Labyrinth

Foreign Language Film
Pan's Labyrinth

Film Editing
The Departed

Documentary Short
Recycled Life

Documentary Feature
Jesus Camp

Costume Design
Marie Antoinette

Cinematography
Children of Men

Art Direction
Pan's Labyrinth

Animated Feature
Monster House

Supporting Actress
Jennifer Hudson

Leading Actress
Helen Mirren

Supporting Actor
Eddie Murphy

Leading Actor
Peter O'Toole

Directing
The Departed

Best Picture
Little Miss Sunshine

stuff i'd like for my birthday

Here are some dvds of TV shows I totally wouldn't mind owning:

The Prisoner
Star Trek -- The Animated Series
Cowboy Bebop: The Complete Sessions
Eerie Indiana
Family Ties
Red Dwarf
The Twilight Zone

I don't have time right now to provide Amazon links, but you shouldn't have too hard a time finding these (with the exceptions of The Prisoner (a weird British show from the 60s) and The Complete Sessions of Cowboy Bebop (I've seen the episodes sold separately for a pretty high fee, but I know they have all episodes on only three discs somewhere).

I also need a zip-up comfortable black ninja hoodie. My old one is really wearing out.

A really really nice thing to do would be to go over to my house, get your credit card out and put some buying points on my Wii so that I can buy some old school Nintendo and Sega games.

There are still a couple of things from my Christmas list that I didn't get (don't get me a Wii or a Zune). Prepare to spend a bundle!

Since I eat out pretty much every day, some restaraunt gift cards would be really swell.

But of course, surprises are the best. You can really surprise me with geeky books or movies of some kind. Most people who know me know I'm a geek. What they don't know, however, is I'm secretly WAY geekier than I let on.

Remember my party this Tuesday!

EDIT: I totally forgot a huge item that I want... another Wii remote. My clan has been aching to play two player tennis since DAY ONE!

catch some v.d. for '07

Hey wow! I just realized that my last post was my 100th! Good job me!

I meant to post the following a week ago. For the record, I had a pretty nice Valentine's Day. I convinced Maria to stay in and we stayed in with takeout and watched Lost (this is the third entry in a row to reference Lost (how pathetic)).

Anyway, for the first time in four years I made a Valentine's cd. It used to be something I did every two years, but for whatever reason I didn't put the effort in since 2003. Here's the playlist. Notice the cinematic and television quotes. Thanks to Garageband, I was able to sneak a few gems of dialogue in. See if you can tell where the quotes come from.

1. ("You're asking me out? That's so cute! What was your name again?")
"Trouble Sleeping" by Corinne Bailey Rae

2. ("It's just void... Maybe she's retarded")

3. "Human Nature" by Michael Jackson

4. ("...this girl's really turning me on!")
"Damn Girl" by Justin Timberlake

5. ("Who're you?" "Whoever you want me to be.")
"Rabbit and the Moon" by Joseph Arthur

6. ("...Besides, you're a Romulan")
"I Want to be the Boy to Warm Your Mother's Heart" by The White Stripes

7. ("I can't believe my grandmother actually... " "What's happenin' Hot Stuff?")
"Into Temptation" by Crowded House

8. ("We're not mass married...")
"I Wanna Get Married" by Nellie McKay

9. ("... we can always get divorced")
"Europa and the Pirate Twins" by Thomas Dolby


10. ("... you're a hottie!...")
"Woman" by Wolfmother as performed by Jon Madsen, the Guitar Hero

11. ("Understand I was in love with the girl... or at least in lust")
"I Got You" by Split Enz

12. ("Let's go talk about our superior relationship...")
"Bang Bang (My Baby Shot Me Down)" by Nancy Sinatra

13. ("...I have fallen in like with you...")
"My Heart is Breaking Down" by Caesars

14. ("...A-ha! Black panties!...")

15. "You're Gonna Miss Me" by The 13th Floor Elevators

16. ("...Allergic? To Dancin'?...")
"Piano Song" by Erasure

17. ("Flash, I love you, but we only have 14 hours to save the Earth!")
"Goodnight Lovers" by Depeche Mode

So if you want a copy of the cd, shoot me an email. Maybe I can gift my playlist to you too.

as long as i'm talking about lost...

So whenever people talk about Lost with me they always ask, "Hey Jon, how did Michael and Walt boat off the island and Desmond couldn't?" I'll now provide the answer even though nobody has actually ever asked me that question.



I've provided a quick sketch of the island below. On it you should see icons representing the two pieces of the plane, Rosseau's house, the hatch and the Others' dock. More importantly, be sure to identify the large mountainy hill in the center of the island, Michael's boat and the black lines representing the electro-magnetic pull emanating from the hatch.

Feel free to click on the image to embiggen it during the following explanation. Desmond could not leave the island because some sort of force, like gravity, kept bringing him back. I assume that this force is concentrated at the hatch. We saw the full potential of the "hatch-pull" when the button on the hatch was not pushed. The pull was strong enough to bring a jet plane crashing straight into the island. Although the effects of the hatch pull are alleviated by the pushing of the button, its reach still has considerable power. While it's not bringing down jet planes, it is preventing boats from escaping. The hatch-pull effects aren't noticeable on the island itself (unless the button isn't pushed, in which case stuff goes flyin' everywhere), but are very noticeable for someone trying to escape. The hatch-pull, like a puddle ripple, actually gets stronger before it dissipates. This is shown on the drawing by the solid black semi-circle outside of the dotted semi-circles. Escape is possible, once outside the influence of the pull.

I used to play a really fun video game called Starcontrol that used a similar phenomenon. In the game you'd pilot a spaceship engaged in one-on-one space battles with an enemy. You and your nemesis always fought around some sort of gravity well, a moon or planet. Every once in a while you tended to get stuck in the planet's gravitational pull and needed to struggle to overcome it. This often brought your ship to a helpless halt while your enemy pretty much destroyed you. As I got better at the game, I discovered that when I could more easily get unstuck out of the gravity well if I thrusted in a parallel direction from the planet rather than perpendicular to it. When I got really good at the game I could actually use the planet's gravity to slingshot me away at a much greater speed than my ship was normally capable of. The Voyager Probe used a similar strategy when it traversed our solar system.

Okay, stay with me a little. Sailors are often in a similar situation when it comes to wind. They can't just sail against the wind, they need to tack sideways back and forth to head in that general direction. It's not necessarily gravity or wind, but I imagine a similar strategy would need to be used in boating away from the effects of the hatch-pull. Most of the hatch-pull could very well be strong enough that this strategy wouldn't work, but its effects might not be absolute over every location. This is where I theorize a large mountainous hill near to proximity to the hatch interferes with the hatch-pull ripple. The force of the hatch-pull still extends beyond the mountainous hill, but its effect is weakened. It might be just weak enough to allow Michael to tack alongside the weak force enough for his escape from the pull. I imagine if he boated directly away from the island, there would still be enough force to bring him back.

Desmond may have tried to tack with the island from time to time, but he would have been unsuccessful unless he did so at the perfect position in line with the hatch and the mountainous hill. Since The Others have control of that area, there is no possible way to boat off the island.

Does this mean that Michael and Walt are alive and well and back in the real world? Not likely. The Others couldn't let him get away and lead anybody else to their location. They at least need to keep tabs on him.

Will we see Michael and Walt again? Yes and no. Michael still ought to face those he betrayed. The kid who plays Walt is probably armpit-deep in puberty right now so they can't bring him back without another plot twist explaining how the kid suddenly became a teen-ager in 40 days. The plot twist would be reviled by the the viewership because it would be obvious that they invented it just because of the inconvenience of the actor's age. So if we hear of Walt again, it will be of his death.

This may all be moot though since the hatch imploded. Maybe that means there is no hatch-pull anymore and Michael got away for THAT reason. It would be hilarious if the hatch implosion actually aided Michael's escape and The Others suddenly have no idea where he and Walt went off to. That also means that the Oceanic passengers can now escape... if only they didn't get their boat taken away.

have i mentioned this before?

Don't you hate it when you see your ideas portrayed on television before you could even break into the medium? I say this in regard of the last episode of Lost. I need to hurry and comment on it before the new episode airs anyway.

When I was a kid I had a lot of deja vu. A lot. Seriously I recognized what it was several years before even learning the term. Of course, just learning what it was called didn't really explain it. Has anyone explained it? As far as I know, the first time anybody tried to explain the actual phenomenon to me was only relatively recently when I watched The Matrix for the first time. So as a kid, it was up to me to explain it. As far as I knew, I was the only one who ever experienced it and I came up with the most logical thing I could think of.

I figured that at some point in my distant future, I would come across a time machine or some kind of space-time anomaly. When you're a kid and the year 2000 was only 15 or so years away, such thinking was not too crazy. So anyway, through whatever time conveyance, I would become a time traveler and choose to go back in time. My reason for this would probably be to meet myself and give myself advice about life or something. Little would I realize that certain laws of matter would need to be obeyed and it wouldn't just be like Back to the Future where during my period in another time there would just be two of me. No. Instead I would just be transferred back into the body and consciousness of my former self, because I'd break a cosmic law of some sort if two of the exact same entity existed in the same universe. Now, since I inhabited the same consciousness as before I would have no memory of my time travel and would then continue my life all over again as if nothing happened. My future self would have absolutely no influence on how I re-lived my life up to the point that I re-discover the method of time travel. I would then make the exact same decision to go back in time and infinitely repeat the process. I would become immortal in the sense that I would never die, but damned to any sort of progression or relief from this life. Even if the universe ended at some point, it would be a point I would never come across.

Deja vu happened not because things merely seemed familiar, but because things were exactly the same. Somehow, in all the infinite loops, some shadows of past perception got clogged up in the mix. Of course, even a small change in perception could possibly lead to a change in action, but the concept itself frightened me a little. Even though my decisions wouldn't actually be determined by anyone but me, a sense of fate still pervaded the entire scenario.

So last Wednesday I see Lost and my concept is pretty much all right there. I'll never get my dues. What's worse is that I'll never get my dues over and over again.

Anyway, I'm curious how they play out this whole fate thing in the Lost universe. Fate really is an uncool device. The decisions characters make have no dynamic when they're supposed to make those decisions anyway. It pretty much takes away all the glee that comes with heroism and all the despair that comes with failure. What's left? Boredom. This whole situation with Desmond is pretty eastern religiony. The point of many eastern religions is that escape from the cycle of rebirths is not only possible, but ideal. Although, it would give me a lot of enjoyment if Lost totally teases the whole "overcoming fate thing" and then pulls the rug out. Suddenly we're left to realize that Desmond can't escape his destiny, Locke really can be told what he can't do and the others really are the good guys... but only because the victors write the history books.

By the way, I still can't explain deja vu, but I hardly ever have it anymore. Does that mean escaped my infinity crisis loop? Did all that deja vu actually change my actions? Did I actually overcome? Strangely, as the world gets less and less familiar, I wonder if whatever I've done has been for the good.

my freecapitalist review of idiocracy (may as well pad the blog with a bit of already seen filler)

A few weeks ago, FreeCapitalist.com reviewed a movie called Children of Men. That particular film involves a dramatic future dystopia about the decline of humanity because of the loss of principles. Strangely, this wasn’t the only film from 2006 to address this particular scenario.
Idiocracy certainly isn’t nearly as highbrow as Children of Men. The most obvious difference is the fact that Idiocracy is actually a straight-up comedy. The film comes from the bizarre mind of Mike Judge, the guy who got famous for introducing Beavis and Butt-head to the world. Idiocracy gets its laughs from many of the common comedic areas of today; i.e. kicks to certain places, certain off-color word usage and more than one joke about a certain place where human waste is consumed. But beyond all that modern comedic sludge, the stinging element linking Children of Men and Idiocracy is the similar principled message both portray.

In Idiocracy we are introduced to Joe Bauers (Luke Wilson), a lowly clerk in the present-day military. Joe makes no secret that he wants to just coast through his service and stewardship. He secures a lazy job in a nearly never-visited part of the archives department. Joe’s understanding and attitude are summed up quite well in an exchange between him and a colleague. The colleague comes to inform him that their supervisor is re-assigning Joe to a different department. Joe is distraught. “I don’t understand it,” he says “Whenever I’m asked to lead, follow or get of the way; I always get out of the way.” Joe’s colleague gives Joe one of many lessons he’ll learn throughout the movie, “When he says ‘Lead, follow or get out of the way,’ he doesn’t want you to get out of the way. He wants to inspire you to lead, or at the very least, shame you into following.”

It turns out Joe’s new assignment is to test out the military’s new cryogenics program. He’s scheduled to hibernate for a year, but something goes awry, the cryogenics program is discontinued and Joe wakes up hundreds of years in the future. Joe quickly discovers that the world is now inhabited by the dumbest humans in Earth’s history. A question on the IQ test Joe takes shortly after arriving asks him, “If you have a two gallon bucket and a five gallon bucket, how many buckets do you have?” After getting in trouble with the law, Joe escapes a prison sentence by informing the prison guard that he’s actually supposed to be in the line of prisoners getting OUT of prison, not in.

Not only are these people not intelligent, but they have no familiarity with the concept of people as assets. This is evidenced by Carl’s Jr.’s slogan of the future: “Carl’s Jr… F*** you, I’m eating.” They also seek for something for nothing at every possible turn. Hospital waiting rooms contain slot machines that pay out free health care if the user is lucky. One member of the president’s cabinet got the job by winning a contest. Society has the false assumptions that productivity is not a standard and that their collective action actually has authority. Because of these philosophies, the world’s crop supply is dying because the people spray them with a Gatorade-type energy drink instead of water.

Joe soon realizes that the idiots he’s dealing with are the descendants of people with attitudes just like his. Through Joe’s vivid object lesson, he also learns that he’s tended to neglect his own self-value and society would actually struggle without his nurturing of his own stewardship. Soon, rather than coasting along in this new world, Joe attempts to bring principles and intelligence to the people for their benefit as well as his.

Obviously, this film, like most science fiction, is meant to be a commentary on today’s society and where we’re headed. Like Children of Men it teaches that people are assets. It also points us toward making the best of our own self-interest and thereby improving society rather than leeching from it. Of course, there are a lot of fart jokes on the way there.

Jon Madsen is the sound engineer for FreeCapitalist Radio and co-host of The Abel Hour.

don't trust me seven days from now

My birthday is exactly one week from today. Please come to my house on Tuesday the 27th to say farewell to the last aspects of whatever youth I have left. This particular event will be a propaganda message t-shirt party. Wear a t-shirt with a message on it. If you don't, one will be provided for you(it might not be a message that you uphold, so you'll be better off if you're not a killjoy). Feel free to bring extra t-shirts to help us out with the lame-os. Drinks (probably water) and hors devours (probably condiment packets) will be provided. If you have any questions, talk to me or Maria.

*sigh. Seven days left. Hoo boy.

pillage of the damned

I have been buying way too much stuff lately. Way too much.

I finally flipped out about it when I bought the iPod on Saturday. Maria pointed out that I haven't actually regrat (it's a word, c'mon!) any specific one of my purchases. I've only regrat the entire catalog of purchases as a whole. Every huge purchase I've made in the past few weeks has been in contention to be the best purchase of my life.

1. Guitar Hero II for the Playstation 2: Maria's already discussed this in great detail.

2. Guitar Hero II wireless guitar: Hey, how can I play Guitar Hero without wailing on someone to show off my dominance? Of course, Joe constantly beats me and that severely affects my manhood.

3. 24-hour fitness gym membership: My goal is to have the arms of a human being.

4. Those sunglasses you see in the previous post: I can't board in goggles! I've got an image to maintain.

5. As-yet-unnamed-iMac: Finally, a computer free of spyware (at least that I can tell)! Was it worth the money? Not sure yet, but at least it looks cool.

6. An all-in-one HP printer/copier/scanner: It's for my new computer and it's free once I figure out the rebate.

7. jO-jO the Wii: I haven't mentioned that with Maria's extreme dedication, I finally got my hands on a Wii. It's also totally the party that you've been hearing about. I took Maria's advice and decided to name it jO-jO (with the emphasis on the Os) because it's small and scrappy. Maria talks about it here.

8. Warioware Smooth Moves: Wii Sports is fun enough, but Warioware smooth moves is trippy enough to continue to keep me away from illicit drugs.

9. Wii Lan adapter: Now my Wii can connect online and and I can buy old school Nintendo and Sega games for between eight and ten bucks a piece. Nothing like purchases that give me opportunities for more purchases.

10. 80 gig Video iPod named Yvette: Hell has frozen over with this one. I've been an iPod hater for years now. I don't really like the flywheel, I don't like the lack of radio tuner, I don't like the lack of a line in, I don't like the lack of a microphone and the small size never really impressed me. Alas, the new iMac does not recognize my old mp3 player. Plus, I caved because I think Apple is a company to trust when it comes to video. So since, I've got the video one, I now have the option of downloading TV shows and music videos for two bucks as well as the opportunity to download movies for ten bucks. The only problem is it's got an internal hard drive rather than a flash drive. The hard drive holds video and way more stuff than a flash drive, but it can possibly skip as well as get damaged during movement. That means I'll probably be buying ANOTHER mp3 player just to take to the gym and snowboarding. I named it Yvette, because the "ette" on the end draws attention to the petite-ness of the thing (thanks for that one Mike).

Could I live without any of the above purchases? Sure. Would I bother? No.

post #1 from a mac

The iMac is up! And I'm pretty sure things are running smoothly. Here's a picture of the little boy:



The computer took a picture of itself! Isn't that cute? I only wish I owned a mirror. Those are new sunglasses too, though. This could very well be the worst Mac ever and I wouldn't know it, since I've never used one before. If anyone has any tips, let me know. I figure my computer curse will be broken now that I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing. All I really know for sure is that now the computer's gonna be doing everything for me -- audio, video, word processing, labor (both mental and manual), eating, sleeping, killing, etc.

Also, I need help naming this thing. It needs a girl's name or maybe a gay man's name. Suggestions?

my earliest super bowl memory (so glorious!!!)

To celebrate "Da Bearsss" upcoming Super Bowl effort I have unearthed this wonderful gem from the last time they were there. The fusion of football, drum machine beats and intense state-of-the-art video editing make this a vibrant collectible well ahead of its time. I constantly find myself defending my favorite decade. I think this clip should put all you 80s hatas in your place.


Super Bowl Shuffle - video powered by Metacafe

Hey that reminds me of my favorite joke from 1986:

Ditka and the Bears were all gathered in the locker room before the big game. For team unity, Ditka asks William Perry to say The Lord's Prayer. Jim McMahon leans over to Walter Payton and says, "I bet you 100 bucks The Fridge doesn't know The Lord's Prayer." Perry then begins the prayer: "Now I lay me down to sleep..." The Bears say amen and are polite to The Refrigerator. About five minutes later McMahon hands Payton a hundred dollar bill and says, "I could've sworn he didn't know it."

the game is afoot!

If you're a friend of mine, no doubt you've heard of this:

http://marmaladememoirs.blogspot.com/2007/02/robbers-are-lame.html

http://landoflauralot.blogspot.com/2007/02/fah-who-foraze-dah-who-doraze.html

Unfortunately, the only beings dumber than the robbers in this tale are probably the cops. That means that we need to recover the stolen articles ourselves.

If I were a robber, no doubt I'd sell the items on eBay. I wonder how much stuff on eBay is hot. It would sure explain the availability and surprising condition of certain things on there. I don't think this is the case in our current matter. Any crook who passes up a brand new iMac probably doesn't actually know how to use a computer. Strangely, I would assume such low-lifes do know how to use a Playstation 2, but whatever. Anyway, If we happen to find the exact items stolen on eBay and originating at or near Salt Lake City, we might at least have a case. The beauty of it is that we'll have the offenders' information. Like I said though, eBay probably isn't their method in this particular case.

If there's one thing State Street in Salt Lake City is known for it's its impressive amount of pawn shops. I'll bet the items are all within one of these shops. There's a real good chance that the thieves waited a couple of days to pawn in order to avoid suspicion. If they hit the shops soon, there's still a chance that buyers for the items haven't arrived yet. If we split up, we can probably get the correct one before too many of the items go out the door. Perhaps we could question the shopkeepers about the details of their clientele while it's still fresh on their minds.

Of course I also realize that the vice community of thieves probably works some kind of middle-man technique in order to make the hot items less traceable (just like in the legitimate business world too I suppose). Still, though, it'd probably be nicer to get the actual items back for cheap rather than new unfamiliar items expensively.

i thought of two different funny titles for this entry but they were both really offensive and inappropriate

I had a really weird, bizarre thought today. If I weren't involved with someone, I wonder if Sheri Dew would date me. I'm not saying I'm particularly attracted to her or anything, but how desperate do you suppose she is? What would she be like on a date? I bet she's potentially crazier than we would think.

a convenient truth

I'm in the process of getting a new expensive computer, it's close to my birthday and my mom's favorite hobby is writing me checks. As a result of all that, Mom wrote me the second check in a week yesterday. As I went to the bank for the second time this week the thought occured to me... why haven't I arranged my matronly finances into some sort of direct deposit?

a couple of quickies

Well, I'm back and safe from the concrete black hole known as Los Angeles. I'm afraid to say that my pop culture team "Out of the Way Peck!" did not qualify for the 2007 World Series of Pop Culture. I signed a non-disclosure agreement about the testing procedures they put us through, but let me just say that I probably should've more adequately studied the works of David Hasselhoff and Lauren Graham.

Pictures are to follow, but not for a couple of days. In order to fix my computer, they had to re-install the home version of Windows. As a result, many of the traditional programs I use to edit photos and view videos are not presently working. So now I'm faced with getting my crappy computer up to snuff or just patiently waiting for the iMac to arrive (and not know how to work it). Yes, I just ordered it today. HUGE HEADACHE. Apparently I have a limit on how much I spend using my debit card. I wasn't aware of that until today, so I was on the phone with Wells Fargo asking for an increase in my limit and also on the phone with Apple asking them to continue in their attempts to authorize the payment. I had to call Wells Fargo twice and Apple three times. I'm hoping that if Macs are as good as everyone says they are, my new computer will do all my phone work from now on.

Anyway, pictures coming soon!

let's look at me for a minute

We haven't seen me in a little while, so here I am. Most of you who know me know that I grow an official "Chester A. Arthur" every year for New Year's Eve. I kept year's a little longer on account that I think it's perfect for trying out for The World Series of Pop Culture. If you don't know what I'm talking about, go here. I know that many of you are annoyed by my silly scruff lately, but bear with me for a little while longer. If our team doesn't make it, I'll shave it right off.

Btw, we're leaving in a few hours so have us in your prayers! Actually, it might be a bad idea to actually ask God for help in something so inherantly trivial and worldly. Just wish us luck. And thanks everybody for watching all those movies and all that tv and playing all those video games with me.

You may also notice in this picture that I've got something in my mouth. A few weeks ago I had a horrible toothache. I suspected just another cavity (I get lots), but the dentist couldn't find anything. His best guess was that I'm grinding my teeth in my sleep. I thought it weird, but the teeth team went ahead and made me a cute teeth mold for me to wear to bed. I've been wearing it and it seems to be working. No more toothache. I never would have pegged myself as a grinder. As a bonus they made me one for my upper teeth too and gave me bleaching syringes. For the past several years I've been a little insecure about my toothy yellow. It probably was brought about when I bought some vampire teeth for Halloween that were pre-yellowed (like monster teeth should be) and I discovered that my teeth were actually yellower. I'm hoping these bleaching trays will change that. Hopefully next time you see me, I won't be afraid to smile or bite you.

peter gunn is my homeboy

So Joe just came over and killed me at Guitar Hero. For a while there I thought I would have no equal but man, that guys got some skills. I'm pretty secure in the fact that nobody else on the planet that I also know can beat me at Guitar Hero. And I also take comfort in the fact that although I'm not infallible in one video game arena, there are others where I can't be touched. For example, I am the greatest Spyhunter player I know as evidenced by this self-recorded footage:



Yeah, that's right. I got to the boats AND the dreaded icy roads. Jealous. I also feel I was gypped on a lot of my kills. Those last two were totally bad calls on the game's part.

the two most unrelated things ever

Thanks everyone for your awesome input on the computer matter. I gotta tell ya, the more I learn about iMacs, the more excited I am to try them out. If nothing else I can at least pad my resume with sweet Mac skillz. I might go pick it up tomorrow. Here are the specs I'm partial to:

Specifications
2.33GHz Intel Core 2 Duo
2GB 667 DDR2 SDRAM - 2x1GB
250GB Serial ATA Drive
ATI Radeon X1600/256MB VRAM
SuperDrive 8X (DVD+R DL/DVD±RW/CD-RW)
Final Cut Express HD preinstalled
Apple Keyboard & Mighty Mouse + Mac OS X (US English)
AppleCare Protection Plan for iMac - Auto-enroll
20-inch widescreen LCD
AirPort Extreme
Bluetooth 2.0 + EDR

I'll probably be buying some kind of Photoshop as well as a new edition of Microsoft Office for OS-X. This could set me back, but at least it will give me something to play with while I'm all poor again and stuff.

In the meantime, I got my old computer back from the shop, so a c-note later and it sorta works again. Right when I got it back I began making back-ups of the essential stuff on there before I get a new computer (or before it crashes again... whatever comes first) and I came across this little gem:



This is one of the oldest films I've ever made. Of the three films I've made, this one is the second oldest. My friend Jeremey Tuck and I collaborated to put this project together. I'm afraid to say, the book is way better in a lot of ways. Some aspects of the story are lost on the screen, such as the relationship with Blind Guy With Bazooka and Dismembered Man. Also, we simply had no budget to simply establish the setting as "the entire universe." Filming was limited to Peter Ivie's house and the parking lot at Albertson's. Keep in mind that this was originally made without the use of video editors. This is especially noticeable between scenes where a lot of essential information was accidentally chopped off due to "on-site editing" (sometimes the editing turned out remarkably well, however (especially during the climactic "spit sequence)). This version is an updated "director's cut" (done without permission of Jeremy Tuck) with effects updated to 19th century standards and actual credits. I might should make a director's commentary with this one if for no other reason than to just explain what's going on. Probably the most important thing to remember is that there are ten different characters in the movie even though we really only had two actors and didn't even bother with wardrobe.

help me os-1 kenobi, you're my only hope

Okay I don't actually know who or how many of you are out there who actually read this thing, but I could use your help right now.

Once again, my computer is in the shop. I took it in a week ago because it had a hard time connecting to the internet. I assumed it would be an overnight job, but they've run into all sorts of problems fixing it. It's to the point where I'm avoiding calling them to see what's up, partially out of embarrassment for them. They're the ones who supplied me with a new computer when it crashed last time, and I've continued to have problems with it. Those of you even slightly aware of my wired lifestyle know that I've had CONSTANT computer problems for the last FIVE YEARS.

Anyway, I have no doubt that I'll be starting completely over, and not just getting a new CPU and hard drive. I am SERIOUSLY CONSIDERING switching over to Mac. I'm always pretty hesitant about life changes, but at the same time, they usually go smoothly with very little hitch. Leaving Cricket for T-Mobile wasn't that big of a deal at all. I pretty much still use a phone the same way. Snowboarding for skiing went alright as well. It's brought new pleasures, and yet I'm still just as dorky on the slopes. Switching from blondes to brunettes was equally fruitful.

Anyway, I've got lots of options to mull over computer-wise. I look forward to using a Mac for pictures, video editing and publishing reasons. At the same time, I'm worried that I will have to sacrifice computer games (which I guess I don't really play anymore anyway) and internet options. Macs can be more expensive and I'm wondering if they're worth the extra money or if I'll even notice the difference. I hear Macs don't have spyware problems. Whatever the reason, how true is this? What makes a Mac a Mac Pro?

Anyway, more importantly, there are also the issues of public use and portability. My computer is traditionally the one used by visitors in my home. What do you people think specifically about the following options:

1) Get a Mac Pro desktop unit that will sit in the public area of my house on my desk. Will visitors be afraid or ashamed of using a Mac? I like this option because I'd probably rather do video editing on a desktop.

2) Ditch the old computer and just get a new Dell PC desktop. This is the most comfortable and cheap option which would completely eliminate the whole Apple presence.

3) Get my computer back, flaws and all, to use it as the public computer. Proceed to buy a MacBook for myself that I could have in my room, on the bus, on the beach, wherever. I'm hoping that having a more portable computer would help me keep up with blog entries and frivolous surfing. At the same time, I'm afraid I'll use it less because it doesn't have the convenient layout of a desktop environment.

4) I'm strangely leaning toward this one even though it's vomit-inducingly impractical. Get a new MacBook AND get a new Dell PC. I didn't mention above that it wouldn't be too much more expensive to get the Dell since I already have the monitor, keyboard, mouse, camera dock, printer and scanner (the printer and scanner, by the way, aren't working with the current p.o.s. I have in the shop right now).

Is there a combination that I'm not aware of? Should I make Rhett buy a desktop? Nobody's said that yet have they? What do you think? Give it to me. Remember, the sooner you get back to me, the sooner we can be gathered around the computer letting the radiation of YouTube hit us right in the face.

the 29 best songs of 2006 (a couple of them i only heard once)!

***Sorry this took so long to put up! My computer euthanized itself again. I'll probably have to write about it.***

29. "The Adventure" by Angels and Airwaves
I got this cd free from Graywhale for registering up for a membership. I gave it to Rhett because he used to be a big Blink fan. He immediately gave it back because it sucks. I think Angels songs are pretty cool by themselves, but you don't want to listen to more than one of them at a time. I'll also forever remember this song on the graduation episode of The O.C. which is sadly cancelled now. I should probably be blogging about the trauma that's caused me.

28. "When You Were Young" by The Killers
This sort of grew on me after a while, but then got sort of stale. Brandon Flowers talked big all year, but when it came down to delivering the goods all anybody could think was that this is no "Mr. Brightside." Still, it's very fun to sing along to.

27. "Into the Ocean by Blue October
"Hate Me" was one of my very least favorite songs of the year, so this one came as a surprise to me when I discovered I liked it. Absolute stunning melody. One thing I'll always remember about this band is that Zayra's best performance on Rockstar: Supernova was a Blue October song. It was also the song that eliminated her.

26. "I Bet You Look Good on the Dancefloor" by Arctic Monkeys
I wonder if The Arctic Monkeys are The U.K.'s answer to The Monkees. I didn't hear this song this year as much as I think I should have. Too bad the band wasn't able to exceed the ridiculous expectations set out for them. Stupid British press. Well, they really were fun while they lasted.

25. "Promiscuous" by Nelly Furtado
I think one of the most amusing things to witness in the music scene is when sweet, folksy chicks suddenly skank the shiz out of themselves. Usually they laugh it off and say something like, "It's totally cool that I do it; because, really, It's totally not me. I'm not really a skank, so it's funny." Probably the best definition of a skank is a girl who goes around needing to tell people that she's not a skank. Skank actually might be too harsh a word for Nelly, but it's kind of in that direction. Just a little more promiscuous. The song itself gets stuck in the head too.

24. "You Have Killed Me" by Morrissey
I probably would have given this one a better ranking if not for two reasons. First, I didn't hear it enough. Also, I prefer the darkly humorous Morrissey to the over-the-top Morrissey. Of course if I heard it more, I probably would have gleaned a bunch of funny from it.

23. "American Witch" by Rob Zombie
Here's another one I totally could have used more of. Like Morrissey, Zombie's thematics are near-perfect for me. As a result, he can release something not nearly as infectious as his earlier stuff, but I'd still dig it enough to put it on my list.

22. "Psychological" by Pet Shop Boys
I really only heard this song once and it was during the Pet Shop Boys concert. The concert was beautifully silly and most of the new stuff (especially this song) had a darker, uniquer sound to it.

21. "White and Nerdy" by Weird Al Yankovic
I'm amazed that this (apparently) is his only top ten hit. You'd think I would have heard it more if it was his most popular song ever. Oh well. I've always respected the guy. He doesn't just rip people off, he takes it very very seriously.

20. "I Thought It Was You" by Andy Bell
This is pretty much a plug for his whole solo cd which came out this year. This particular tune is guested by Jake Shears from Scissor Sisters (whose song "I Don't Feel Like Dancing" nearly nearly made this list). Anyway, Bell does a tremendous job here (even more so than in Erasure) of injecting a sort of exuberance into electronic music where there's usually sterility.

19. "Nausea" by Beck
Beck did a couple things that will make me always love him: 1) He made a prominent appearance on a hilarious episode of Futurama and 2) He and his band put in some awesome television performances this past year with this song. Did anyone see the puppets with this song on Saturday Night Live?

18. "Whoo! Alright Yeah.. Uh Huh" by the Rapture
C'mon, you know the title alone ensures it breaking the top 20, right? Great band. Great grooves. More cowbell.

17. "Out of Control" by She Wants Revenge
I can't imagine this band will have much of a lasting effect on the music scene considering that they're pretty much electronic spoken word. This song, however, is fabulous at setting a beat and then setting a mood. Pretty dark-dancey.

16. "Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is" by Jet
Even though most rock critics make fun of this band's lack of depth, but I think their straight-forward sense of rock is simply great. At least I think that when they decide to rock rather than chill out. This song, for example, took me by surprise. It's fun to scream to just like "Cold Hard Bitch" was a couple of years ago, but I had no idea it was them when i first heard it. I actually thought it was a chick singing (a wicked hard-as-nails chick).

15. "Love Like Winter" by A.F.I.
This is a really strange entry. I never much cared for this band, especially the singer's voice. A.F.I. released a few hugely successful songs here in Utah and they must have worn me down for this one. Maybe its timing was good, coming out in the middle of winter and all. I also love the emphasized guitar reverb echo near the beginning of the chorus. I'll always air guitar that part.

14. "Hey There Delilah" by Plain White Ts
Speaking of popular here in Utah... when I first heard this song I was driving alone and I actually said out loud, "IS THIS A JOKE? THIS HAS GOT TO BE A JOKE." 300 listens later and I sing along to every word of this ridiculous gooey sapfest. My favorite set of lines: "Two more years and you'll be done with school and I'll be making history like I do/You'll know it's all because of you,/ we can do whatever we want to/Hey there Delilah, here's to you,/this one's for you." There's nothing like rhyming five lines -- three of which use the same word.

13. "Trouble Sleeping" by Corinne Bailey Rae
Light jazz can be a difficult habit to get into. Personally I think it tends to sound a bit too lazy most of the time. Of course what do I know? I'm still trying to get into it. Corinne Bailey Rae sang part of this song on Studio 60. For some reason I've seen nearly every episode of that show, but I'm not shy about expressing that I'm pretty underwhelmed by it. If nothing else, maybe I was guided to watch just to discover this gem. It's light jazz, but it has a really groovy sly bite to it that I don't even hear in her other songs.

12. "Lali Est Paresseux" by Nellie McKay
Nellie, of course, is my personal high-ranking lady of pop-jazz. I didn't write about it too much, but seeing her perform live in New York was the highlight of that whole trip. Tragically, her cd I've been waiting for a year to come out didn't impress me as much as I felt it should. This song, sung in French, was the big winner. It has Nellie's sense of child-like fun just seeping from it. Definitely a fun one to sing-along to even though I don't understand it. It actually turns out that, translated, it's pretty much gibberish.

11. "Ain't No Other Man" by Christina Aguilera
I've always favored Britney more than Xtina. Everyone knows that Aguilera has way more talent, but I've never really been able to actually enjoy her actual songs as much. She was very very wise to go all retro and pull out the sweet sweet big band horns. Such a joyous throwback actually scored her a spot better than the exquisite Nellie McKay (not an easy feat)! Speaking of throwbacks, did anybody see Idlewild? I really wanted to see it. I'm sure if I did, there'd be an OutKast song somewhere on this list.

10. "Knights of Cydonia" by Muse
At first I thought that Muse evolved into camp from their Absolution days. After actually witnessing them perform this geeked out D&D ode (or whatever the hell it's about, I have no idea) in the flesh standing in front of a sweet stage fan blowing their hair majestically, I humbly stand corrected by their wailing awesomeness.
***Hmm. Wow. I just looked up what some people say this song is about and someone said that Cydonia is the area on Mars where that famous face is at that some people say proves that life existed on Mars. So I guess that means this song is sort of about the last stand of ancient Martians. Whoa! I'm getting so much geek energy right now!***

9. "Le Disko" by Shiny Toy Guns
Sort of an underdog song that lots of people latched onto. Every year I cheer for an underdog that sounds like it was an underdog back in '85. I love the beat of silence.

8. "My Love" by Justin Timberlake
It's a good thing I adore this song because toward the end of the year I would hear it three times a day. It's enjoyable pop subtlety at its finest.

7. "S.O.S." by Rhianna
The very instant I heard it with its Soft Cell sample, I shuddered just a little before realizing that Soft Cell did their own rip-off of "Tainted Love." It's not that I hate covers or samples. I totally don't, I just sometimes worry that people don't acknowledge the source material. This one of course is unique. Rhianna sampled from a song that is a cover of another song. I bet it gave the record company lawyers quite a headache. Anyway, I very much approve the use of this particular sample. It ultimately created a real fun ride.

6. "Lazy Eye" by Silver Sun Pickups
This one sounds like the meloncholorful groove of Gish-era Smashing Pumpkins. It has a very very pretty build-up that totally calms me down. Easy and dreamy. I hope the song itself isn't about something stressful, because it has the opposite effect with me.

5. "Steady As She Goes" by Raconteurs
Jack White is a hero of mine, so it's wonderful to see him with an actual band. Of course they did write a song that sounds just like "Is She Really Going Out With Him?" by Joe Jackson, but that's a favorite of mine as well.

4. "Martyr" by Depeche Mode
This one went more under the radar than I think it should have. I got into it a lot more than most of the stuff off of Playing the Angel. I'm not totally certain that everyone agrees with me since I don't associate with my fellow Mode-ites nearly as much as I used to. Am I wrong? Is this not actually a really good song? It appears on their new best of compilation and, like "A Pain That I'm Used To" from last year, it really thematically sums up Depeche Mode's music. If you get a chance, check out the promo video the label compiled together for this song. I really think it's cool.

3. "Here It Goes Again" by OK Go
Of course the video for this is probably in my top ten of all-time favorite videos, but unfortunately it was a long time before I realized how catchy the song itself is. Hopefully in the long run the song isn't eclipsed by its video.

2. "Crazy" by Gnarls Barkley
You may notice that my entries are getting pretty small. One would consider that I'd talk a lot more about the top picks. Well, I'm tired. Sorry. And anyway, you all know this song. Hopefully Gnarls sticks around. They bring some long-needed new blood for both rock and hip-hop.

1. "I Will Follow You Into the Dark" by Deathcab for Cutie
I listened to hundreds of songs this year, but only one made me cry (well "Crying" by Roy Orbison made me cry, but that one didn't come out this year). Make sure you pick up a Halloween 2006 cd. J.R. did a really fabulous augmented version of this song that will make you cry then scream.

Well, that's it. I do want to throw out a couple of honorable mentions:

"This Ain't a Scene, It's an Arms Race" by Fallout Boy: I don't really like the band or their over-exposure, but all the beginning of this year, this one has been stuck in my head.

"Mother" by Wolfmother: I just bought Guitar Hero II and I got to wail out with this song. It mother-rocks.

The whole Teddybears cd: In my haste, I neglected to pick a song off of here before compiling my list together. The record is actually awesome. It's the guy from Caesars, one of my favorite bands of the last five years. The music, however, is a lot more electronic and dance-driven. Some of the songs are in commercials right now.

a spiteful suicide

So guess what place ran out of curry again today. I'll give you a hint. It rhymes with shmeriyaki shmix at shmeast shmay shmoulevard in shmprovo. You can check out what I've already disgustedly written about this place here. Their record for having the most popular meal there is now LESS THAN 50%. This time when they broke the news to me, I didn't even acknowledge them. I muttered "Son of a..." and then just drove off.

I'm seriously considering buying the domain name www.theteriyakistixateastbayinprovosucks.com

As a result, I went to Taco Bell. Too soon, you think?

If I happen to die from eating Taco Bell food, I just want all my friends and family know that I love them and I'm sorry for leaving you and that the Teriyaki Stix at East Bay doesn't actually serve food. Mom can have all my money, Maria can have my snowboard, Rhett can have my mug collection and the rest of you can fight over my cds and dvds.

Despite killing people every once in a while, the folks at Taco Bell had what I wanted, promptly served me, asked if I wanted condiments and were just plain friendly in general. Of course I STILL don't know the difference between a chalupa and a gordita. Isn't one supposed to have a hard shell?

By the way, my list of the top 29 songs of 2006 is still coming (if I survive)!